Posted by Nancy (198.247.6.82) on June 26, 1999 at 09:40:35:
Cute kid's stories
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens. How did you know? His mom asked. Daddy
picked them up and looked underneath, he replied, I think it's printed on the bottom.
Another three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet. He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet.
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A little voice from the back of the room asked, How will that help?
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. What are you doing? His mother asked. The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken, the boy explained. I'm looking for the seal.
Can people predict the future with cards? said one little boy to another. My mother can, said the other boy. Really? Yes, she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Dad gets home.
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. His son asked, What happened to the flea?
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN
Where's the English Channel?
I don't know, our television doesn't pick it up.
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PANCAKE BREAKFAST
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan,3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait. Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Ryan, you be Jesus
A WEDDING STORY. . . .(As only a child could do...)
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the
crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar...so it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine,
the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time
he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, I was being the Ring Bear...
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When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had
some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
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This one is for Kip's wife
Two small boys were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your
Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.
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.........Always give 100% at work
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And remember ....... When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to tick you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown
and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off. Now get back to work.
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An American is running a construction site and hires three men to move a pile of sand. He gets an Irish man and tells him to start shoveling the sand. He hires an Italian to sweep the sand. Finally, he hires a Chinese man to be in charge of supplies. He tells them all to get to work and he will be back the next day to see how they are doing. The next day he comes back and the sand pile is still the same. He goes up to the Irish man and asks him why he didn't start shoveling the sand. The Irish man says (in an
Irish accent) "I couldn't shovel because the Chinese man didn't get me a shovel.
" Next the American goes up to the Italian and asks him why he didn't sweep any of the sand up. The Italian says (in an Italian accent) "I didn't have a broom. The Chinese man didn't bring me one" The American is getting really mad. He asks the two men where the Chinese man is and they don't know. He walks around to the other side of the sand pile. The Chinese man jumps out and yells "Supplies!"
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If Dr. Seuss did Technical Books
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk
abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and
your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on
another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your
memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
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Five doctors went duck shooting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist, After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time,
the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist.
Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?
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Hugs and a smile, Nancy
Keep the faith that there is hope