a beautiful post!thank you!food for thought.
but still, i ve got some dark thoughts emerged which i ve got to say.what happens when hope..fails?
when there is no really good preventative and abortive?no remission?who likes to hope on a false make belief?
I mean,last year for example i had the biggest remission as i started vitamin d at the same time
for a defficiency i found out,thinking it might have
something to do with ch.
I know now that its crap even if i still take the damn pills.Did it was just its time to come as ch morphes?yes definitely and vitamin d just a coincidence.So i started hoping that i might have become episodic,from february till august every year not bad at all.But yet again this year proves me wrong.
There is a saying here,that we are all different
as far as it concerns ch.And i ask myself,is this real
or just a way to preserve hope to which point?
How many of us have taken a list of different meds
just to learn that it doesn't applause to us from the beggining or nomore.
ok being different to each other,but to our own selves?And then we say the beast morphs.
Deep in i believe that if we all have the same symptoms with the only exception when and how long it's gonna hit,then there's got to be the same common ground and solution.One drug,one something.The one word,cure, which we don't even want to hear anymore.There we can't permit,and wisely,to have hope.It's beyond any of our control
as if we had any.
And there are others which reach as empty words in the process of life.
the why me or why not me guestion.
Of course it's the why me.Not only i would wish it for my worst enemy but i would give it to my beloved ones(don't take it literally but for the desire to be pain free with reassurement) if it was for someone else to take it.I had my part,i didn't do anything to deserve it,give me life my life back.Of course this is just wishful thinking and useless.So here comes the why not part.
Just another one among the millions who happens to have ch.Who cares?Obviously in this every one is on its own.what and how to get and maintain a job,struggle for real friendships and if you are lucky enough for real supporters who understand,inbetween emdless hits.Cause
outside from this wonderful site,its matter of lack
and things just happen.so for what should i hope?
i choose the why not part with the knowledge that
people around will never understand.We are talking here about this damn repeative pain while at the same time,inbetween hard hits out there you ve got to smile cause it's necessary.People know that something is wrong while you dont look happy.You might have been out from one hour extreme pain which has left you exhausted but you ve got to do the ok thumb thing as it was just a dive and now you took breath.Now you can do,and hear any bullshit as normal.
What am i saying?i ve given documents for people to read and say ''na,i am bored,so it hurts huh?''.A very few people all this time have bothered to read.And the joke is that noone until Now,I mean noone says it with its name.Cluster headache.If it wasn't this site by now i would believe i have a sort of whatmigraine.
So the why not part with the secret that signature of E-Double i read here -are we ourselves?, which striked me as ligthning the first time i saw it.
I am not talking about depression here but to visualize it is as if someone is sitting in a chair and every time is trying to get up is being smacked.
what's there to hope?
live your life inbetween hits.If you are lucky enough to still have on hold one may i add.otherwise live one and see.
where is hope?
as i am talking now believe me in ten minutes i ll be just fine but i am thinking how many desires
have been covered in sand and that melacholy
is the *&^(don't know the word) holding the chain in one piece,with this terrible pain never end, as if it wasn't for it i dont know..would be myself?
maybe.
thanks for listening me ramble,steam