Posted by Julie on July 09, 1998 at 22:29:42:
In Reply to: Re: Fear,anxiety,and desperation (Julie) posted by Sue K on July 09, 1998 at 20:27:37:
Sue,, thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful message. I'm sitting here, tears running down my cheeks - grateful that a complete stranger would take the time to reach out with comfort. I left a 22 year career as a SR. VP of a technology company almost a year ago as the clusters went ballistic. Up until that point, they had been occuring only 3 or 4 times a yr.; bouts lasting about a week or so. Then, they began to happen daily - sometimes multiples in a 24 hour time period. My job involved about 80% travel; and there is no worse feeling in the world that being stuck in a hotel room in a strange city - all alone, with no way to find relief. Just try walking into an emergency room in Chicago, or LA and having to explain to some jaded ER doc that you're NOT a drug addict looking for some fix; just this big bundle of pain in human form trying to get relief. It is one of the most demoralizing experiences I've ever been through !!! Anyway, my DR. has increased the dose of lithobid, and added Paxil which has seemed to move the H/a from chronic to episodic - so there are breaks again between cycles. I'm currently interviewing again, and expect to have several job offers in the next week or so. I really have no choice. I'm the major financial support for my family, and due to leaving my job last year - all of our savings are gone, I'm 30 days behind in my mortgage, bills piling up everywhere, and my oldest will be graduating from high school in 2 years. Aside from all that, I need to become a person again - instead of a headache. I really need the intellectual challenges, the comraderie, etc. of the work environment as I have found that I've let my life be controlled by my CH; rather than trying to really live life around and through them. It'sso easy to fall into that spiral of depression, sucked down deeper and deeper. I know that if I don't at least attempt to begin living again that I run the risk of losing everything I value (my spirit included). I just can't let that happen. Too many people depend on me as THEIR support and strength. It's just so hard sometimes to put on the brave face.
I'm in the middle of a cycle now, so please forgive the morbid tone of this. This is the third H/A today, and I'm just so tired.....
Anyway, Thank You again, Sue for caring so much. It's folks like you and the others on this site that give me hope that we'll all make it through if we stick together.
Gonna find my buddy, MR. Oxygen tank, and partake.
God Bless YOU!
Julie