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New CH.com Forum › Daily Chat › General Posts › What have you done to forgive and move on?

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What have you done to forgive and move on? (Read 3638 times)

cavalier

Ex Member

Re: What have you done to forgive and move on?
Reply #25 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 8:38pm

Mellisa
When you have been hurt the hardest thing to do is to forgive and I don’t think forgiveness helps.
The deed of forgiving is to accept the wrong doing and being strong enough to forget.

If you can’t forget you can’t forgive.
You don’t have to forgive to move on.

What has helped me in the past is the thought of
“it’s nothing I’ve done wrong” whether that was true or not, It is what I believed

Breaking it down into small bites helps see the reality

If there was a cure for clusters we’d grab it both hands and get on with our pain free life without looking back.
Soon it would be a distant memory which warranted not a second thought

After all that waffle I suppose what I’m trying to say is,

To share your turmoil shows great strength and with all the support it still will be up to you to make that leap to move on

We know you can do it

(Not so good at this kind of thing just wanted you to know lots of support from me)
Colin.

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Melissa

CH.com Moderator
CH.com Alumnus

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Don't give up!

Posts: 7238
Central WI, USA
Gender: female

Re: What have you done to forgive and move on?
Reply #26 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 8:49pm

You know what is so confusing in all this? Whenever I open my heart to them and try to explain my hurt feelings on some things, I am then made in turn to feel like I am ungiving, selfish, naive & unknowing about whatever it is we were talking about. I end up just dropping the subject and going to talk to another person.

Sometimes I think it's just best to keep the convo. light and about generic crap. I'm tired of being judged, I'm tired of feeling like my character is always in question (because they believed a bunch of made up lies from someone else instead of just coming to me and ASKING me if I said such inane things), and I'm tired of having the damn thoughts go through my head on an almost daily basis because we're in contact with them a lot due to family things (including some work, etc.). I mean, who else does this self torture anyway??

I'm not used to being in question due to a bunch of lies. I've always been proud of my honesty because through it I do not harbor ill will towards anyone. So I guess that's why I don't understand any of this. It's like it's become truth to them, and so they'd rather believe someone else who they had only hung with a short time instead of me who they've known for YEARS.

It's absolutely amazing to me how someone can throw away the closeness, the good times and the friendship so quickly without question. I'm baffled! Undecided

Anyway, right now I'm doing some soul searching to figure out the best way to deal with it all, especially before the holidays. I suppose I can just ignore the ignorance, be polite, but keep my heart to myself.

I really wish they (2 couples) weren't Eli & Lily's Godparents, that makes it SO much harder. Sad

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel

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Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #27 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 8:53pm All the advice has been fantastic so far!! I am so very grateful for you all taking the time to counsel me in my time of need. Thank you so very, very much!!! I love you all.
Back to top	Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel IP Logged

Jennifer

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Posts: 3265
Supply, VA
Gender: female

Re: What have you done to forgive and move on?
Reply #28 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 10:02pm

Another way of looking at things Mel,...
"how have I intentionally hurt someone? Would I be forgiven if I asked for forgiveness?"

"how have I unintentionally hurt someone? Would I be defensive if THEY asked why I did/said something?

Your answer is not just with one or two situations, but in how you respond to forgiveness - both giving and getting. There are people in whose own mind are self-righteous and blameless. They do not deserve your time or effort.

There are those who truly want you in their life, and those are the ones whose friendship should be nurtured, including forgiveness (and that is usually on both sides)

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Callico CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Author of "Stranded at Romson's Lodge Posts: 4916 Aurora IL Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #29 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 10:25pm A lie can travel around the world before truth can get its shoes tied. Mark Twain
Back to top	"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of dung by the clean end." Texas A&M Student (unknown) IP Logged

Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #30 - Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 10:47pm Callico wrote on Sep 23^rd, 2009 at 10:25pm: A lie can travel around the world before truth can get its shoes tied. Mark Twain Isn't that the sad truth?
Back to top	Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel IP Logged

Kevin_M CH.com Sponsor Offline withered branches grow green again. Posts: 8754 Michigan, USA Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #31 - Sep 24^th, 2009 at 9:30am I sead I liKed the 3 StOoges with Peeple and tHey diDdn't say goOd thinGs. Melly, I down't liKe peeple whoo Mom says hAve tite unDerwaer tHey hav'nt cHanged and maKe bAAd juDging of chAractors.., so I didd'n't tAlk about Bugs bunny Skippy
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Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #32 - Sep 24^th, 2009 at 9:59am omg Kevin, rotflmao!!
Back to top	Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel IP Logged

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Charlie CH.com Alumnus Offline Happy to be here Posts: 18971 Jamestown, NY Gender:	Re: What have you done to forgive and move on? Reply #33 - Sep 24^th, 2009 at 1:23pm Whatever develops make sure you don't wind up having to forgive yourself. I've been there a few times and it's no fun. You're not the jerks, they are. Charlie
Back to top	There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill IP Logged

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