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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> a praying wife
        
(Message started by: cissy on Oct 19^th, 2005, 4:20pm)

Title: a praying wife
Post by cissy on Oct 19^th, 2005, 4:20pm

My husband is a long time suffer of cluster headaches.
he has been on lithium,trileptal ,relpex,and imitrex.
It seem like the last 3 months he has been having attacks daily. He is also acting out in abusive ways towards me verbally and physically and is also having paranoid thoughts. I know sometimes his neurologist prescribes some type steroide medication to knock the clustrer headache out. Right know he is just on the relpex. My husband I feel has sleeping disorder, maybe sleep apnea, because he snores, he also has a deviated septum which i'm sure is blocking oxygen to circulate to his brain when he sleeps. Lately he has been telling me that all this is my head,and i'm the one that is mental. I guess in a way he is right because someone that was not compassionate, understanding, and most of all in love with this man would have left [smiley=huh.gif]along time ago. We have been married 18 yrs. We a son 18 and a daughter 15. I would appreciate any comments with and opened heart, and mind.
thanks,
cissy

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by Mishka on Oct 19^th, 2005, 9:13pm

Have you tried talking to your hubby's doc? try contacting him and let him know about your husband's behavior... i'm sure that he'll be able to do something or at least point you in the good direction...
Don't give up hun! i know it must be really hard but you can help him or find help to get him out of that nightmare and be himself again! Let me know how things works out!

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by rextangle on Oct 19^th, 2005, 10:58pm

Ok, I'm gonna be very blunt with you. I'm not a doctor, but my guess would be that your husband has more than cluster headaches. The verbal and physical abuse shouldn't be there. I don't think you should have to tolerate this, CH or not. Please talk to your doctor about this, this is the best advice that comes to mind, but I wish you the best and good luck to you.

Rex

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by nani on Oct 20^th, 2005, 12:21am

A few people have reported increased aggression while taking lithium. Trileptal is also used for bi-polar disorder, so it could have similar side effects. I definitely suggest that you talk to his dr. In the meantime, keep yourself and your family safe. The CH isn't going to kill him, so if you need to get out...do so.
pain free wishes to your home, nani

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by Margi on Oct 20^th, 2005, 8:47am

I agree with Rex - putting up with physical/mental abuse is NOT part of the deal of being a cluster supporter!! That's just plain wrong. >:( My hubby has been on lithium and imitrex and he has NEVER acted agressively because of the meds! (not trying to disagree with you, Nani, I'm just saying that Mike doesn't react that way to lithium).
Cissy, you do NOT have to stay with a man who hurts you, whether you love him or not, you don't have to put up with abuse! I know it's none of my business and I've probably gone too far already.
But it's not the clusters that are causing him to be abusive to you - so don't let him tell you that.
My prayers are with you, Cissy, please keep yourself safe. :'(

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by cissy on Oct 21^st, 2005, 2:40pm

I would like to thank all who responded to my call. Your input is very valuable to me. Yes I have tried to leave a few times. Right now i'm so tierd mentally and physcially
It's been hell more then what willing to admit. He is good at spinning his webb. Even my own parents side with him. My situation is deep.
once again thank you all for your insights.
cissy

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by Heather75 on Oct 21^st, 2005, 4:42pm

If you ever need to talk to someone, this is the place.

Please talk to the Dr. like everyone said, and I would highly recommend avoiding the steroid treatment due to his temper.

Please, please, take care of yourself!

Wishing you the best.
Heather

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by lizzzz on Oct 21^st, 2005, 5:00pm

Hi Cissy,

I'm finally in the light at the end of that same tunnel. We went 3 months this time and when he came off the steroids he wasn't as agressive but still much more so than normal. Waiting for that pain to hit again is just unbearable and makes them unbearable. These ladies whos husband are still their sweet selves are very lucky. Now mine is back to the sweet man I love and I thank God for giving me the strenth to hold on. Is your husband episodic? Are they stronger and the cycle last longer than when he was younger? Are the cycles further apart? This is how my husband has progressed so I was curious. Kenny is still snoring in an unusual way that started during the cycle. I thought it was from inhalant medications. Which are a god sent because they seem quicker. You hang in there girl. And let us know when ya'll get some relief as I know you will.
Lizzzz

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by ClstrHeadSupport on Oct 24^th, 2005, 10:17am

I don't know what advice I can give but I would like to share my own expirence. That's what this board is for right?

