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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> I feel selfish
        
(Message started by: ellyn on Mar 30^th, 2003, 9:40am)

Title: I feel selfish
Post by ellyn on Mar 30^th, 2003, 9:40am

My husband suffers. We were married in Nov, and since then, nothing is okay. First the topomax gave him kidney stones over and over. That was misery. But, I didn't know what misery was.

He recently had colon/rectal surgery and the cluster headaches that had been in hiding are here now with a vengence. The insurance company doesn't want to pay for the imitrex. The O2 is empty and until he sees a new doctor in 2 weeks, we don't have a prescription.

We were going to try to have a child. We are both in our late 30s and realize that we have to do this now. But, we are never intimate. That seems to cause a headache.

I hate that I am whining. I love him, but I really didn't know what I was signing up for. We don't have a normal life and there seems to be no chance of that ever happening.

I was encouraged when I read several posts that mention children, but I don't know how we could handle them when just getting through a night is so difficult.

He is not working, so all of the money pressures fall on me. And, he drinks. Sometimes allday and almost every day. He says that it helps, but that is when I loose my patience and just want everything over.

I guess after all of this rambling, my question is, is it common to use alcohol (18 -24 beers a day) to relieve the pain?

Thanks for listening.

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by BobG on Mar 30^th, 2003, 10:11am

No, it is impossible to out-drink a cluster headache.

Please encourage him to get help for his addiction.

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by cathy on Mar 30^th, 2003, 5:30pm

Hi Ellyn and welcome......Im so sorry that things are so bad for you at the moment...I think the first thing you have to do is get your husband to sort out the drinking....if you read through the board you will quickly see that drinking is one of the worst things for a clusterhead sufferer (in most cases).

Get him to post here maybe that would be a start, to realise he and you are not alone.

I wish you well for the future...keep us posted.

Cathy :)

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by Ree on Apr 6^th, 2003, 7:44pm

ELLYN no one is ever whining that has to deal with cluster headaches~~~ It is never easy to be so helpless, lose sleep and feel so all alone... It almost seems as if they are having an affair with a demon... Cluster headaches rip you away from the very person that you love and look to as a partner... when in cycle there is no partnership you are forever alone...
Everyone laughs at me because I try to get so involved in Daves cycles but that is what brought me here so it cant be a bad thing... Even if I am loggin his CH attacks and figuring out the specs on his cycle whether right or wrong I feel as if I am supporting him...
There are a few guys that use alcohol as an abortive method... I have a hard time believing this helps because in my husbands cycles if HE drinks it makes his attacks worse and makes the meds not work... When he gave up beer and liquor during his cycle it shortened the duration... I also know that one of my dear friends that uses alcohol as an abortive method is CHRONIC...
I feel that maybe HE is CHRONIC because he wont stop drinking... dunno... wish they would try it anyway... and see Dave never believed it until it was the last desperate measure and it stopped his cycle within a few weeks where his previous cycle was 7 months... rambling here but I hope i helped feel free to email me... ree16angel@aol.com... love and luck to you Ree

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by Mikey on Apr 9^th, 2003, 6:33am

Ellyn, I am chronic and had to stop drinking all together and believe me it was a very hard thing to do because it seemed to be the only thing that would relax me from the beast. Now I realize that the beast just loved for me to take a drink, but, i was'nt addicted to alcohol so it did'nt give me withdrawals. The doc has me on valium for a number of reasons and that seems to realax me after an attack. You difinitely cannot drink a CH away, believe me i used to try, but it DO'NT work!

Hope you and your husband find relief together.
Me and my wife have a lot of problems due to CH too, but you sure don't need to bring drinking into it.

Wish you the best of luck!

Mikey, ;D

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by little2late on Apr 12^th, 2003, 6:53pm

Ellyn: Hi, My husband was by far an alcoholic, but, yes he did drink that many beers a day......Not all the time though, so I guess he did it as someone already had stated "to calm the beast".......I never saw him drunk. His drinking when he did it would start in the morning and now I know why??? I only wish i was given a heads up about these headaches........My husband was such a gentle soul.....He never complained, always was in a good mood and if he wasn't you wouldn't have known it.
Hang in there with him.....I wish I could have another day with mine.....
xoxo :'(

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by BillyJ. on Apr 15^th, 2003, 1:45pm

hi Ellyn,
my name is minnie and my husband billy has clusters.sorry to hear you guys are having such a hard time. :( Billy is eposodic not chronic what is your husband ? how long does his cycles last if you know ?
Unfortanately right now you guys have a lot to deal with.hopefully when this cycle ends things will improve and all your plans will come together.whine ,rant do whatever you need to do to help you get through this.we are here for you.
keep in touch and let us know how things are going. :)
Minnie

Title: Re: I feel selfish
Post by daisymae on Jul 27^th, 2003, 11:34pm

Hi there, I am an extreme newbie to this site so all I can offer you by way of advice is to do what is right for you. I do not suffer from cluster headaches, but God do I suffer. I cant stand to watch him go through pain like that. On occasion I have to pick up his end of the financial burdons, but not often. The drinking thing, in most cases seems to me to be an "easy" way out. The funny thing about that is that the "easy" way out never works. Either way, it sounds as though you are more than supportive and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Just because we as CH supporters dont get cluster headaches doesnt mean we dont get cluster heart-aches watching the people we love in pain.
Hang in there and make sure you do what is right for you. If you dont take care of yourself, you wont be able to help him. Just dont feel selfish or guilty as then you will feel down too. Head up and take care.