Well we're in the final stretch now.  Hospice started coming mid week last week.  The nurse said yesterday that Fran won't make my Son's wedding on the 21st.  After sitting with her tonight I'll be surprised if she makes the weekend.

All the life is gone from here eyes.  All the signs of the end are there.  Those that have witnessed this last dance know what I'm talking about.  It's only a question of what gets her first, a breach of the Aorta, kidney failure, COPD complications, ...  It won't be long now...

While I was able to get away for my Son's bachelor party this weekend (see the thread in CH Specific) my wife was having a very difficult weekend here at home with morphine, atavan, ...

While the die is cast for Fran, please say a prayer for my wife Andrea.  She's about at the end of her rope right now after having gone through this same thing with her Dad 2 and a half years ago.  I see the same dedication, love and care being lavished this time too.  But the still unhealed wounds left from her Dad have been wrent anew.  This fresh wave of pain, grief and sadness threatens to overwhelm her.  All I can do is watch and be there to pick up the pieces.

While caring for Fran, Andrea is also preping the house for a rehearsal dinner on the 14th.  I don't know where she gets her strength.  I just pray that there is something left of her when it's all said and done.  

-Dennis-

All my prayers going out for Fran and the family, Dennis.

Poor Andrea... maybe it's time to call in the troops, and give her a break.

hugs, nani

Having been through this sort of thing, Dennis, I know exactly what you mean.

All my best to Andrea...and to you.  From what I know of you folks, you will have the strength to get through what has to be.

Best wishes,

George

So Sorry Dennis, all the love and prayers our family can muster to yours. [smiley=heart.gif]

Guiseppi

Oh Dennis, I'm so sorry. I'm absolutely lost for words but I'm thinking of you and Andrea and ALL your family and sending love

Helen xxx

I do not have the right words to say what I feel, but all my best wishes are being sent for you all at this very bitter sweet time.

Dennis,

I'm so sorry. Lots of prayers are on their way for Andrea, Fran and your whole family. [smiley=hug.gif]

Sanna

I'll be thinking of you and your family, especially Andrea. I understand how hard it is for her right now.  [smiley=hug.gif]

I'm praying for you and your family that strength and comfort would blanket all of you during this time.

Langa

Dennis, prayers for Fran, and all the strength and power for your wife Andrea. She is going through the toughest of times right now. So sorry. :'(

  Barry

This is just so very hard.  Prayers being said.

This is such hard duty, Dennis....my heart goes out to all of you.
Please know that you and your family are a constant in our thoughts and prayers.

Love & Big Hugs,
Jackie

Dennis - love and prayers coming your way.

Hugs BD

Just walked this same road with my Mom 9 months ago.  It's definitely one of the hardest things I've had to do so I truly send you prayers, love, and a wish for a peaceful passing for Fran.  God will give you and Andrea the strength you need to deal with this.

Hugs
Carol

Prayers going out for Fran, Andrea and your entire family Dennis.  

Beth

Prayers being said for Fran and the whole family.

Jeannie

Dennis thank you for keeping us posted. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family through this very sacred and difficult time. I can't think of a greater honor or privilege than caring for a parent or loved one during their final days.

Andrea the love and kindness you are showing your mom now will bless you a thousand times over. God will give you what you need.

with warm regards,
Tony

Count me in, bro!  :'(

Sorry that you are all going through this.  You will all be in my thoughts.

Sorry to hear y'all are going through this, Dennis.  Andrea and Fran and the rest of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Very sad....I'm so sorry.

Jean

Sorry to hear this, Dennis. Atavan and morphene can be a wonderful help in caring for the terminally ill. You and your wife are angels.

wrote on Jun 4^th, 2008 at 4:53pm:

Sorry to hear this, Dennis. Atavan and morphene can be a wonderful help in caring for the terminally ill. You and your wife are angels.

At this point they are looking pretty attractive to the caregivers  ;)

Thank you everyone for the prayers and and positive thoughts.  I can feel your energy carrying us through the day.

The cavalry show up last night in the form of two of Andrea's sisters.  They stayed through the night so Andrea could get some sleep.  It was a long night for them and we are greatful for the help.  Looks like it'll be all hands on deck till this is over.  De Ja Vu all over again.

It's been a rough day.  Fran continues her slow dance with the enevitable.  The internal bleeding has begun.  Her kidneys appear to have shut down.  

