The Beast has departed.  Thanks to everyone for being here to support and understand me.  The best thing I did for myself was to break my 50 year nicotine addiction and kick Nic out of my life.  Since I did that 10.6 years ago, I have had only 3 CH cycles: one for 2 months and the last 2 were 3 weeks each with no meds.

  I know nicotine addicts don't like to be preached to, so I won't, but I will offer some of my observations -- take them for what they are worth.

  Survey says 52% of clusterheads are nicotine addicts, compared with less than 20% of the general population.  Just because 2 variables are correlated, that doesn't mean one causes the other, but it does suggest some kind of relationship.

   I had quit many times (once for 9 years) and failed.  But each time I tried and failed I learned something important about me and my relationship to Nic.

  The breakthrough came for me when I began to think of my nicotine cycle like I think of my cluster cycle.  I got one of those amber medicine bottles that held about 12 cigarettes and pasted a typed label on it that read:    
                                  Nicotine Addiction Medicine
                                          Take as needed
                                  WARNING: This medicine is
                                         Toxic and Addictive

  From then on, that is how I carried my cigarettes.

  Every time I took my medicine I told myself -- and anyone around me -- I'm taking my medicine now, but someday I will get off it.

  I treated Nic like I treated the Beast.  When I sucked him into me, I didn't do anything else -- didn't watch TV or drive or talk to people -- I went off and only consentrated on sucking Nic into me and saying to myself: "Now I'm taking my medicine, but someday I will get off it."

  This went on for many weeks.  I also kept a record of when and where I took my medicine.  I still smoked as much as I wanted to, but noticed that I was down from 30 or 40 a day to about 12.  But I knew from past experience that cutting down wouldn't work for long, because for me, Nic was an all or nothing buddy.

  I did many other things, consulted an herbalist, exercised more, etc., etc......and one day I said good-bye to Nic forever.

  At first it seemed like everything turned against me.  It was very difficult to handle the ordinary ups and downs of everyday life.  I had to pay a karmic price for turning against my best buddy -- who was always there for me and pleasured me whenever I wanted him to -- and started thinking of him as my toxic and addictive worst enemy, and finally dumped him.  I was surprised at how soon the craving disappeared once I decided this was the final quit.

  I've never regretted it, and for me, Nic's buddy the Beast is now much more manageable.

  So long, and thanks for all the love.
  PFDAN and short cycles to all.

                     Johnnystar