What I've always loved about ch.com is our diversity. We come from all walks of life, different ages, different families, different backgrounds. Now I hope that you can help me understand two of my classmates better. Especially the moms & dads at this board.

It is about that group assignment I've told you about, the one I'm using to teach others about ch. There's 4 of us in the group, two in our thirties, we have spouses, one is a mother already (he's 6) and I'm a mom-to-be. The other two are in their late forties, 46 & 47, they are single moms and have 2 (10 & 14) & 4 (18, 16, 15 & 3) kids.

Now, the single moms have missed a lot of lessons, they're hardly ever at school. Once when they were, about 2 weeks ago, we decided as a group, to finish our assignment this week and get together after school to do it. We decided to meet up this Saturday and I had offered that we can meet at our home. Everyone agreed and the others we delighted. Nobody else offered to host. I said that everyone can bring their youngest kids with them, that won't be a problem. They were even more delighted.

So what happends today, just days before that Saturday? We met to discuss the time, the other woman in her thirties suggested around 12pm, which suited me, but not the single moms. I asked, what time would be better? And all of a sudden Saturday is out for the single moms, because the one with 4 kids says that it's too much of a hassle to pack stuff for her kid and travel (40 minutes door to door) to my house (apparently she cannot ask her mother nor none of her older kids to babysit for the 3-year-old). And the other single mom said that she cannot make it, either, because she never leaves the house on weekends with her kids! And those kids are 10 and 14...

So me and the other member, she is also a mother after all, tried our best to understand and make it easier to the other two. So we asked, what would they suggest? Can they meet another time? Can they send the material they have written to us so we can put the assignment together on Saturday? We heard nothing but excuses.

The single mom with 4 kids had done her research but not written the text, and she has tonight, 3 days and half of Saturday to finish it. Instead of saying: I will send it, she got upset, defensive and accused me for not understanding how hard it is to be a mother of 4. All I asked was: can you send the material by Saturday...

The other single mom is skipping school most of this week, because she is taking her kids to a cruise to Sweden - that is why she cannot possibly manage to send the materials by Saturday. Interestingly, she said 2 weeks ago that she has written it all to her notebook, so she has basically had all that time to write it to word document or email and send it to me. She knew already then than she needs to do that...

It is true that I have no idea what it is like to be  a single mother. I don't know yet what it is like to be a mother, I'm just pregnant.I will know a lot more when our baby will be here and during the years that follow that day.

But I do know that ch can return any day and make things harder. I know that this pregnancy can make my blood pressure so high that a doctor sends me to sick leave until my maternity leave begins. So I will do my best every day at school, I give my all in fact. I listen, I attend classes, I do my tasks in time, I'm present, I ask questions.

I do know that there are other single moms is our class who have attended each class, returned each task in time and made it to school in time every day - even on that day when the snow made teachers late.

Although the single moms said that this is an issue about the children, I don't think it truly is. It is about commitment and motivation. It is about becoming a practical nurse within 2 years, this is the hardest education in its field and within adult education. They must have heard that about 100 times by now, because I have. They must have been asked if their life situation will support their studies and do their kids, because I was asked that about my husband.

I just don't understand how two women who are approaching their fifties will basically blame their children because they cannot do their tasks. The other single moms and dads at our class do not. They will find the time to be with their kids and do their tasks.

This is, more than anything, about attitude I believe. These two women are not as committed to their studies than the rest of us. My parents taught me that where there's will,there's a way. If I need to be somewhere, I will find a way to get there.I stick to my commitments and take responsibility of my own actions. I'm 31 now and I hope that I will never be like them when I turn 40.

I just needed to get this out of my system. I've been shadowing this afternoon after that group discussion. Let's just hope that it will also stay that way, just shadowing.

PF wishes to all,
Sanna

Sanna,
It actually has nothing to do with them being mothers, it has to do with them being slackers.  When Sarah was working on her Masters degree, she was in a group project with 3 other people (none of whom were mothers).  Guess how many excuses several of the others would have on any given day?

Carolyn

Thank you guys.

Carolyn,I can imagine. Plenty of excuses.

Our grading system has K3, H2, T1 and AM, which stands for "add more". If you get AM, it means that some parts of the work did not meet the requirements or qualifications and the student needs to do some re-writing or studying. We, naturally, aim for the K3, which is the best.

This group assignment has taught us one valuable lesson: group assignments can bring out the worst in some people. The rest will just have to do more and more.

Saturday is tomorrow, and so far, neither one of the women in question has send the material. I know that one of them is mad at me, she is contacting the other woman in her thirties. Kids are still her excuse, though.

We did have a little chat with one of our teachers about it and he was clear: group assignment is a group assignment and their lack of participation must be noted. Now we are just trying to figure out how to do it in a nice, diplomatic manner. After all, we still need to face those two every once in a while at school.

PF wishes to all,
Sanna

Carolyn,

You are probably right. But the school has just begun and plenty of classes to attend and many of them do include group assignments of some sort. That means that we might be signed to the very same group again and need to be in good terms, in spite of everything.

But you can be sure of one thing: I won't let them take the credit of the work the two of us have done and will do. That is the beauty of deciding who will write about which member of the family. We can clearly show which section is written by which person (or was supposed to write, that is) and then mention what happened with the introduction chapter and the conclusions chapter. If the other two simply do not have the time to be present, time to write their part, time to write down their ideas/suggestions/thoughts about the introduction and conclusions and send them, then we will write all that and mention that in the paper, too.

I do know that finding the time can be hard - we have 8 other deadlines coming up; other tasks, group assignments, couple assignment, exams. But we ALL have those same deadlines to meet and tasks to do. We all have a life outside the school hallways. I do know that for now, mine is a bit more simple, but I still clean the house, cook, take care of myself and the baby inside of me. The difference is: I just make the time for the things I need to do for school. That means less "me" time, but that is life. I chose to continue my education and I got the chance to do it.

People do surprise me.

When when the two of us gathered to put the group assignment together and called one other member, we found out that the of them were planning to meet up 3 hours later.

They were planning to work on their pieces and other parts behind our backs, although they had said just days before that Saturday is out, no work can be done.

Well, they did say that they will call us once they're done and will send their material. Nothing happened on Saturday, but like a tiny miracle, on Sunday evening, both of them had sent their own material.

So today we were able to almost finish the whole assignment! We are going to check it out together tomorrow before lectures begin. Three out of four will be there, and the last one will arrive if her child is healthy.

But for once I'm feeling good about the work. Two of us have done a lot, and it shows. I'm proud of our accomplishment. Our texts are pretty amazing, even if I say that myself.

Now, the other two... they might have other opinions. We'll find it out tomorrow. But it looks like the work can be returned before Friday's deadline and that is important.

Thank you for your support along the way. I will not forget it!

Sanna