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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> dating with CH's
        
(Message started by: EyeSoreCanadian on Jan 13^th, 2008, 11:03am)

Title: dating with CH's
Post by EyeSoreCanadian on Jan 13^th, 2008, 11:03am

Well, I am single for the umpteinth time. Everyone I have dated has had an issue with CH's including my x wife who would walk away from me when I had one. I tried not telling women I have CH, some I would tell. Some would see me have severe CH's. Not one of them were ok with it. Some lied and said they were. Some told me when we broke up. They all told me after the dating that the CH's were the biggest issue. Some when they find out dont even want to see me again. I never thought people could be that cruel and heartless. I am chronic so I have multiple attacks per day. Atleast 1 attack per day above a Kip 7. I can't hide it.
Any suggestions, comments,feedback???? I am the one with the disease not them and I seem to be the only one thats ok with it and manage. I dont get it.

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by minime on Jan 13^th, 2008, 11:33pm

Hi EyeSore,

Sorrry to hear you have had such a bad run of luck with women. Personal experience says there ARE women out there who are fine with CH, my wife and the partners of most on this board are very supportive and understanding,

The only real suggestion I can make is that you be very up front about it, being chronic theres no way you cab hide every one of them, so they might as well know on the first date - at least it saves you some heartache.

I imagine dating a CH'er can be exremly difficult, my wife has stood by my side msny times with immitrex and ice.

Dont lose faith, they arent ALL bad ;)

Daniel

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by outofcommission on Jan 14^th, 2008, 3:24am

ah yes. i remember those days in my early 20s. beer, smoking, perfume, the whole social scene was a trigger for me. a ch episode is a big pain in the ass when your looking for some lovin, its embarrassing and pretty damn hard to explain to somebody who doesn't really care. "what the hell is the matter with him?" other than the headaches i bet your a pretty swell guy too. i have always told myself that if somebody is so freaked out about my condition (employers included) then f#ck em. maybe we can start a blog just for clusterheaded singles. lol i do know what you mean though.

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by Angie on Jan 14^th, 2008, 8:58am

When you meet the right person, they will love you with or without CH.

CH will separate the girls from the women.

Hope you find the right woman to stand by you in the good times as well as the bad times.

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by Jackie on Jan 14^th, 2008, 6:10pm

Ditto....Angie is right.

Clusterheads aren't wussies.....supporters aren't either.

Just keep looking, Sweetie....the right one is out there and you'll find her when you least expect it.

Jackie

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by Mosaicwench on Jan 14^th, 2008, 9:40pm

on 01/14/08 at 08:58:50, Angie wrote:

CH will separate the girls from the women.

Ah Angie - you speak like a woman married to a clusterhead for 25 years - just like me!!

There ARE spouse supporters who believe that those vows we took MEAN something. That better/worse and sickness/health thing really means something. And we stick to it.

Don't give up - there are more of us out there.

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by George_J on Jan 15^th, 2008, 2:46am

on 01/13/08 at 11:03:19, EyeSoreCanadian wrote:

I can't hide it.

And you shouldn't have to. CH is part of who you are--but it's only a part.

Somewhere, there is someone who will see the whole person. We're not just our headache. Someone perceptive enough, and mature enough, will realize that surviving the thing in your head makes you a stronger and more empathetic human being than you otherwise would be, and therefore someone that has what it takes to make a life together.

What you need (and what I truly believe you will find one day) is a real woman--not a pampered child.

And they do exist. I've been with one for 32 years.

Hold out for your brave companion. She exists.

Best wishes,

George

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by EyeSoreCanadian on Jan 15^th, 2008, 6:34am

well thank you. For the first time. I felt love last night. I am 35 live at home with my son and folks. Dad is a cancer survivor, mom has bad arthritis and I live with my folks because of them, my attacks and he 80% custody I have of my son. If I lived on my own. Id loose custody. be unable to afford to live on my own because of the minimal pay I get.(no one likes to hire a CH sufferer) and my parents health. Well dad was more than pissed at me last night because of the money I owe him. Been trying to sell my HotRod and pay him off. Well the sale isnt going to well(being winter here in Canada) and he wants his money. I hear about it 10x a day. Anyway. he was so mad at me. I went to bed upset. 2 hours later woke up to a Kip borderline 10. They found me on the floor screaming ang crying and banging my head on the wall. They came and condolled me and cried along side of me. Wow, I was beside myself. I never felt so much love from my folks as I did last night. Sadly woke my son up. My son has been my saviour the whole 3 years of chronic pain I have had. i have thought of sucide 3 times. Once lasy month. The attack was a kip 10 and last almost 3 hours while in bed with my x girlfriend. I dont think I would have done it. I just wanted out. It bothered me the whole week that that thought had even entered my mind. I felt horrible for even thinking it. Its not like I wanted or went looking for a knife to off myself., But just that those thoughts of wanting out scared the hell outta me. I never told anyone except my girlfreind at the time. Except for now. I dont have these thoughts anymore. I ama pretty logical sane person. I think thats why it bothered me. I appreciated the love and support my folks gave me at 11pm last night. My dad is a pretty cold person and to see him cry along side me, meant alot. He is not that type of guy. Yes. perhaps one day I will find that girl whom will lay beside me and cry along side me. But until then I am content just being a single dad. If all I have is my son when I die when I am old.,Iam happy with just that. He is all I need. he is the greatest 9 yr old son a dad could have. And good grandparents to him and folks to me.
Sorry for the rant.....it had to be let out. thanks

