"Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment."

"It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit."

"I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to ten people.""

"More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of Booze named Responsibly."

"I want to change my name on Facebook to "No One," so when I try to add people, it will say, "No One wants to be your friend.""

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day."

"I love facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot."

"Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a crazy girl/boyfriend."

"Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don't get it. Moving on."

"Thanks 2 Facebook, I now know what every ones bathroom looks like one mirror at a time."

"A Friend text me and asked "what does IDK stand for?" I said "I dont know" she replied "OMG! nobody does!""

"Sometimes I drink too many beers and my face high-fives the ground."

"Every time I start to think that Facebook might be alright after all, I get 30 Farmville requests."

"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives."

"Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."