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Cluster Headache Help and Support >> Getting to Know Ya >> Hello from Cali... http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1270146953 Message started by Steph on Apr 1st, 2010 at 2:35pm |
Title: Hello from Cali... Post by Steph on Apr 1st, 2010 at 2:35pm
I do not suffer from cluster headaches but my husband of a year and a half does. He has had them all throughout his life but had until recently been in remission. He started having them again and it has been very hard on us. I have absolutely no idea what he's going through or how to be there for him. The first couple times he had them he was screaming at me to be quiet because whatever I was doing was hurting his head. So when he starts having them I try to leave the room and give him peace but he insists he wants me around... I just don't know what to do or how to be there for him. The doctor prescribed him maxall(?) to take when he feels the headaches come on, oxygen, and a painkiller for after the oxygen and it seems to be working. He mainly gets them at about 10-11pm but the last few have occurred while he's asleep and then he wakes up in agony. I wake up with him standing over me crying in pain and I just don't know what to do. He's pushing me away, saying he wants a divorce because I'm not there for him.. I just don't know how to be there for him. It seems like every other time I've been there I just made it worse. I love him so much and just want them to go away. He's been referred to a neurologist but has yet to make the appointment...
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Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by Brew on Apr 1st, 2010 at 2:57pm
God helps those who help themselves. So do marriage counselors.
He's gotta want to communicate with you, but it looks to me like he's wanting to lay blame. Try to get him to tell you very specifically what he wants you to do, and have him do this when he's not in the throes of an attack. |
Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by vietvet2tours on Apr 1st, 2010 at 3:02pm
Have him come here and look around.
Potter |
Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by Jeannie on Apr 1st, 2010 at 3:08pm
Hi Steph,
Sounds like you are having a really rough time. Thank you for being here for your husband. The fact that you sought us out shows that you care. I am a sufferer myself. I think it may actually be harder to support someone with CH than it is to have them! Not sure I could do it. You may want to post in the "Supporter" section to get more in touch with the wonderful people around here who offer support to their loved ones in their homes as well as here. They can help you from the supporter's point of view where I can only offer help as a sufferer. Can you get your husband to come here? Knowing that we know how he is feeling can make a world of difference. It also might help if you ask him , when he is not in pain, exactly what it is he needs from you when he IS in pain. When I am in pain, I like to be alone most of the time. Sometimes I do need my husband to be there though. I do not want to be touched unless I initiate it. My husband will sometimes bring me ice and energy drinks, or just help in turning the 02 on. But, mostly I just ask him to leave me. Since we have talked about it during PF times, he knows that it is not personal. I hope we can be both you and your husband. Please encourage him to make that appt with the neuro. Jeannie |
Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by Guiseppi on Apr 1st, 2010 at 3:25pm
Check your pm's......they're in the upper left corner of this board under "messages."
Get him on the board. There are thousands of us here, we understand. No one will tell him he's exxagerating or it's just a headache! There are many treatment options available, let's get his education started. You need to go to the supporters section and post there too! That's where our spouses, partners and families go to bitch about what absolute pain in the butts we are when in cycle. Lots of support there for you saints who stand by us. Joe |
Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by shaggyparasol on Apr 1st, 2010 at 3:32pm
I am a CH loner. Just want to be by myself. Everyone is different. Regardless, and as you probably know, these talks are always best done when both people are feeling good, not in the throws of pain. Wait until a pain free moment, nice day, relaxing and ease into a gentle, supportive discussion....
The pain is brutal and it has disrupted so much of my life. I am usually too frustrated to have a talk about it, especially if someone thinks I have migraines even after I have said it is not a migraine! and aspirin doesn't help!! >:( That was most of my family and friends for awhile. You are not in that boat because you have been here reading :).) A game plan is in order also. It would be interesting to hear what aborts and prevents he has tried. Until a few years ago I felt pretty helpless. I thought I was a victim. Since zeroing in on the caffeine relief and psilocybes I feel like I can fight toe-to-toe with the pain and usually come out pretty good. If those stop working I go for oxygen. This has made my CH discussions with my friends and loved ones interesting and bearable even fascinating and interesting. The stuff people do here works, get more info and counter attack! ATTACK!!!! (sorry got a little excited). This site can be essential for all of us sufferers to come to grips with our situation. Your support is inspiring to me and many others! --Shaggy |
Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by Steph on Apr 1st, 2010 at 4:14pm
Thanks you all for your kind words and support. I love him so much and just want to make things easier for him, be there in any way that I can. As I said he has had them for years but was just recently diagnosed so this is the first time he's used the oxygen and meds. With the headaches he had before he said he would just lock himself alone in a room for weeks just waiting for it stop. I found this website today and just reading the stories on the front page with all the detail and heartbreak, I'm scared. Again thank you all so much and I will definitely head over to the supporter's group. I will show him this website tonight. He needs to know he's not alone.
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Title: Re: Hello from Cali... Post by QnHeartMM on Apr 1st, 2010 at 5:01pm
Steph,
Come on downstairs to the supporters corner! Folks ahead of me here have given some great advice for your husband. Treating CH is a combo of preventatives, abortives, and also understanding triggers. They can talk more about that. The deal with oxygen is it has to be used correctly. If someone is using correctly, the headache should be over in 5-10 minutes. (Check the info under the yellow Oxygen button). So...here's what I do when my husband gets hit: He likes it quiet. Or maybe I like it to be quiet for him. Not sure. Anyway, he grabs his 02 tank. That's my signal. I grab him a RedBull (he likes the sugar free kind) and icepack. He drinks the redbull kind of fast, he likes it cold too. And he holds the icepack, if he wants it, on his head behind the eye area I think. he doesn't always use it. Then I leave the room. but I peek on him now and then. Honestly, he's been getting through them so much better this cycle since we added the redbull to the routine. The other thing is never leave home without tools. We keep imitrex in both cars. Generally he has his tank in the car too. And we have redbulls in the car. There's no reason to suffer when out. The other night we were at his retirement party and he got hit. He let me know...and he headed in to the bathroom for a shot of imitrex. He was back 5-10 minutes later, I don't even think anyone noticed. Also agree with Shaggy that major life changing conversations need to be deferred during CH time. We have a joke at our house that "It's the CH talking" if my dear husband is wearing his cranky pants that day. We can joke about it later, but not at the time. You're already showing your love for him by finding this site, now share what you're learning even more. And go ahead and get that neuro appt! Even though you already have the O2, the neuro can help get the prevent meds going. They're something he needs to take once a cycle starts to help block some of the CH's. Bob Johnson gave you great info about this. Good luck, and come down to supporters corner when you get a chance! Christy |
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