On a small farm, deep in the valleys of Snowdonia national park, North Wales , lived a small boy called David .

David was absolutely obsessed with tractors , he knew all the makes like Cat, Ford, New Holland, Massey Ferguson, Manato......the list goes on . Any way he had tractor posters , tractor T-shirts , tractor badges even some tractor wall paper and matching curtains and duvet set, but his most prised possession was a Massey Ferguson bomber jacket his father had brought for him at a country show from the Massey Ferguson stand.

Now David thought and dreamed about tractors all the time, and his life long ambition was to have his very own bright red Massey Ferguson . He thought about what fun it would be to take his tractor out for a drive round all the lanes on a Sunday afternoon just to upset all the holiday makers and the hikers, only tractor drivers like going places at 25 miles per hour.

So David worked hard at school , worked hard on the farm and scrimped and saved every penny he could. When he left school he went to agricultural collage to learn all he could about farming, all the while working evenings and week ends on the farm.

By the time he was 21 he was running the family farm and had saved enough money to purchase his dream bright red Massey Ferguson, and he drove it absolutely every where. To the supermarket, to the shops, into town , every where.

One fine sunny morning He woke up and went down stairs to have his breakfast only to find that he'd run out of milk "maybe I should get some cows on this farm" he said to himself as he stumbled across the farm yard in tractor pyjamas and green wellies, he climbed up into his tractor and fired up the massive diesel engine which erupted in to life and with the whistle of the turbo and a huge cloud of black smoke he roared up the farm track and on to the road toward the shop.

On his arrival at the shop he parked his tractor in the lay-by at the top of the hill and started walking down the fifty yards or so to the shop, suddenly he herd a loud bang and then a rumbling noise Quickly he spun round just in time to see his bright red Massey Ferguson hurtling down the road to wards him , he turned to run but he was too late in the blink of an eye he saw a big tyre right behind him and then nothing but inky blackness.

2 months later David wok-up in Hospital, it seemed like every part of him hurt his Doctors explained to him that the hand brake cable on his tractor had snapped and it had rolled down the hill and run him over, he had broken nearly every single bone in his body and had suffered massive internal injuries, he had been lucky to survive.

From that day David didn't want anything more to do with tractors , he absolutely hated them and as soon as he got out of hospital he went back to his farm and and started striping out all his tractor paraphernalia , all his posters, all his badges, T-shirts key rings etc. even his tractor wall paper and matching curtains and duvet set . David took them all out side into the farm yard piled them all up in to a big heap and on top he placed his prised Massey Ferguson bomber jacket . Then David emptied out a large can of diesel onto the pile and threw a lighted mach at it . Instantly it erupted in a huge ball of flames and within minuets the pile of tractor paraphernalia was reduced to ashes.

The following David put his farm on the market and within two weeks it was sold . David moved out of the area and bought himself a small two bed-roomed house in Swansea, South Wales.

A couple of years later , on a cold and snowy December night David decided to go down to his local pub for a few drinks , so he put on his flat cap wellies and green wax jacket and started off down the road to the pub. The wind was howling up the road towards him and it felt like it was about 15 degrees below freezing .

On his arrival at the pub he took of his flat cap and green wax jacket and sat himself down at the bar " a pint of old speckled hen please Bob" . Bob the land lord pulled David a pint of suspiciously murky looking bear and placed it down on the bar , David looked long at his pint " It's something cold out there tonight  " he said "and it ain't much warmer in here ether Bob" the land lord shook his head " I think the heating on the blink again I'll light the fire in stead that'll soon warm us up " . So the land lord piled some paper, kindling and some logs into the fire place and and lit it , the fire crackled and spat and the pub finally started to warm up to the delight of it customers .

Unknown to Bob the land lord , back in the spring a pair of wood pigeons had found that his chimney was the perfect place to build a nest and raise a family.The now abandoned nest was blocking the chimney and the smoke from the fire was now starting to fill the pub "blimey it's starting to get a bit thick in here" said Bob "recon the chimney must be blocked up " soon all the pubs customers were coughing and spluttering " come on Bob cant you open a window or something to get this smoke out " but try as he might none of the windows would open " can't budge them they must be painted shut " Bob said. " I know what to do " David anounced and with that he gotup onto a chair and started turning round and round , brething in and out as fast as he could. Within minuets the air in the pub was completaly clear, every one in the pub was amased "how on Gods earth did you do that " exclaimed Bob " Oh it's quite simple realy " explained David
" I'm an ex tractor fan"



Ok I'm going to run and hide now

God bless

Nigel

Ah! Nigel
Gotta pay that one ;D