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                                    TOP 8 MORONS

                                    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

                                    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

                                    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

                                    4.. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

                                    5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

                                    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?  A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart,' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No,' the man shouted, 'this is her husband!'

                                    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!  In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

                                    8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!  Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
                                    NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
                                    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

            

...................and they walk among us! :D

...and they vote!


Although I heard about this gem from the recent UK elections...


Conversation at a polling booth in Britain: (A young girl, a first-time voter rushes up to my table.)

Voter: "I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!"

Me: "Alright, give me the spoiled one."

Voter: "I can't. I put it in the box."

Me: "Then I'm afraid we can't get it back. The boxes can't be opened until the end of voting at 10 o'clock."
Voter: "But I didn't know! I don't want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!"

Me: "Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?"

(The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

Voter: "I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!"

(Source: notalwaysright.com)

And they reproduce..... :'(

Saw a guy at the home improvement store the other day who wanted a pallet of concrete mix loaded via forklift onto the roof rack of his Toyota. 

He was very insistent.  He was certain that it would ride just fine if he tied it down good. 

Given that a pallet of concrete contains 42 bags, each weighing 80 pounds for a total weight (less the pallet) of 3360 pounds, or just over a ton and a half, I thought it might be well worth sticking around to watch. 

Alas, the forklift operator wouldn't do it. 

It's hard to have any fun at all anymore.   :'(

Best,

George      

George....that there is funny!...and so very well written. The punchline had me spittin' my coffee.

THANKS...I NEEDED that......

Best,

Jon

'Fess up, George!

Is that story for real?

Regards,
Jim (still trying to clear beer from my nose)  ;D

George wrote on Jul 6^th, 2010 at 2:51pm:

Saw a guy at the home improvement store the other day who wanted a pallet of concrete mix loaded via forklift onto the roof rack of his Toyota.  He was very insistent.  He was certain that it would ride just fine if he tied it down good.  Given that a pallet of concrete contains 42 bags, each weighing 80 pounds for a total weight (less the pallet) of 3360 pounds, or just over a ton and a half, I thought it might be well worth sticking around to watch.  Alas, the forklift operator wouldn't do it.  It's hard to have any fun at all anymore.   :'(

That could have been a case of evolution in action.

Kilowatt3 wrote on Jul 6^th, 2010 at 9:05pm:

'Fess up, George! Is that story for real? Regards, Jim (still trying to clear beer from my nose)  ;D

Yes. 

Spooky, isn't it?   [smiley=eek.gif]

Best,

George

Think of how stupid the AVERAGE  person is...then realize 50% of the population is dumber then that! ;D

Joe

Joe, you always are an optimist. ;) lance

Guiseppi wrote on Jul 7^th, 2010 at 4:53pm:

Think of how stupid the AVERAGE  person is...then realize 50% of the population is dumber then that! ;D

Since the distribution of intelligence is not symmetrical (as there is a lower bound but no upper bound), more than 50% of the population are below average intelligence!

Now that is scarey!

Wonder if any or all of those occured during a full moon phase?

Just a thought! ;D

Donna Mae

The world needs stupid people, they keep us smiling.. :) imagine the alternative a world full of smart arses


Lefty

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;D ;D


Quote:

the judge wrote. "It is not as if this attack occurred when Hopkins inexplicably wandered into the grizzly pen while searching for the nearest White Castle. Hopkins was attacked while performing a job Kilpatrick had paid him to do — feeding grizzly bears."

;D ;D

Wonder if the bear got high off the victim ?
I'm bad, I know.  I just couldn't resist!   ::)