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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> struggling to be a good supporter
        
(Message started by: lcollette on Aug 20^th, 2006, 10:31pm)

Title: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by lcollette on Aug 20^th, 2006, 10:31pm

I have been with my boyfriend for only 8 mos. and within that time frame he has been in a cycle more than half that time. I support him the best way I can, he will not allow me to see him when they hit......even though it would be a comfort to him to have me there, as he has told me. With the meds he is on, and I can't remember all litheum is one, he is afraid to be with me, in physical way, for what may happen.....it is sooooo frustrating..... [smiley=frown.gif]

It is hard at times because friends are telling me to stop seeing him but they do not know anything about CH at all, to them it is just a headache...My feelings for him are too deep and my understanding and support for him is strong... [smiley=heart.gif]....But I just want you all to know that when I get down and things get depressing, I come back to this site and things become clear to me again. I will NEVER give up on him. He is so special that I will always stand beside him in this. Even though things get rough......moods swings, depression, etc.....It is hard for me at times but nothing compared to what he is going thru. Thank you for all your help and support....I need it. as we all do...... :)

Lauana

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by BB on Aug 20^th, 2006, 11:32pm

Dear Lauana

I am too is a supporter for my husband. He is going through his first diagnosed cycle and things are really tough. This is week 4 and he is still getting hit 3-4 times a day.

He wants me to be with him during a hit and I tell you its almost as painful to me as it is to him. I would much prefer me having the pain than seeing him suffering.

I try to be strong and positive but at times I get into my car and sit there and cry my eyes out.

So its really tough being a good supporter, regardless whether you are present at the time of the attacks or not.

But hang in there, these things do stop. They always do. I used to look at the clock and do the count down. My husbands attacks usually last for 1 hour. Seeing someone you love very much in so much pain makes you feel that time is standing still. But no, they will pass and the cycle will end. Then you will have your wonderful, funny, loving, caring man back.

Dont give up and never give in. Just hang in there. Just let him know that you care and that you are there with him always, if not physically its spiritually. Just that thought will give him more strength to take on another day.

Hugs.

Annette

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by The mad viking on Aug 21^st, 2006, 12:45am

All i advice you to do is read this thread

http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=supporters;action=display;num=1063832550

Just know you are not alone

Svenn

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by lcollette on Aug 21^st, 2006, 8:26am

Svenn

Thank you so very much for sending that post. All I could is cry reading thru it......It is exactly how I feel sometimes.....and I am new at this.......but like everyone says "I love him" and will do whatever I can....... :'(

thank you so much again :) :-*
Lauana

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by lcollette on Aug 21^st, 2006, 8:30am

Annette:

Thank you fro responding......It is a comfort to know that there are people out there just like you. My friends don't know or never heard of CH and can't give the help that a supporter can.......Good luck to you also, this is a never ending thing....and I am ready to tackle that devil the best that I can. Thank you again :) :-*

Lauana

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by Margi on Aug 21^st, 2006, 10:08am

Hi Lauana,
Sorry to hear what you're going through but want you to know that many of us have walked in your shoes. Myself, I've been a cluster supporter to my hubby, Mike for 20 years now. He, too, prefers to cluster alone and I know how hard that is on the supporter. The feeling of being powerless to stop his pain is overwhelming at best.

As to your lack of physical connection with your boyfriend...all I can advise you is to be patient with him. Quite often, sex can launch an attack for a clusterhead and he's probably terrified because of that. Increased heart rate and blood pressure can quickly aggravate things for him.

Hang in there, gal - you're not alone with this. Here's some stuff I wrote a few years back when I chaired the Family Services Team here....have a look through and see if it helps you to understand a little more how to cope.

http://www.clusterheadaches.ca/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=100

Hugs,
Margi

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by lcollette on Aug 21^st, 2006, 1:03pm

:) Margi:

Thank you for that article in the Canadan website.....I know that this is fairly new to me but he was very straight forward when we met about CH. So I decided that if I was to get involved I was going to find out about CH...... Yest you feel helpless, anger, adjectives you can think of.......

It is just nice to know that when you want to vent or just say something this website and all of you wonderful people are there when we need you...... :-*

Love Ya all
Lauana

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by maffumatt on Aug 21^st, 2006, 1:30pm

Forgive me for being late to welcome you, we love our supporters here and just the fact that you are here shows how much you care. Welcome, read, and learn. and let me say THANK YOU for being willing to stick with your sufferer. Alot of people can not handle the stress of being the partner of someone with CH. Get him here on the board if you can. I know that I learned alot about dealing with CH from the people here who have dealt with it far longer than I have.
Matt

Title: Re: struggling to be a good supporter
Post by lcollette on Aug 21^st, 2006, 3:26pm

Matt:

My suffer is the one that told me about this website.....I thought that if I was going to get involved I must know everything I can about CH......to be fair to him......I know that there will be times when you think are going nuts but that is why this site is so great......just to know that there are others out there going thru the same thing. I was just saying that it is a shame that we have to meet good people in different coutries, etc just because of this monster....... Thank you again :)
Lauana