Posted by drummer (209.105.134.165) on July 30, 1999 at 18:02:06:
Elaine called me today. She claims to be too busy to post to you guys as to where she is located. She would like me to tell you that she is in Wichita, Kansas at a very fancy Marriott. She claims to have met the webmaster of this wonderful web-site. She says that she is having a blast. She claims that DJ is perfectly normal. She has been having impure thoughts about DJ. She says that when she hugs him that he is soft and squishy like a pillow. (YUCK)!
She has also had delusions that she ate dinner with DJ last night. Elaine claims to have visited DJ’s bedroom - (oops) - I mean computer room. She is looking forward to having dinner with not only DJ but with two other lovely women from OUR message board tonight.
I have told Elaine to seek medical attention for her obvious nervous breakdown and mental incapacity. I have explained to Elaine that I used to live in a fantasy world also. I told her that there are many wonderful pink elephants and flying pigs there. Elaine shouted back to me that DJ is NOT pink and does NOT fly. She says DJ is real. I said, “OK, Elaine, I understand” and I reminded her that we could still be friends. I tried to explain to Elaine that I was fairly certain that webmasters of web-sites were very similar to Mr. Oz from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. You know; they don’t really exist. They are just really, really short people that live behind really, really big curtains.
Elaine kept insisting that she was handling reality quite well. She said she had no delusions and that DJ was not a figment of her imagination. Elaine has insisted that I post this obviously impossible story to the board. I told her that I was afraid that people would think that I had digressed from an ordinary idiot into an absolute moron. Elaine sounded more and more exasperated with me. She kept making huff-puff noises like this, “huff-puff, huff-puff”.
I have obviously done as my friend Elaine has asked. I hereby apologize for wasting everyone’s valuable time. I trust everyone will have a great weekend. I would like everyone to send my friend Elaine an E-mail at j883@mindspring.com and say simply, “Elaine, everything is going to be ok”. Thank you.