Posted by Lars (192.129.55.183) on July 31, 1999 at 21:02:18:
In Reply to: Todd posted by Michael on July 31, 1999 at 17:05:27:
Sorry to disagree, but seeing the CH as a demon helped
me a lot, before that I saw the CH as a condition
I didn't like to be in, all the rage and fury within me
was directed against myself, since I was not able to hold
someone or something responsible for this terrible
pain. I did hurt myself alot during this time.
Now I phantasize this pain as being a demon or a
devil sitting behind my eye and when he demands my
dancing with him, I can curse him, yell at him and
insult the demon and in doing so I have little time
to do real harm to myself as it was the case in the
beginning. When I found this board in May 1998, I was
surprised that most Clusterheads (I hope this term is ok with you)
had the same view on CH.
So seeing the CH as a demon is quite a help.
Of course I could write:
Last night I experienced a severe pain behind my left eye, that
felt like a vascular headache although it is related to the
hypothalamus and the pain made me get out of bed and walk thru
my appartement in a hyperactive manner while the eye was read
and watery. All the time I had the urge to hit my head with
massive objects or hit the head against the wall.
Otherwise I could write: The Demon had a dance with me last night
and it was a 9 on the Kip-Scale.
The first is like the cold description from a medical book.
The second is something, that I really felt. I know others feel the
same and this is a more familiar talk and I like it that way.
I am no Doctor and I have no medical education other than the
first aid class I had to take for my drivers license and during
my time in the german army.
I would hate it, if I had to buy me some medical
dictionary to understand the postings in this site.
I understand that this is a site for sufferers and supporters, who not only want to
give in their 2 cents worth (like I often do) but
want to do it in a "family" way: Warm and caring and without having
to wash the mouth with soap for "bad language".
At least I feel this way. I want to express my feelings and my concerns, my caring
and my love for all the other sufferers out there in the world.
I don't want to hold lectures in a dry and unemotional manner.
If I need hardcore medical info, I ask here for advice and follow the links I get
from a big bunch of caring and loving people.
And I am always glad for every "personal color" the messages have.
Whew, this was quite a lot for 2 cents, huh? :)
Wishing you all painfree times,
Lars