Posted by Hal (209.206.0.37) on February 04, 2000 at 13:28:53:
In Reply to: It is impossible. posted by drummer on February 04, 2000 at 08:10:02:
I don't think that it's possible for even a clusterhead to understand the pain. Have you ever tried to remember what a cluster attack is *really* like when you're not actually having one? You can't do it. I used to tell people that it was like someone taking a pencil and driving it through your eye to the back of your skull. Then, one day, I decided to try that. Well, if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't really want to to blind myself, I could easily have driven that pencil through my eyeball without giving it a second thought. The pain wasn't even in the same state as cluster pain, let alone in the same ball park. There is nothing that you can compare cluster pain to. If you haven't actually felt it, you can't really know.
I've heard that the pain of terminal cancer is also beyond description - trying to imagine what it might feel like helped me to stop smoking - and that only heroin, which is totally illegal in this country for any use whatsoever, can control it. But, even here, it's worse for clusterheads, in my opinion. When you have terminal cancer, you know that death is going to end the pain. When you have cluster, you know that you're going to live to feel the pain again and again and again. Unless you kill yourself.