Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.166) on July 22, 1999 at 10:19:44:
I am one wore out puppy! Feels like something is be shoveled on me, but it's not dirt. Day 5 and still no sign of peace. Done so many different drugs in the last 24 hrs, nothing helps. Anything to ease the pain. Wish I could try the stadol spray just once. Keep thinkin I should have gotten that filled instead of the Verapamil, but I would be in HELL without that. And so, I sit on the prescrpit still, almost 2 months after I got it. My body is a walking grave. Dramamine,nytol and unisom are a joke, and I dont get it. Tylenol PM just gets me to sleep long enough for a CH to kick in. Everybody keeps saying "go to the ER", well, if you had to go where I do, you would not want to be subjected to ignorance and medical dysfunction either. They have not a clue as to what clusters are, much less how to treat them. I'd be better off going to a vet or voodoo priest. Appreciate the concern, but for now I am screwed. Unique situation. I've invested thousands of dollars into this "system" and in return I get second rate healthcare because I can no longer pay someone to give a rip. I scream, I freak, I plead, I beg - but there is no end. I think I have become a chronic depressive. I know I am not the same person I was a year ago. I'm not even the same person I was yesterday. Other than a torture magnet, I have forgotten who I am. I want sleep. I want peace. I want one day without pain. I want this to be one big - horrible dream that never happened. I want to speak no more. Welcome the silence of sorrow for the end of today is tomorrow.... C.D.