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Top 8 Morons (Read 2734 times)
Sandy_C
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Top 8 Morons
Jul 4th, 2010 at 5:05pm
 
Make sure you read all the way to the bottom





                

                     

                                    TOP 8 MORONS

                                    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

                                    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

                                    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

                                    4.. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

                                    5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

                                    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?  A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart,' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No,' the man shouted, 'this is her husband!'

                                    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!  In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

                                    8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!  Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
                                    NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
                                    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

            

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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #1 - Jul 4th, 2010 at 6:00pm
 
...................and they walk among us! Cheesy
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Mike NZ
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #2 - Jul 4th, 2010 at 10:00pm
 
...and they vote!


Although I heard about this gem from the recent UK elections...


Conversation at a polling booth in Britain: (A young girl, a first-time voter rushes up to my table.)

Voter: "I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!"

Me: "Alright, give me the spoiled one."

Voter: "I can't. I put it in the box."

Me: "Then I'm afraid we can't get it back. The boxes can't be opened until the end of voting at 10 o'clock."
Voter: "But I didn't know! I don't want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!"

Me: "Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?"

(The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

Voter: "I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!"

(Source: notalwaysright.com)
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Guiseppi
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #3 - Jul 5th, 2010 at 10:39am
 
And they reproduce..... Cry
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"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean.
 
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George
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #4 - Jul 6th, 2010 at 2:51pm
 
Saw a guy at the home improvement store the other day who wanted a pallet of concrete mix loaded via forklift onto the roof rack of his Toyota. 

He was very insistent.  He was certain that it would ride just fine if he tied it down good. 

Given that a pallet of concrete contains 42 bags, each weighing 80 pounds for a total weight (less the pallet) of 3360 pounds, or just over a ton and a half, I thought it might be well worth sticking around to watch. 

Alas, the forklift operator wouldn't do it. 

It's hard to have any fun at all anymore.   Cry

Best,

George
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"Whoever loveth me, loveth my hound."  (Thomas More, author of "Utopia", and Chancellor of England.  1477-1535)
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jon019
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #5 - Jul 6th, 2010 at 8:01pm
 
George....that there is funny!...and so very well written. The punchline had me spittin' my coffee.

THANKS...I NEEDED that......

Best,

Jon
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The LARGE print giveth....and the small print taketh away.    Tom Waits
 
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Kilowatt3
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #6 - Jul 6th, 2010 at 9:05pm
 
'Fess up, George!

Is that story for real?

Regards,
Jim (still trying to clear beer from my nose)  Grin
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Regards,
Jim
SW Louisiana

If "that which does not kill me, makes me stronger", then how come I always feel like $hit after every near-death experience?
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Mike NZ
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #7 - Jul 7th, 2010 at 2:15am
 
George wrote on Jul 6th, 2010 at 2:51pm:
Saw a guy at the home improvement store the other day who wanted a pallet of concrete mix loaded via forklift onto the roof rack of his Toyota. 

He was very insistent.  He was certain that it would ride just fine if he tied it down good. 

Given that a pallet of concrete contains 42 bags, each weighing 80 pounds for a total weight (less the pallet) of 3360 pounds, or just over a ton and a half, I thought it might be well worth sticking around to watch. 

Alas, the forklift operator wouldn't do it. 

It's hard to have any fun at all anymore.   Cry


That could have been a case of evolution in action.
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George
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #8 - Jul 7th, 2010 at 8:42am
 
Kilowatt3 wrote on Jul 6th, 2010 at 9:05pm:
'Fess up, George!

Is that story for real?

Regards,
Jim (still trying to clear beer from my nose)  Grin


Yes. 

Spooky, isn't it?   Smiley

Best,

George
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"Whoever loveth me, loveth my hound."  (Thomas More, author of "Utopia", and Chancellor of England.  1477-1535)
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Guiseppi
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #9 - Jul 7th, 2010 at 4:53pm
 
Think of how stupid the AVERAGE  person is...then realize 50% of the population is dumber then that! Grin

Joe
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"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean.
 
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wimsey1
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #10 - Jul 9th, 2010 at 8:55am
 
Joe, you always are an optimist. Wink lance
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Mike NZ
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #11 - Jul 10th, 2010 at 8:26pm
 
Guiseppi wrote on Jul 7th, 2010 at 4:53pm:
Think of how stupid the AVERAGE  person is...then realize 50% of the population is dumber then that! Grin


Since the distribution of intelligence is not symmetrical (as there is a lower bound but no upper bound), more than 50% of the population are below average intelligence!
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donna mae
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #12 - Jul 12th, 2010 at 10:30am
 
Now that is scarey!

Wonder if any or all of those occured during a full moon phase?

Just a thought! Grin

Donna Mae


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Lefty
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #13 - Jul 12th, 2010 at 11:33am
 
The world needs stupid people, they keep us smiling.. Smiley imagine the alternative a world full of smart arses


Lefty
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And your horse has also ran,
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A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN."
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #14 - Jul 14th, 2010 at 6:19pm
 
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Re: Top 8 Morons
Reply #15 - Jul 14th, 2010 at 6:48pm
 
Grin Grin

Quote:
the judge wrote. "It is not as if this attack occurred when Hopkins inexplicably wandered into the grizzly pen while searching for the nearest White Castle. Hopkins was attacked while performing a job Kilpatrick had paid him to do — feeding grizzly bears."

Grin Grin

Wonder if the bear got high off the victim ?
I'm bad, I know.  I just couldn't resist!   Roll Eyes
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