The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

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The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that will be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Are you the owner of this place?'

The bartender replied: No, he's where he is every day once I arrive at work.... at my house with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing at your house
with your wife?'

The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing
to his business.'

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The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

Ssshhhhuuuussshhh 'There's no need Sweetheart,  'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' the wife replied. Now just lay back darlin' and let the poison do its' work.'