Hello all, I thought I'd take a minute to introduce myself as I get settled in for what will probably be a lengthy stay. After decades of uncertainty I finally feel like I understand what's been happening to me, and at last have a place to talk about it with people who also understand.

I began suffering from severe recurring headaches when I was about 10 years old (I'm now 39) and for a few years my folks tried pretty aggressively to get me help. In my early teens I received a diagnosis of migrainous neuralgia and a prescription for complicated color-coded pills that never seemed to work quite right. I eventually sorta gave up on the pills and for nearly 25 years I've just been dealing with the pain and laboring under one major misconception. I thought my diagnosis meant "migraine headache" in fancy doctor-speak. I had never even heard of cluster headaches until a few days ago; I always just told friends and coworkers, "I get pretty bad migraines" and left it at that. A recent severe episode prompted me to finally seek professional help again, and after just cursory reading online I realized that I'm actually not suffering from migraines, but cluster headaches; and I now understand what my original diagnosis meant so many years ago. In many ways this comes as a huge relief; it's liberating to finally feel like I know what's going on in my head, and I'm excited to be able to interact with others who understand as well.

Regarding my specific circumstances, I feel lucky in some ways because my headaches typically occur with quite a lengthy warning period, and they also don't typically strike at night, or with excessive frequency. I really feel for those of you who get hammered out of the blue like that, or get multiples in the same day. Mine generally occur once per week, for several years they've been like clockwork on most Thursdays, and they begin late morning with excessive yawning (regardless of how well-rested I am) and watery eyes with a bit of runny nose and mild pain on the right side. Discomfort ramps up over several hours making lunch difficult, and by about 3pm I'm telling the boss I need to head home for the day, walking crooked and holding my head at an angle. I probably shouldn't be driving at this point, but I make it home and thrash around in bed, take a half dozen hot showers, and typically pass out between 8 and 10pm. I wake up around 1 or 2am absolutely starving and feeling mildly euphoric. I raid the fridge and my wife always has a plate ready for me, bless her heart.

Socially, I've noticed several impacts; the biggest issue has been at home due to my misconception regarding the original diagnosis. I thought I suffered from migraines, probably triggered by stress or sleeping patterns because they occurred so predictably on Thursdays. My wife and I both mistakenly assumed that predictable = preventable. I thought that if I could just manage my stress better then I could stave them off. I was always a little suspicious though, because they occurred so consistently; even during periods of part-time work-from-home which was almost completely stress-free

This caused some friction between my wife and I because being on Thursdays, they would frequently occur before some big event, like preparing for a vacation or cleaning the house in anticipation of family visiting from out of town. We sorta both felt that I just couldn't handle stress as well as I should and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some resentment there.

So, where I'm currently at is that I've suffered from two headaches in two weeks (strangely occuring on Tuesday instead of my usual Thursday) which were severe enough to require me to visit the walk-in clinic and receive a shot of imitrex, which did releive the pain enough for me to sleep it off. The doctor who cared for me on both occasions is providing a neurologist referral so I'm hopeful I can get on some preventative strategies and identify abortive options so I don't have to shell out for urgent care visits when they strike in the future.

As a closing note, I've been thinking about the nature of the pain I experience so I can accurately relate it to my neurologist when we meet. I thought I'd post my thoughts here because I'm sure someone can relate and it's often hard to describe to people who haven't experienced it. Unlike any other form of pain I've experienced, these headaches present an almost emotional component. I liken it to experiencing for several hours the final instant before dying of a gunshot wound to the head. It's morbid, I know, but hear me out. I understand that most bullets don't immediately cause severe damage, the tend to enter cleanly and then do nasty bullet-type things as they move through the body; expanding, fragmenting, whatever. When I have a headache I sometimes imagine that I've been shot in the non-headache side of my head, and the bullet has traveled relatively cleanly through that portion of my brain, that side of my head feels fine, almost too good. By the time it reaches the right side of my head the bullet has expanded, it's pushing a tremendous sphere of pressure, and it's about to explode the entire right side of my head. The "core" of it is a little smaller than a golf ball and it responds to gravity. I can move my head in certain directions and it sorta "drains" to the lowest point. In some cases I've even made it cross to the usually unaffected side, and as a child I used to try and calm myself and get it to drain out of my ear. More painful than the core though, is the tremendous pressure emanating outward from it, pressing outward and trying to explode my eye, my temple, my jaw and teeth. What really sucks, perhaps the worst, is the sinking realization that there's no way you can possibly survive this injury. You've been shot in the head, all you have left in this world is extended and tremendous pain before inevitable death, and nothing can be done to change any of it. Scary stuff

Anyway, on that cheerful note, hopefully with some help from a capable neurologist combined with the wealth of information you've all assembled here, I'll soon be on my way to at least gaining some measure of control over my situation.

Thanks to everyone for being here, I'm really glad to have found you...