Though there have been lucid moments and even a few weak smiles.  She continues to ask to be brought to the living room.  After a little while we have to bring her back again and she sleeps.

During one of those lucid moments this morning she asked where her Grandkids (my kids) were.  I was bringing Emma (5) to my son Evan's house at the time but turned around and brought her back home.  I guess she wants everyone close.  Sometimes when we try to help we end up doing the opposite.

It's funny how different each of the little ones is reacting to the events unfolding around them.  Kallen (10) wanted to show her his baseball team picture because, as he says, "I look like a stud".  Liam (9) is closest to her is very angry at the world now.  He and I have spent a lot of time talking this afternoon.  Molly (6) is afraid to approach and stays on the opposite side of the room.  Emma keeps drawing pictures for her and sticks close by her side.

There has been a constant parade of her children and grandchildren all saying their last goodbyes.

I'm rambling...  Sorry...  But if I don't write it down I'll bust...

-Dennis-

I'm glad you can tell us hon, you have our thoughts with you every minute of the day.

So much love to you all
Helen

Dennis - Please watch for the following. Many hospice workers have told us that a person will often wait to die until all of their family has left the room. Somewhere deep inside, they don't want to put them through that.

Sounds crazy, I know. But that's what my father-in-law did. He waited to let go until we had all gone to the living room.

Keeping talking to us Dennis....you are not rambling, Sweetie...

We're all sending prayers and love.

Jackie

wrote on Jun 4^th, 2008 at 6:11pm:

Dennis - Please watch for the following. Many hospice workers have told us that a person will often wait to die until all of their family has left the room. Somewhere deep inside, they don't want to put them through that. Sounds crazy, I know. But that's what my father-in-law did. He waited to let go until we had all gone to the living room.

You are right on the money Bill.  The same thing happened with my Father and my Father-in-law.  It's like they hang around for the benefit of everyone else.

It'll get quiet later on...

-Dennis-

My heart felt prayers to you both. This is a tough time. My mom also waited till we left the hospital. I felt when I was with her a push to leave. It was overpowering. She passed 5 minutes after we left.

Prayers to your family :'(

wrote on Jun 4^th, 2008 at 6:11pm:

Dennis - Please watch for the following. Many hospice workers have told us that a person will often wait to die until all of their family has left the room. Somewhere deep inside, they don't want to put them through that. Sounds crazy, I know. But that's what my father-in-law did. He waited to let go until we had all gone to the living room.

Doesn't sound at all crazy to me.  My mother-in-law did that, and so did my father.

Dennis, I know it's a hard, hard road.  Please know that we're all thinking of you folks during this time.  

Best wishes,

George

((((((((Dennis & family)))))))))

Keep on writing, if that helps... [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Prayers are on their way,
Sanna

Thinking of you all Dennis, just wanted you to know we're all with you honeybun

lots of love to you all
Helen

She is lucky to have the 2 of you with her.  My prayers and best wishes to you and your wife.  I've gotten a little insight into the kind of person you are and I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is very fortunate to have you there to lean on

kevmd wrote on Jun 6^th, 2008 at 2:45pm:

She is lucky to have the 2 of you with her.  My prayers and best wishes to you and your wife.  I've gotten a little insight into the kind of person you are and I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is very fortunate to have you there to lean on

Thanks Kev but NO WAY!  I'm the one that married up here.  I'd be nothing without her.  She's my rock and my inspiration.

-Dennis-

There's a specail calm that comes over a house when this rite of passage occurs.  I'm not gonna say it is easy, but, somehow, it is special to those who rally round.
My mother rallied a bit when my sister arrived from CA. We talked in the livingroom while Mom slept that deep sleep thatis almost a coma.
We remembered that the Hospice nurses had told us, with our father, he needed to know "his girls" would be ok.........so we reassured him. That was what he had been waiting for. He slipped away peacefully an hour later.
Now,My sister and I have had a pretty bumpy relationship since adulthood. She came up to be with Mom as she was dying. I think Mom wanted to know if we'd mended our fences. Sure enough, we ended up in a spat......I finally stopped my sister from her rantings and said "wait, this is not what Mom would want"..we stopped our scrapping, and got to giggleing as we looked for a  spare toothbrush, and ,woudln't you know it, THAT ws the time Mom chose to slip away from us. I think she knew we had handled our difference, and felt we would be fine  from that point on.....
Mom died peacefully, with her daughtes both close by.......and what I remember most, in that shrunken, wracked countenance that was my mother, was, till her eyes closed for the last time, her bright blue eyes sparkled with her love for us...........and, as the sun rose, the birds chirped and hundreds of monarch butterflies filled the air.. her spirit? I'd like to think so........

