The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
   This enables you at 85 years old
   to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
   home at $7000 per month.

   My grandpa started walking
    five miles a day when he was 60.
    Now he's 97 years old
    and we don't know where he is.
 
   I like long walks,
    especially when they are taken
    by people who annoy me.
 
   The only reason I would take up walking
    is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
 
    I have to walk early in the morning,
    before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
   
   I joined a health club last year,
    spent about 400 bucks.
    Haven't lost a pound.
    Apparently you have to go there.
 
   Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
    I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
 
   The advantage of exercising every day
    is so when you die, they'll say,
    "Well, she looks good, doesn't she?"
 
   If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
  start with a small country.
   
   I know I got a lot of exercise
    the last few years,......
    just getting over the hill.

  We all get heavier as we get older,
    because there's a lot more information in our heads.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
   
   AND

   Every time I start thinking too much
     about how I look,
    I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
    I look just fine.