I don't know if it is the being in pain all of the time, or the fact that that being in pain all of the time has taken away so much of my life as I've known it for the past 38 years, I don't know if it the fact that I feel like I can't be the mom I want to be for my kids because of the pain, I don't know, all I know is I'm down in the dumps.

Do any of you feel like this?  I don't know maybe I am starting to come to the reality that this my be some life long thing I am going to have to be challenged with and that has me sad.  I just can not stop crying.  My poor kids, mom is always either reeling in pain or crying

Sad is one way to look at it.  The luck of the draw sometimes sucks.

I have a feeling I know what will happen......... 
You are going to finish your tests with the Guru, and he is going to help you.  There is no cure as of yet, but I am sure Prof Goadsby can help you get some relief from the pain.
Then, you are going to learn to deal with the beast and not let it affect your entire life.  You are going to become good at aborting hits and maybe even aborting cluster cycles.
Then, you are going to look back and think about the shape you are in right now, upon finding this site, and you are going to try to help people in your situation.
Then, your kids will look at each other and say "Dang, Bro.  Mom is a tough cookie!!"

Hang in there.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

B$

I haven't had a day since September 12th that has been pain free.  Somedays *are* better than others and I am, indeed, thankful for those.  Most days, however, have me crying, it is so sad when a good day means you only feel pain at about a level 3.  I'm so tired, emotionally and physically, I can not even imagine spending most of my life like this, as alot of you have  

Don't you ever think, there HAS GOT TO BE A REASON?!?!?  I can not wrap my head around the fact that I have lived my life for 38 years, healthy, happy and comfortable and then all of a sudden boom, no more, life as I knew it.  THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, and if there is a reason shouldn't there be a way to FIX IT???

Kat,

Please check your PMs.......

Jeannie

i call my view on ch ,high speed low drag.
just get through it and find joy in between. easy to say hard to do.

"Pain vs. Suffering--research support", a message posted on 1/7/07.

SSRIs used to treat depression have gained a good track record but docs have been long aware of relapses when the med is stopped. Research has lead to a recommendation that the med be continued for up to 18-months after the depression has lifted because this reduces the rate of relapse. Parallel research revealed that this longer use of the meds allows our brain to "rewire" itself leading to better long term outcomes.

The article (available on the OUCH site, last line) "Pain vs. Suffering" is based on cognitive therapy. These forms of counseling/psychotherapy have been strongly supported by good research. Now some evidence is appearing that these therapies act like the SSRIs to stimulate our brains to "rewire", affording protection against strong anxiety conditions. Bottom line: looks like it may be possible to alter brain functioning to build in a permanent reduction of the anxiety which besets many folks with CH. While the gods may not have made a final pronouncement yet, experience with cognitive therapy, so far, really supports its use to treat anxiety & depression. While using "pain vs. suffering" takes time, commitment, and practice, it beats endless use of benzos, etc.

"“My brain is generating another obsessive thought. Don’t I know it is just some garbage thrown up by a faulty circuit?” After 10 weeks of mindfulness- based therapy, 12 out of 18 patients improved significantly. Before-and-after brain scans showed that activity in the orbital frontal cortex, the core of the OCD circuit, had fallen dramatically and in exactly the way that drugs effective against OCD affect the brain. Schwartz called it “self-directed neuroplasticity’ concluding that “the mind can change the brain?’ (TIME, 1/29/07. Major article on the human brain.) (OCD is classified as an anxiety disorder.)

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Hang in there!! You can do it!! When I say that to you, I am also saying that to myself.. I cryied when I read your post.  It was like you were speaking from my heart!! Reading your post gave me hope I had thought I had lost.   I would like to share a poam from my heart. well here goes:
Hope and Understanding
Tell me that there is hope. Grill into me that there is hope. Tell me every day, every hour if needed. Have understanding when I tell you that you lie! Because there is hope!! Even when I swear up and down on the Bible   that there is no hope. There is hope.

Hang in there.  This too shall pass!!!

Wow- that hit home here as well.  As you can see you are definitely not alone here!

I re-discovered this site 2 weeks ago when my cycle came after a year of remission (oh what a fanstastic state of false hope for a while!).

Earlier this week when my cycle really hit full steam, getting 4 per night and almost no sleep for more than an hour at a time, I got very weepy as well.  I felt I am being punished for something, WHY ME!!  I also felt that my 3 year old son was suffering- I spent every night after work isolated, sad, and anxious over when the next attack would come.  VERY depressed, very tired, with a bleak outlook on everything.   I mean- sure that attack is over- but there will be another tonight, and one after that, and one after that.  And tommorow, the same drill... and the day after that, and the day after that... I get very sad sometimes too. 

Thankfully I have found a "cocktail" of meds that aborts these pretty effectively (thanks in great part to this wonderful board).  My outlook is much better, and Im looking forward to catching up with my boy this weekend!! 

Kat you are definitely not alone.  Vent all you want here, this is what we are all drawn here for.  To help others and let you know you have company with others that know, understand, and have been though what you are going through... I think part of the sadness comes from the feeling you are isolated and alone, and no one can relate to what you are going through.

Wishing some PF days and nights to you soon-
Bill