Posted by Dan on April 22, 1998 at 23:42:02:
In Reply to: Hello posted by Rick M on April 21, 1998 at 20:08:05:
Thought I was dying from an anyuerism (sp?) with my first cluster. I was 30. When I was about 35 a neuro gave me a through exam and assured me that it would all be gone by age 40.
By the way, he's the one that checked me for my brain tumor. Didn't get to see the guy for two weeks after the family doc scheduled me to be checked "just in case". In those two weeks of waiting the thing must have grown to ten pounds.
I think the age 40 thing was intended to get me through the stage your at now. By the time I figured out he'd lied I had come to the stage of well, "grizzled".
I came to believe everybody needs a little cluster in their life of some sort. Keeps you humble and puts things into perspective. Keeps a little compassion in you for the right things and gives you a little less tolerance for the bullshit stuff.
Also in a way, makes you an optimist. Just about the time you've resigned to yourself that you can't take it anymore, you do. When you think it can't get any worse, sometimes it does. After a period of time that envelope gets pretty big.
Makes you appreciate the sweetness of a good nights sleep, a beautiful day, goodtimes, and the people who love you. If you want to blame God for the cluster you ought to give him credit for all of it.
My motto is "Clusters Build Character".
Jim's got a little character in him too. Otherwise he wouldn't be here shaking your tree when he hasn't had a CH for four years.
Don't be ashamed of faith and hope, and don't be afraid to live either. Clusters are just a temporary thing and life goes on and on if you live it.
"They'll get my trigger when they pry my cold dead fingers from around my coffee cup."
That might make a good bumper sticker.
I figure your headaches ought to go away by age 50; but if they don't the next ten years will be a lot easier.
If you stick around, we'll figure you haven't really given up this quick.
I'm going on 51 and I'm still here; and I really do appreciate the chance to sit and "talk" to other clusters when I'd only met one up till a couple of months ago. This place is a wonderful thing.
Hang in there pal.
Dan'l