Dennis, I'm glad you are  the man you are. I'm certain that you have stood by your wife's side as this rite of passage is performed.

Oh, and let's all say THANK YOU to the angels who are Hospice. The level heads and the warm hearts when we can't think through our grief.
What amazing people they are.

Cathi

Thank you for sharing that Cathi.  :'(

So the vigil continues.  Everyone is exhausted.  Sisters head home for cat naps and showers only to return within a few hours.  My 2nd oldest daughter has been here since Thursday.  Couch space is at a premium.  

Andrea napped a couple of times overnight but hasn't slept more than 5 hours in the last 48.  I’m probably double that in the same period.  I’m up whenever Andrea is not overnight.  Otherwise she is afraid to sleep.  She trusts that I’ll wake her if she’s needed or when the time comes. Thank God I'm not in cycle right now.  

Unfortunately my wife's two brothers and one sister are squabbling instead of pulling together through this.  In the process my house has become a bit of a battle ground.  One brother hasn't been here since the 6th.  The other left yesterday morning and hasn't been back.  Old feuds are boiling over and no one is thinking straight.  Now it's angry phone calls instead of shouting matches in the front yard.

I just sit back and try to keep as much as I can from Andrea.  This involves keeping all the phones by my side and filtering calls.  Nothing negative gets through to her.

Can't they all just wait till this is over?  Isn't there enough pain?  They've got the rest of their lives to hate each other.

Fran has been in a coma since yesterday afternoon.  She continues to deny the reaper his due.  Her COPD is doing the real damage now and her struggle is desperate.  Fran’s features sink and smooth as that which is her slowly slips away.  Still, her body labors on clinging to life.  I pray her mind is oblivious to the juvenile behavior swirling around her.

I don’t know how much more of this I can stand.  There’s the phone again…

-Dennis-

I think it's fear that makes people act like that Dennis, fear and guilt.

They can't cope, they are afraid of whats happening, regretting stuff they did and didn't do, facing life without "mum"..

They feel bad the burden is all on you and sometimes we react in stupid ways, instead of pulling together we pull apart, it's ourselves we "hate" - not anyone else.

I'm not excusing anyone, just trying to help you see that YOU are doing the right thing in letting Andrea have as much peace around her as you can allow right now

You're a good man Dennis. I'm so very proud to know you

love
Helen

Dennis,

I'm so sorry that I've missed this thread until now - having been on the board only here and there the past several days.  Fran, Andrea, you, and your entire family are in my prayers.

This truly is one of the most difficult things that a person can go through, and I'm sorry that some of the family are choosing to fight and behave in such a way instead of coming together, as they should.

Hang in there - you are an amazing strength, yourself, and I can tell you've done so much for Andrea just by what you've written here!

You all are in my prayers...

Hugz,
Carrie

Dennis - You'll be able to stand as much as you have to. It seems as though you've compartmentalized your role as the heat deflector. Embrace it - you won't regret it. Even if those around you don't understand just yet. They will eventually.

You're a good man.

[smiley=hug.gif]

Y'all are still in my thoughts and prayers, Dennis.

wrote on Jun 8^th, 2008 at 10:57am:

your role as the heat deflector.

Let's just hope none of my ceramic tiles get damaged.

-Dennis-

Dennis,
God never gives us more than we can handle...........although he might be testing your limits right now.
Perhaps it is time to tell the feuders that this is a stress=free zone. Noone is allowed to enter...or phone your house unless it is for a purpose other than the obvious sparing that tthey seem to enjoy. I hate discord, but, under any circumstances, it has no right to interfere with Fran's last days with her loved ones! Sheesh! That should be a given.........besides, arguing is so exhausting.......
Give yourselves time to rest, please and don't worry about everyone else..........you'll get thru this, somehow.
Fran's very lucky to have you both,
Peace
Cathi

The long ordeal is almost over now.  Fran passed away early this morning with her four daughters and one granddaughter watching over her.  I hope she is laughing and dancing with Oliver.

A big thank you to everyone here who has been in our corner this past week.  It has been a help to know you guys were there.

