Posted by Mike (B) (65.35.86.125) on July 11, 2001 at 15:20:59:
Subject: Stress and Anger Management
>
> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need
to
> take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
> take it out on someone you DON'T know!
>
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
had
> to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicely saying,
> "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please
speak
> to Robin Carter?"
>
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
> could be that rude ! I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
> She had apparently transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I
hung
> up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
> decided to call it again.
>
> When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a moron!" And
hung
> up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "moron," and put it in my
desk
> drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really
bad
> day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a moron!" It
would
> always cheer me up.
>
> Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real
> disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the moron.
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice,
> "Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the Telephone
> Company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
> program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
>
> I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a moron!" The
> reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
there's
> ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
>
> Just dial 823-4863.
>
> Keep reading this, it gets better!
>
> An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of the
> parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car
> began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
backed
> up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great", I
thought,
> she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the
> parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the
horn
> and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
>
> The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me.
> He walked toward the shopping centre as if he didn't even hear me. I
thought
> to myself, "This guy's a moron, there sure a lot of morons in this world
!"
>
> Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
> wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple
of
> days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
phone
> after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a moron!"
>
> (It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now!)
>
> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk
> and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
>
> After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said,
> "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."
>
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
> parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don
> Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the
evenings."
> "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes," "Don, you're a moron!" And
I
> slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my
> speed dialler. I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much
better
> for me. Now when I had a problem I had two morons to call. Then, after
> several months of calling the morons and hanging up on them, it just
wasn't
> as enjoyable as it used to be.
>
> I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
>
> First, I had my phone dial moron #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?"
> I yelled "You're a moron!", but I didn't hang up. The moron said, "Are you
> still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "Make
me."
> He said, "What's your name, Pal?" So I told him, "Don Hansen." He said,
> "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my
> black BMW's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd
better
> start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, moron!" and I
> hung up. Then I called moron #2. He answered, "Hello?" I said, "Hello,
> moron!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll
> kick your ass." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now,
> moron!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
I
> told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my
> gay lover as soon as I got home.
>
> Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on West
> 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
34thStreet
> to watch the whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two morons
kicking
> the dung out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter
and
> a news crew was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
>
> The story you have just read is true. The names have been changed to
protect
> the guilty.
>
A little twisted but hey, I know it made me laugh.
Hope it made you smile!
Love, Michael B