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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> why isnt my mom more supporting?
        
(Message started by: tessa_c on Feb 25^th, 2006, 1:30am)

Title: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by tessa_c on Feb 25^th, 2006, 1:30am

this is directed just to the mothers of sufferers, but all else are welcome to comment.

ive suffered all most to my wits end every year from march to june for almost 6 years. throughout this time i have lived with my mom and 12 y/o sister (who has suffered from migraines for 1 year.)

i have tried to talk to my mom about my attacks and lashed out about the help i didnt get from doctor #1, the little bit of help i got from doctor #2, why isn't neuro #1 listening to me. read this doesnt this sound like me and 6 years later this is finally what neuro #2 and doctor #3 said is wrong with me. but she doesnt seem to listen, or doesnt seem to care.

i printed out the letter to co workers and friends and left it on the table before she went to work, i got up and it was still there.

my little sister has suffered from migraines for the past year and is seeing the pediatric neuro in neuro #1's office. all the info that i find on migraines i try to share it with her. i bought her a book to keep a migraine diary and through that they found out that her triggers were allergies.

i support all migraine research and when i buy a t shirt or bracelet i buy 2 (one for lil sis and one for me). i tell my sister that we have to support people like us, and tht we have to educate the people that dont know.

but why is the one person that needs to know in my life, and that i need support from wanting to stay in the closet. im not asking for special treatment or pity. i feel happy when i find out new info, or when i get put on a new med. i was estatic when neuro #2 said "CLUSTER" that means progress to me. it was more than i knew 6 years ago.

im just asking for understanding and "ok, tessa's head hurts turn down the tv" or "hows the new meds tessa." then i can be left alone to battle my demons. knowing that there is someone in the other room with a sword thats fighting for me too.

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by kayarr on Feb 25^th, 2006, 9:27am

Tessa,
May I first say that I am sorry you suffer so. I mean that not only in the physical aspects but the parts that mess with your head too. You are doing a fine job of taking care of business and should be commended on that.

On to Mom; It sounds like your Mom is alone with your 12 year old sister. True? If that is so it may be that she is depressed and could use some antidepressant to make her participate more in life. Or, it could be the way she was raised. Some people grew up in a home where everyone kept their distance and she may not know how to be that attentive. All I am saying is it isn't your fault. Your Mom is probably caring about you as much as she knows how. It is hard to find that kind of support in someone who doesn't have clusters. You can always find that kind of support here.

Bless you!
Write if you want.
Kayarr2k@yahoo.com

Kimberly

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by kayarr on Feb 25^th, 2006, 9:29am

PS,

Keep it up with your sister:) You are Great!

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by tessa_c on Feb 25^th, 2006, 10:11pm

i really dont think that my mom is depressed. and my family is pretty tight knit. its just the 3 of us since our dads in the military.

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by kayarr on Feb 26^th, 2006, 1:00pm

Tessa,

Just remember our parents are just human. They do the best they can with what they have to work with. Talk to her about what you and your sister need. Keep helping your sister and for your own good please try to not harbor any resentment. That only hurts you.

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by miapet on Feb 27^th, 2006, 3:17pm

sometimes, when people don't know what to do, they end up doing nothing . .. it's kind of a catch-22 . . .if I do the wrong thing, I hurt them . . .I don't know what to do, so I will probably do the wrong thing . . .I don't understand what's going on and I have no answers, so if I say something, I'm probably saying the wrong thing . .. sooooooooooooooo if I play 'ostritch' (my mother should have had long legs, a long neck, and feathers *G*) then I can just keep doing what I'm doing .. .
I think that leaving out information is good . . .but when I'm overwhelmed, it just looks like one more thing added to the toooooooooo much to do already. Maybe just letting your mom know, hey, I would really like to talk to you about what's going on . . .or, when you ask about X it really helps me feel supported . .. or, I know you don't have the answers mom, and neither do I, but just knowing you're here for me really helps . ..

As a supporter, I know that the most helpless feeling in the world is watching my loved one get slammed and my not being able to kick the beast's @$$ . . .(and I am just as educated on CH as my partner, maybe more . .other than the actual h/a itself) . . .

*big ole hugs* hang in there honey, and keep supporting your sis . . .you two can be the rock for the other to lean on . .. and mom will do what mom can do . . .maybe you could even leave this site up on the computer some time? share it with her in a non-threatening way?

*positive light and energy*
miapet

Title: Re: why isnt my mom more supporting?
Post by ABarham on Feb 28^th, 2006, 4:37pm

Tessa - You hang with this group and you will get support. I know it is not the same thing as having your mother's support but it beats nothing. Supporting my son has not always come easy. No one "outside" can possibly understand the pain you suffer. But this group has certainly opened my eyes and led me in a direction of more help. It breaks my heart everytime I see a hit coming. I think I almost know before he does. Yet, there is nothing I can do except to be there for him and to do whatever he asks. I think that leaving this board up for your mother to see is a good suggestion. Maybe she doesn't know that there is support here for her too. We can all help each other understand. When you know there is nothing you can do to "fix it", as a mother that sometimes feels like failure and you never want to feel that you have failed your child. Let her know we are here for both of you.
You are a wonderful sister, be sure to keep up that support.

Hang with us kiddo.