This is one sad house right now.  I have to go pick up the pieces...

-Dennis-

I'm so sorry I missed this post earlier.

Godspeed Fran.  
They live on in our hearts and in the memories of those who loved them.

Dennis and Andrea, I'm so sorry for your loss.

RIP Fran. :'(

Dennis, our deepest condolences to you and the family. :'( :'(

 Barry&Angie

Please accept my condolences, Dennis and Andrea.

I am very sorry for your family's loss, Dennis.  

Mike

I am sorry for your family's loss Dennis.  You have my deepest condolences.

Beth

Godspeed, Fn......to think! No more suffering!
Dennis and Andrea, you've done a fine job. My sympathies go out to you as I know there is a big hole left in your lives, but iteill begin to heal and the pain will fade while the memories grow.
Fran was lucky to have you both.
Now, some sleep, first, before anything else.

Peace,
Cathi

Dennis,
YOu and your family have my deepest sympathy.  Just remember, Fran is now unemcumbered by the frailties that kept her body earthbound.

Carolyn

Condolences Dennis and Andrea.  Fran's battle is over and she is at peace.

Hugs
Carol

[smiley=hug.gif] very sorry for you loss, Andrea & Dennis.  

Condolences Dennis and Family.

Jim and Barb

Godspeed Fran;  Dennis and Andrea, my deepest sympathies, may you both find much laughter and love through the memories of Fran in the difficult days ahead.  The celebration of her life will surely be mixed with many emotions, I hope you both find peace and comfort and that healing comes quickly for you.  

Cat

I just saw this updated post, Dennis.  

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Please know that we continue to think of you and your family, and wish you peace.

My deepest sympathies.

All the best to you and yours,

George

Love and prayers to you and your family...

hugs,
mel

I missed this post for a very similar reason. I was very busy with Lisa and checking out of school but also we were going through the same thing with my Aunt. She was being moved to hospice. The cancer was no longer treatable and she wasn't absorbing any nutrition. My Dad got a call Wed. night to come,the end was very near and would be less than a week. Sunday morning after everyone left the room other than her son, she quietly passed. Hospice was there for the family and everyone couldn't say enough wonderful compliments about the care.

I am so sorry for your loss but honestly can say it is so much more comforting after the waiting is over. I have been jumping every day the phone rings. It's so hard waiting for the inevitable.  My sincere sympathies go to your family. I hope wonderful memories will fill the void and sadnesss.

Charlotte

At peace with all the assurance of loving bedside caring vigilance through her time.  My condolences to you Dennis, Andrea, and family.

My deepest sympathies to the family.
Rest in Peace, Fran.

hugs, nani

I'm so sorry for your families' loss. Prayers for peace and comfort to you all.

My deepest sympathies,
Jen

I am so very sorry

I'm so sorry, Dennis.  Deepest condolences to you, Andrea and all who loved and knew Fran.

May fond and loving memories help you all in this time of grief.

Much Love,
Jackie

Oh Dennis, my deepest sympathies to you and Andrea and all the family, Godspeed Fran, you're where you can watch over you family best.

Helen

Sorry this is so late, your family are in my thoughts... :'(

I am very sorry, my prayers are for all your family...

                                    Hugs

                                                 Rosy

                           

Dennis, Andrea & family, my deepest condolences. I'm so sorry for you loss. I wish you all strength as you face this sorrow.

Sanna

Dennis, my deepest condolences for your and your family's loss. Fran is in a better place now, smiling down on all of you.

Dennis:

I'm sorry for your loss.  I pray for peace for your whole family.  My heart goes out to you all.

Ray

Dennis, My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.

with warm regards,
Tony

Dear Dennis and family,

So sorry for your loss.

May sound strange but I thank you for sharing. No one is truly gone who is remembered. Your immediate family and this one, we will remember.

God's speed Fran....

Best Regards,

Jon

Dennis and Andrea,

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I hope there is some comfort in knowing that she is at peace now, and her suffering has ended.  May the memories you have of her bring you comfort and maybe even a smile or laugh or two as you move through this very difficult time.  Thank you for sharing this, Dennis - and I'm glad you could come here and get some support/unwind about it all.

Much love,
Carrie

So sorry Dennis, Andrea and family... I missed the post also... I am sure the festivities are all done by now... I am truly sorry for your pain.  Be well
love ree