Clusterheadaches.com Message Board


    
      
        Clusterheadaches.com Message Board
        (http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> Feel Guilty Sometimes
        
(Message started by: SweetMelissa on May 5^th, 2006, 1:05am)

Title: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by SweetMelissa on May 5^th, 2006, 1:05am

I am the wife of a CH suffer, I do suffer from tension/mig headahces, due to a car accident I was in 6 years ago. I know that those are nothing to what my husband suffers from numberous times of the day. But to me they are bad, when I get them. This is usually once or maybe twice a week depending on the stress level I am at during the week.
I often feel bad for complaining about them due to the fact that I know what he goes through with his headaches, because I know that they are nothing compared to it. But when I do complain I often feel guilty because I can take something and it will go away normally within 30 to 45 minutes. I hate to say anything to him about it because I feel like a sissy or silly or complaining.
Does anyone else every experinced same? I know I'll never know what he goes through and I know that mine aren't to be ignored, but I really don't feel that I have the right to complain.

Just needed to add this,

Melissa

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by deltadarlin on May 5^th, 2006, 7:48am

Pain is relative to the person who is feeling it. When you hurt, you hurt, it doesn't make any difference if your pain does not *equal* what your husband is going through. I also have migraine/tension headaches and they have lasted up to three days because I was hardheaded and wanted to try everything else first before I broke down and took a Maxalt (or I wasn't sure that it was a migraine~I don't have a lot of the classic migraine symptoms).

My husband has clusters (although he is out of cycle~thank-you) and he has always taken the stance that it doesn't make any difference as to the *type* of pain, it just hurts (not saying that's what your husband does). My daughter also has a chronic illness that pretty much gives her pain every day of her life, sometimes it's not too bad and sometimes it's so bad that she can hardly walk. Pain is relative in our family, so we all support each other.

'darlin

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by fireball on May 5^th, 2006, 11:04am

I understand why you feel guilty -- I'm sure every good supporter has gone through that as well. BUT, so much of this is beyond our control. We can only do so much to help our sufferers, and ourselves. I also get migraines periodically, and as much pain as my husband is in, he still offers to help out, and still asks if I'm okay. I usually start my sentence with "you probably don't want to hear this..." or "I know this is nothing compared to what you go throug, but...". If they love us, they want to be able to support us just as much as we want to support them. I can only speak for what it is like in my house, but I know that my husband feels guilty if I, or our children, withhold things or change plans or do anything like that b/c of CH. We just have to do all we can to keep life as normal as normal can be, and not let the CH control us. I know -- much, much easier said than done.

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by fireball on May 5^th, 2006, 11:07am

I also wanted to add something -- for anyone that also endures migraines -- I was prescribed a bunch of the usual migraine meds, and nothing helped until I started taking the herb Feverfew. You can buy it at most bigger Wal-Marts, herb stores, etc. Just thought you may want to have another option to try.

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by SweetMelissa on May 5^th, 2006, 11:19pm

hi fireball,

My hubby is a sweetheart when I am having one of my headaches, even if he has one himself. He'll get my pills and an ice pack and make sure I am comfy. He's a real doll.
I don't know what I would do without him in my life. He is my best friend and I think that is what makes it so hard to watch him suffer from those. I know that all I can really do is be there for him, the same as he is there for me when I need him.
I am going to check into what you wrote about mig. Mine aren't always bad, but I do manage a couple a month, mostly around that time of the month? do you find that too?

thanks for listening :)

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by deltadarlin on May 6^th, 2006, 9:32am

on 05/05/06 at 23:19:59, SweetMelissa wrote:

Mine aren't always bad, but I do manage a couple a month, mostly around that time of the month? do you find that too?

thanks for listening :)

Mine are almost 99% tied into hormonal changes. I was diagnosed with what are called *menstrual* migraines many years ago. Since I don't have them that often, I most often use an abortive, rather than trying to take something to stop them before they start (went down that road too). I've used Imitrex injectible and tablets (dont' care as much for Imitrex because the pain intensifies so bad before it stops the headache), one ofther one which made me sicker than a dog and Maxalt. Maxalt is my friend!

'darlin

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by fireball on May 6^th, 2006, 2:18pm

I've never noticed a pattern with mine, although one of my sisters is definitely tied into time of the month.
I used to keep a bottle of feverfew handy, and would just take 2 at the start of a migraine (mine always starts with the vision problem -- only being able to see 1/2 of everything) before it progresses to everything else. When I used it that way, it would be gone w/in 2 hours, as opposed to it lasting 1-2 days. I now take one feverfew a day, and as long as I do that I never get them. I am afraid to stop taking it, b/c the few times I did, I ended up getting a migraine. But, it's an herb -- totally natural, no side-effects, so I don't mind taking it everyday. And, it's fairly inexpensive.
Good luck!!!

Title: Re: Feel Guilty Sometimes
Post by mischki on May 23^rd, 2006, 11:10pm

I suffer from Migraines too - hormonal. They were really bad until my son was born. Now I only get them about "once a month" (if ya know what I mean) and they're not that bad anymore.

I try not to mention that I have one now, though, but not just because I know my pain doesn't even come close to what he goes through, but because the sad thing was, when I used to get them, my husband would say "why don't you just take something and quit complaining?"

Now that he has CH, he feels so guilty about how he treated me when I'd have a migraine that kept me in bed for 6-8 hours, that when I mention that one is coming on, he babies me. So I try not to mention I have them unless they're really bad and I'm gonna have to go to bed.

I agree, though, that only you can know the worst pain YOU'VE ever had. It's like trying to compare apples to motorcycles.

Hope both of you have many PFDAN!