My husband has NEVER been physically or mentally abusive. He's the most gentle person I've ever met. But there was one medication that he was on that I did see a big change in his personality. When my husband and I first met he was on Stadol NS regulary. That was his imitrex you could say. (At this time we hadn't found this site, so he didn't know about imitrex) And I never noticed any big side effects. After we had found this site and actually found some preventitive medicaitons his doctor gave him imitrex and stadol as back ups. So by this time my husband was rarely using the stadol.

Well this time around I noticed when he used it he would be mean. His entire personality would change, he was the total opposite of my husband. It was so strange to see. I mean I can't bag on him totally, to make a long story short I was in a pretty abusive (both mentally and physically) relationship before I met my current husband. So on top of my husbands normal gentle attitude he's always taken it one step further to assure me that my life would never go down that path again. And because of that I will admit to being overly sensative. But anyway, when my husband would use the Stadol NS he would almost be like a grumpy teenager. That's the best way to describe it. Kind of like, no matter what you do or say they're mad at the world type of thing. He was always grouchy for however long the medication would last. And he would literally seem to have the mindset of a child. For example there was this one time that we had to drive somewhere far to drop off a cat we were selling. He had taken the stadol maybe fifteen minutes before we walked outside. Well when we got outside he asked me what we were going to put the cat in and I handed him a box. The box was empty at this time and instead of closing the lid and putting the box on the front seat he proceeded to try and put the box on the front seat with all the flaps sticking up. He got so frusterated he threw the box into the street. It was like he was having a tantrum. I couldn't help but turn and laugh (because by this point I had it figured out that it was the medication). So I thought, well maybe if he has the mindset of a child since he's obviously acting like one, maybe treating him like one will work. So I did. I told him I wasn't going to deal with his attitude and that he was to sit in the car until I was ready to go. Sure enough like a child he crossed his arms across his chest and stomped to the car where he sat, mad face on, until I was ready to go. The the next day when I told him what happened he had no memory at all. The last thing he said he remembered was me telling him we were going to drop off the cat, and after that all he recalled was waking up the following day.

Now, if he has to use Stadol it's a last resort. And I make sure to keep him at home.

No abuse should be tolerated. While it's perfectly normal to lash out when you're in pain, it's a different story to be abusive. In pain or not. I would talk to his doctor about it all, as everyone else has advised. Maybe even schedule an appointment with him without your husband knowing. Go from there. Either way you can't tolerate the abuse, and even if it is the medication or something he's going through for the time being, it may be in your best interest to possibly move out for a while. Go stay with a friend or family member until he can get his actions under control. And if he can't, then you need to leave him. Best wishes for you.

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by TxBasslady on Nov 1^st, 2005, 6:40pm

I'm a sufferer...and I have witnessed several sufferers while in the throws of a full blown CH.

The verbal and physical abuse is not characteristic of those I have witnessed.

Could be the meds....could be something in addition to the CH as Rex said.

Hope you seek medical attention. Supporters have pain too...and we sufferers are aware of this. No supporter should have to experience physical and verbal abuse from anyone...especially the one they support.

PF vibes,

Jean

Title: Re: a praying wife
Post by Woobie on Nov 1^st, 2005, 10:29pm

OK - I hope i read and understood your post correctly.

If you've been married for 18 years and he's never been physically or mentally abusive before.......then maybe it's the meds.

Steroids and lithium ( a mood elevator).......
well, I know from MY experience that steroids can make you angry - for NO reason......... I have to take it all the time, and I wake up so pissed off for no reason, I cant stand it. I have to seclude myself - honestly.

I can only imagine being that angry on a mood elevator (lithium). It cant be a good combo for those who react that way to steroids.

Talking to his doctor would be what I would do, personally.

If he was abusive before the meds... then I dont know what to say. Obviously - you're still there... and that's your choice. I just hope you're not letting pity for him and his pain stop you from keeping yourself and your children out of harms way...........

(if I read your posts right - if i got it wrong, i apologize)

Please take care of yourself. Good luck
Tina