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by Mosaicwench on Jan 15^th, 2008, 3:14pm

I'm not a doctor or a clusterhead - just a supporter.

That said, have you read up on the "treatments" board? I would think waking up with a Kip10 you'd head straight for oxygen - or whatever abortive you have available. Or have your supporter (parents) bring whatever you use to you. Red Bull, O2, coffee, imitrex . . . . there are multiple abortives and treatments that may work. Have you tried any?

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by EyeSoreCanadian on Jan 15^th, 2008, 8:11pm

Yes thank you. I was a Guninnie pig for 1.8 yrs with one of Canadas best Neurologist for CH. Tried alot. I ended up throwing it all in the toilet after the 2nd year from bad side effects. Only thing I use for Kip 7 or higher is Imitrex injection or anything less Aleve. Aleve only blankets it but makes me function. Oxygen dont work for me. I tried so many drugs from my Doc,. I lost trac. Weight gain, impotence, mood swings, and so forth made myself use nothign but Imitrex. After 2 years of trying things month after month I was no farther ahead than now. Only difference now is no side effects and no crap in my body. thanks for offering I do appreciate the advice

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by sandie99 on Jan 28^th, 2008, 1:03pm

What comes to ch and dating, I recall very well how scared I was at first. For a long time I did my best in hiding ch all together from my closeones, no naturally the idea of getting hit in front of a stranger on a first date didn't appeal to me. So for a while I didn't date at all, just tried to learn to live with the beast and learn what it meant to me.

And in some point I decided, fine, I'm ready to date. Then I decided also to tell each guy about ch. I recall just one of them freaking out, the rest were understanding and compassionate. One of them more than others - he actually read about ch between our dates and asked me all sorts of questions about it. Later on, he sat beside me when I was getting hit and on other time when I cried, simply out of exhaustion. We've been together for 2 years.

It is possible to find someone who love you and understands ch; like the posts before me mention, it does reveal who is in it for real. It's that "in sickness and in health" part. If you really want it, you'll find someone when the time is right, that's how I saw it. Maybe the time has not been right for you yet... ;)

Sanna

Title: Re: dating with CH's
Post by tirednalittlesick on Mar 31^st, 2008, 2:09pm

I don't know if this helps, but it's all in timing and not rushing things. I have noticed the best relationships are the ones when you just start off as friends. I don't suffer from CHs, but my boyfriend does. He's only had one other girlfriend before me and that was before the CHs started. Since then, he didn't even want to bother, because he didn't want to put the girl through it.

When we met last year, he looked so tired. He told my mother (his acupuncturist) he'd been meditating for hours. I tried to make him laugh and it only made him more tired. I had injured my foot, and after my mother treated the both of us, he drove me home. We became friends quickly and we hung out for several months before he asked me out. I said no. I liked him. I knew he was something special, but I didn't feel it yet. Somehow, a few weeks later, I changed my mind and since then, every day I find more and more things I love about him, and every day I wake up grateful to have someone that works so perfectly with me. We're always on the same page, we don't fight, and we get each other. I love him more than I could ever say. When he started his CHs a few weeks ago. I lost it. I was crying and crying and I could hardly look at him. Since then, I've gotten into the swing of things. I can usually remain calm and I focus on my breathing making sure I appear composed so he doesn't have to worry about me when he's going through it. I have gotten into the habit of just being there when he has it (as long as my anxiety isn't skyrocketting) just to give him the option of human touch. I feel helpless. I know I can't do anything for him, but at the very least, I try to become his human stuffed animal. I hold him when he's shaking, crying, and soaking with sweat and tears. I try to comfort him the best I can. It's hard to watch, but I can't just walk away from him.

Anyway, I don't want to make this all about me. I just want to let you know there are good women out there. You just have to take it slow so they can get to know you and see how great you are. If you're friends first, it really helps.