I don't know if it is the being in pain all of the time, or the fact that that being in pain all of the time has taken away so much of my life as I've known it for the past 38 years, I don't know if it the fact that I feel like I can't be the mom I want to be for my kids because of the pain, I don't know, all I know is I'm down in the dumps.

Do any of you feel like this?  I don't know maybe I am starting to come to the reality that this my be some life long thing I am going to have to be challenged with and that has me sad.  I just can not stop crying.  My poor kids, mom is always either reeling in pain or crying :(

hello, I know its tough, i try to hide it from my kids as well but you have to try to live your life in between the hits, live your life as normal as you can and when its your dance time just take the weapons you learned here and deal with it. Thats it!! period!! So quit crying (unless your in the dance) I know your tougher than that!! How do i know? BECAUSE YOUR A MOM thats how. You will get the other side of support here too.. this is just Coach Bill's tough love. Now get back in the game... Be Well

Sad is one way to look at it.  The luck of the draw sometimes sucks.

I have a feeling I know what will happen.........  
You are going to finish your tests with the Guru, and he is going to help you.  There is no cure as of yet, but I am sure Prof Goadsby can help you get some relief from the pain.
Then, you are going to learn to deal with the beast and not let it affect your entire life.  You are going to become good at aborting hits and maybe even aborting cluster cycles.
Then, you are going to look back and think about the shape you are in right now, upon finding this site, and you are going to try to help people in your situation.
Then, your kids will look at each other and say "Dang, Bro.  Mom is a tough cookie!!"

Hang in there.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

B$

I think being "down in the dumps" more or less goes along with being in cycle.  Whether it's a physiological change, or just the result of dealing with the pain, the lack of sleep, or the physical toll it takes, it's nevertheless very real.  It's depression.

Depression shouldn't be left unaddressed.  If it gets to the point where it affects your ability to function, then it should become a part of your therapy.  Whether that means talk therapy, or a pharmaceutical approach is (and ought to be) a matter for you to bring up with your doctor.  There have been times when I probably should have done so, when I did not.

Getting through this stuff isn't easy, but I think the best and only way is to focus your attention on the short view, rather than the long one.  Wondering whether your entire future life will be dominated by attacks stretching into forever will only depress you further.  One day at a time, one hit at a time.

You CAN learn to live with CH, and you CAN lead a normal, healthy, functioning life.  It doesn't happen by itself, though, and it doesn't happen right away.

You can do it.  You're stronger than you know.  Meantime, the good people at CH.Com are here for you.  Lean on us.

All the best,

George

I haven't had a day since September 12th that has been pain free.  Somedays *are* better than others and I am, indeed, thankful for those.  Most days, however, have me crying, it is so sad when a good day means you only feel pain at about a level 3.  I'm so tired, emotionally and physically, I can not even imagine spending most of my life like this, as alot of you have :(  

Don't you ever think, there HAS GOT TO BE A REASON?!?!?  I can not wrap my head around the fact that I have lived my life for 38 years, healthy, happy and comfortable and then all of a sudden boom, no more, life as I knew it.  THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, and if there is a reason shouldn't there be a way to FIX IT???

:(

George is a wise man. Listen to him.

I am sure there is a reason. I think there is a reason for everything. Perhaps I am just not meant to know everything about my life. In fact, if I think about it, it seems very egotistical to assume I would know, for certain, everything about my life.

Just move on. Somtimes it is all you can do and something is the a good thing. Try not to engage this stuff needlessly. Just focus on getting though and remember to celebrate each victory, no matter how small (like right when you get that feeling that your hits for the night are gone and you can get back to sleep! WOOT!).

Come back and update us as things progress please.

Praying your cycle ends soon...................

Kat,

Please check your PMs.......

Jeannie

Chin up, heels down. Depression is not uncommon around here. It will get better soon.
Has to be a reason is right between, why me why me, and dear Lord what have I done.
all the best
the bb ;)

i call my view on ch ,high speed low drag.
just get through it and find joy in between. easy to say hard to do. 8-)

depression is very real when in a cycle. ive been so depressed at times in my life(a 3 year cycle) that ive tryed suicide. i felt there was no way out, that i was gonna be chronic my whole life. but when im in remission i wonder "what the fuck was i thinking?" how could i be so selfish , make my son grow up without a dad, having my mom bury her son. i never would have met my wonderful and beautiful girlfriend. when you hit the light at the end of the tunnel. i m pretty sure im in remission. kels has told me today that im more alive than shes seen me in months. the point im trying to make is that there is hope, dont give in to the beast. i posted earlier that its my life, not his, and that im gonna kick the shit out of him next time. cuz i know its not over for me. there will be a next time. dont know when or where, but i will be properly prepared. i use to ask God "why me? what have i done to deserve this pain". nothing is the answer. i was born like this and ill die like this. i expect that ill have them until im in my 60's. that means about 50 years of this shit. youre lucky being able to have lived most of your life without suffering. i didnt get that lucky. ITS JUST LIFE. thats all i can say.
(hope this wasnt to personal or out of line)
chris

"Pain vs. Suffering--research support", a message posted on 1/7/07.

