Posted by Jack Boyd (205.188.193.188) on July 20, 1999 at 18:35:48:
In Reply to: Feeling "unworthy" of this site posted by Cathy on July 20, 1999 at 16:30:01:
One thing in your posting resonated with me.
I have never felt any anger towards any one regarding my clusters. For the many years I endured without treatment, they were an absolute bitch but I never got mad. ( except during an attack when I need to be absolutely alone ).
One of the reasons I sought treatment was to spare those around me the horrible sight of this guy going through all this pain. The look of horror, disgust, disbelief, etc., on their faces could be almost as bad as the pain. I also know if I were in their places, watching someone with a bloodshot eye, flushed face, stuffed nostril, telling me that he had the mother of all headaches, I would probably think he was just some sort of hysterical wimp.
It seems that many othercluster sufferers have an anger that I do not understand. If I go to a doctor who doesn't know about clusters, I just find another that does.
I do not mean to trivialize the anger that many others feel - their anger is real - I just never felt it.
No one can truly understand another's pain - pain is among the most personal of all feelings. I would also never say that my pain is greater than another's. Only a fool would say that their pain is the greatest.
I truly have never felt any need for understanding from any one regarding my clusters. I only sought to cope and once I found that they could be treated, I have sought my verapamil fix.
Clusters are excruciatingly painful and I have the highest regard for any one who can endure them. I just do not understand all this anger.