Dear Cletus,

I'm writin this real slow cause I know you cain't read very fast.  We don't live where we did when you left.  We read in the paper that most accidents happen within ten miles of home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine.  The first day mama put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and we ain't seen them since.

I only rained here twice this week.  Three days the first time and five days the second time.

I know it's cold where you are so we're sending you a coat.  Mama said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them buttons on it, so we cut 'em off and put 'em in the pockets.

We got a letter from the funeral home.  They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!

My sister had a baby this morning.  I ain't heard whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know yet if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

Uncle John fell in the big whiskey vat.  When they tried to pull him out, he fought the off, so he drowned.  We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of my friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck.  One was driving, the other two was in the back.  The driver got out 'cause he rolled down the window and swam to safety.  The other two drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down.

More next time, nuthin' much is happenin around here.

Bubba