SSRIs used to treat depression have gained a good track record but docs have been long aware of relapses when the med is stopped. Research has lead to a recommendation that the med be continued for up to 18-months after the depression has lifted because this reduces the rate of relapse. Parallel research revealed that this longer use of the meds allows our brain to "rewire" itself leading to better long term outcomes.

The article (available on the OUCH site, last line) "Pain vs. Suffering" is based on cognitive therapy. These forms of counseling/psychotherapy have been strongly supported by good research. Now some evidence is appearing that these therapies act like the SSRIs to stimulate our brains to "rewire", affording protection against strong anxiety conditions. Bottom line: looks like it may be possible to alter brain functioning to build in a permanent reduction of the anxiety which besets many folks with CH. While the gods may not have made a final pronouncement yet, experience with cognitive therapy, so far, really supports its use to treat anxiety & depression. While using "pain vs. suffering" takes time, commitment, and practice, it beats endless use of benzos, etc.

"“My brain is generating another obsessive thought. Don’t I know it is just some garbage thrown up by a faulty circuit?” After 10 weeks of mindfulness- based therapy, 12 out of 18 patients improved significantly. Before-and-after brain scans showed that activity in the orbital frontal cortex, the core of the OCD circuit, had fallen dramatically and in exactly the way that drugs effective against OCD affect the brain. Schwartz called it “self-directed neuroplasticity’ concluding that “the mind can change the brain?’ (TIME, 1/29/07. Major article on the human brain.) (OCD is classified as an anxiety disorder.)

START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

Bmonee, George and Bob......all said it more eloquently then I can. Join in this forum, there's a lot of support and love here, sometimes that's enough. I loved Monee's last line...once you get a decent regimen going and get the beast beaten down, your kids will look at you and say Damn, our mom's a tough cookie!!

We all been where you are now, you're gonna be alright. [smiley=hug.gif]

Guiseppi

Hang in there!! You can do it!! When I say that to you, I am also saying that to myself.. I cryied when I read your post.  It was like you were speaking from my heart!! Reading your post gave me hope I had thought I had lost.   I would like to share a poam from my heart. well here goes:
Hope and Understanding
Tell me that there is hope. Grill into me that there is hope. Tell me every day, every hour if needed. Have understanding when I tell you that you lie! Because there is hope!! Even when I swear up and down on the Bible   that there is no hope. There is hope.

Hang in there.  This too shall pass!!! :-* :-* :P :P ::) ::) 8-) ;D ;D :)

I just "stopped by" this board to check in  - as I am PF and ended my spring cycle at 3 weeks in June of this year when I finally was able to find the shrooms.

Your post hit home so hard. I know I would do anything to end the clusters - I am 60 years old. My 22 year old was 9 when these started for me.

Please go have a look a clusterbusters.com

Meanwhile - arn't you glad all of these wonderful clusterheads are here to understand and lend you moral support ?  

Wow- that hit home here as well.  As you can see you are definitely not alone here!

I re-discovered this site 2 weeks ago when my cycle came after a year of remission (oh what a fanstastic state of false hope for a while!).

Earlier this week when my cycle really hit full steam, getting 4 per night and almost no sleep for more than an hour at a time, I got very weepy as well.  I felt I am being punished for something, WHY ME!!  I also felt that my 3 year old son was suffering- I spent every night after work isolated, sad, and anxious over when the next attack would come.  VERY depressed, very tired, with a bleak outlook on everything.   I mean- sure that attack is over- but there will be another tonight, and one after that, and one after that.  And tommorow, the same drill... and the day after that, and the day after that... I get very sad sometimes too.  

Thankfully I have found a "cocktail" of meds that aborts these pretty effectively (thanks in great part to this wonderful board).  My outlook is much better, and Im looking forward to catching up with my boy this weekend!!  

Kat you are definitely not alone.  Vent all you want here, this is what we are all drawn here for.  To help others and let you know you have company with others that know, understand, and have been though what you are going through... I think part of the sadness comes from the feeling you are isolated and alone, and no one can relate to what you are going through.

Wishing some PF days and nights to you soon-
Bill