Last winter the little sign on the lawn of our local library had a sign that read "A kind word can warm three winter months."

To which my GF queried, "Is that like telling a homeless guy the urine stains on his pants really bring out the natural highlights in his beard?"

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One night while at the local pub enjoying some beers she had a burp slip out... a second or two passed and she said, "I think beer makes me burp."  The straight dead pan tone and Capt. Obvious revelation of the statement has had us laughing, periodically, for about a year now.

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All for now... back when I remember another old gem or she comes up with a new classic.  ;)

GF at the time, now the wife.

"Hey, what's the number for 1-800-contacts?"