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Title: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on May 3rd, 2002, 11:01pm Im pissed...as a supporter... I have a husband that says he would do anything to stop the pain... He doesnt want another cycle to begin... Then why the f@#$ did he start smoking again... This is when the supporting gets hard. When you live with someone you love and he is coughing so hard every day. The doc sent him for an xray that he wont go and get and he probably has emphezema (SP???)... I have to sleep with him and he coughs himself into eternity and keeps me up all night. He wheeeeeezes during intimate moments... and is taking the chance of cutting his life short and leaving his daughter fatherless. The same fate he lived as a child, fatherless. Alot of the CHers here smoke... Why? when they know its a trigger... Why smoke... Maybe quitting is the magic bullet for some. Has anyone even tried to quit that smokes? I used to smoke... I quit when I started going with Dave because he had quit back then. Go figure... I dont smoke because I want to be around to see my daughter get married. I dont know sometimes I dont think he loves us to be this sick and still smoke. It just pisses me off... you should hear him cough. If his cycle starts up Im gonna think it s because he started smoking again... sorry just me venting. Ree ps and he snuck around until I finally caught him who does he think I am his mommy..........duh???? Damn! ITS Hard to support someone that isnt honest... thats it Im done. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Monique on May 3rd, 2002, 11:37pm Awe Ree, I can totally understand where your coming from. I too am a supporter and when my hubby's cycle started up again, he was still drinking beer and smoking. I asked him over and over to quit and to his credit he did try. (okay, so it was for five hours *shrug* it's the effort that counts?) I know it's frusterating. I know you get to a point some times that you just want to put a pillow over thier face. I think at one time or another we all get there. Only thing that stops me is that I know that he and the kids have come to the same place with me repeatedly. I too used to smoke. Once my older daughter came to me when she was really young (I never smoked in the house but had just come in from having one outside) and she came up to me and put her head on my lap and started to cry. When I asked what was wrong she wailed and between sobs sputtered "It's nnnnnooot fair!!! You're gonna die and get to go to heaven, but I gotta stay here and cry cuz you're dddddeeeeaaaaddddd!!!" Now I know you're thinking that I must have thrown those rotten old stink sticks away at that very moment! Right? WRONG. I got mad and told her I would be fine. Promptly getting up and going outside in frustration to have .... yup, a smoke. (what a bitch eh?! was my coping mechanisizm for dealing with stress and she inflicted stress! sad really. :( ) Took me two years later to quit. Didn't last much longer than a few years, started again, got really really sick and stopped, got better and started again, got sick and stopped, got better and started..... (you thinking I be crazy right?!) I just recently quit again. My point? Don't really have one (what else is new?) cept that I know both sides. My husband is furious with me when I start again. Our kids just about lay eggs when I start again. I feel like crap when I start again.... BUT I START AGAIN. I hope I have the resolve to never do it again, but I likely will. I think the hardest thing for anyone having to tend to a loved one that is suffering in any way is to see them do something that you know is going to make them worse or hurt. After all, a big part of that is that they not only hurting themselves but those that care also end up carrying a portion of that burden with the repercussions. I don't really have any good advice for you Ree. I doubt this helped at all. But I can tell you one thing for sure.... it absolutely never, never, ever helped to have anyone tell me I "should" "need" "have to" "better" quit. It's truly something you gotta want to do all on your own, and more importantly, you gotta want to do it for yourself. Like you said, you quit to be there for your daughters wedding. Your choice for your reasons. He's gonna have to find a reason for himself. He may never. That's sad, but it's something that no amount of nagging or crying or trying by anyone else is going to do. Hang in there. I hope he finds a reason soon. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Margi on May 4th, 2002, 12:15pm Aw Ree Girl, I'm so sorry to hear that Dave's started smoking again. TOTALLY understand every SINGLE word of your post. We supporters walk parallel paths, don't we? BIG HUGS, honey, you're completely justified with your venting. We are helpless to change the actions of others in this life and that's what's so darned frustrating and maddening sometimes. Nope, I doubt smoking makes a difference in clusters - I think we've already proven that here a few times. But it DOES make a big difference in all other areas. It's a darned powerful addiction that is not easily overcome, we all know that. But, Ree? If it helps you any, your post and the example you and other courageous souls who have quit smoking sure make ME think about trying to do it again. So you see, honey - someone out here IS listening to ya. ;) Hang in there, girl - and keep a strong foothold on this. And, Monique? Greg's not gonna be the only one pissed at you if you start again. Are we clear on this? Love ya Ree - you're one of my heroes, girl. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Bonnie on May 5th, 2002, 9:21pm Ree - I know too exactly how you are feeling. I have never smoked so it is hard for me to understand the strong addiction that smokers have and how difficult it is to quit. But....it will never work unless Dave decides himself to quit. Warren was told he had to quit 2-1/2 years ago when he was diagnosed with bladder cancer - did he quit? NO. Then this year he had x-rays that indicated pre-emphysema - and that along with the knowledge that he would soon be turning 50 and his life insurance premiums would jump up - and he would be ineligible for anymore life insurance - that seemed to scare him - and he has quit now for 5 months. It is so great - he has gained some much needed weight and he is much healthier. I just pray all the time that it is for good. Just try and support Dave in every other way and hopefully something will click and he will make that final decision to quit. I will be thinking of you. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on May 5th, 2002, 9:59pm Thanks Bonnie Margi & Monique... its nice to know that Im not alone in all this... I will try not to give him a hard time about this. but... I am squealing to the doc. He is probably pre emphesema too... thanks again Love you all Ree |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by MaureenG on May 18th, 2002, 11:54pm I can completely relate to everything you are all saying. (I thought I was the only one who had thoughts about a pillow over the face) ;) I can't pressure my boyfriend, Steve, about quitting smoking because, unfortunately, I smoke too. I have read posts from those that have quit with no improvement in the attacks. I get so frustrated when Steve also says that he would be willing to do anything to get rid of his headaches, but he doesn't want to do anything he has to work at. He's out of work right now because of this monster, so his sleeping patterns are totally out of whack! I know some of it is out of his control, but if he would put a little effort into it, I think he could straighten out his patterns. For many, many months, he was up most of the night with brutal attacks, then due to not sleeping all night, plus his medication, he would sleep most of the day, so of course, this would bring on another attack, and because he slept so much of the day, he couldn't sleep at night. It's a never-ending cycle, but if he would take one day to stay awake, he would be tired at night. He also doesn't eat regular meals due to this crazy sleeping pattern, and that obviously doesn't help. He's also a beer drinker, but he has seen some improvement since switching to mixed drinks. I know it's not the ideal solution, but if he likes a drink or two with dinner, I guess it's the lesser of two evils. Anyway, this rambling was my way of saying that I understand how it feels to hear him say he would do anything, but doesn't even try the simple solutions. When I mention these suggestions, he says, "I know, you're right", but doesn't change anything. We do have one bit of good news. On our last trip to the ER, they were not able to get his attack under control, so he was admitted for four days. During his stay, they started him on Verapamil and Depakote, as well as constant access to oxygen (although it took two days to convince the nurses to give him a non-rebreather mask). They sent him home with a prescription for the Verap and Dep. It has been two weeks since he was released, and they seem to be helping quite a bit. He has actually had several PFDAN (I can't remember the last time that happened) and he has only had four severe attacks, with only one lasting more than 15-20 minutes, as opposed to the usual 1+ per night lasting 1-2 hours. He's considering doing away with the Dep due to the risk of liver damage, but after reading so many people talk about Verap, I think that in itself will be a big help. We're hoping to find a good neuro so he can continue the medication, as well as get on oxygen therapy, but it's hard without insurance right now. I suppose we'll have to find some way. (Wow, if we both quit smoking, that would do it). Guess I gave myself something to think about. I don't know how taxes are in your states, but here in RI, cigarettes run at least $4.00/pack. Let's see, at 3 packs a day between the two of us, that's at least $360/month. WOW, that would cover the neuro and the scripts!! Well, I've just made myself sick now. Especially since I know we'll both be stupid enough to keep smoking for a while. I've got to stop this habit of rambling, but I have to blame genetics. (You should hear holidays with my family). Well, keep on supporting, Maureen |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Jayne S. on May 20th, 2002, 9:50am Hi Ree :-/ I think it's like when you have a baby you kind of forget the pain when it's gone. My husband too stopped smoking and drinking. He went back to drinking and only smoking once in a while( hates himself after he smokes though). Yells at me for smoking too. Hang in there I'm sure he'll see the light and see how much it's been bothering you! Just don't hound him for that makes it worse. Good Luck...Jayne S. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by NotH20 on May 21st, 2002, 10:37am Ree - I can only imagine how frustrated you are. I surely hope I'm allowed to post on this section of the board ??? I have had CH's since 1980 - smoked prior to that time and quit in 1989....and yes unfortunately still suffer w/ the damn beast. I don't believe that smoking has an effect on the actual cycle at all. Hell I've even tooted on the O2 inbetween smoking cigs! :o Coming from a sufferer's point of view - the pain is SO intense that a person will do just about anything to make it go away. All smokers know that it is not healthy to smoke - so you saying that to your hubby will do not good. But a part of him just wants a little relief - a distraction - something of comfort during such a difficult time. He obviously finds that in smoking. I'm sorry that you have to go thru the pain of feeling not loved and worried that he won't be around for your daughter...that's an awful load to carry around on your shoulders. Although I don't know either of you, I'm sure that's not how he's feeling at all. Supporters are such a big part of our lives...WE NEED YOU!!!!! You cannot change another person - I agree w/ the earlier post - he will quit only when he wants to. It's difficult to sit back and watch someone slowing deterioriate their health on purpose....that I can totally relate to. But sometimes it's not our choice. I know that the fellow supporters are of great help to you and have more profound words that I.....take advantage of them. WE LOVE OUR SUPPORTERS!!!!!! Good luck to you and your family..... NotH20 |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on May 21st, 2002, 7:19pm Thanks for your support. I just dont get it... I guess I just think smoking is stupid... end of story... If I was walking down the street stabbing myself... You would stop me right... We know smoking kills people yet we allow the people we love to smoke... I sat with a client that couldnt come to me at the salon any more because she was embarrassed to bring her 02 to the salon. I used to do her hair at home. She got so bad, all from smoking. I watched her neck blow up like a frog each time she took a breath. I did her hair the day she died... This is reality folks if you smoke especially today it will kill ya. I promise. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on May 21st, 2002, 7:23pm annnnnnnnnnnd I also have a stupid sis in law if she quit her 2 pack a day habit they could afford a down payment for a house... a new car etc... all she does is cry poor mouth... They roll pennies to eat but she always has butts go figure... Her kids were also born so underweight that one had to go on 100% oxygen at birth and has birth defects... No thats ok all of you keep smoking........ |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by chalo on Jun 13th, 2002, 9:51am due to my 13 month old daughter i cut my smoking back considerably.I too want to see her graduate,marry and all those things that make life worth it.However during a HA i tend to smoke alot more.I think it is a false security blanket type thing.But I do get mad at myself.Some day i know I will completely quit but,the proper motivation and inner strength must work together.Without one or the other it is tough as hell.I hope Ree,for all of your sake he will listen and respect his life and the emotional well being of the rest of you.life is way to short to spend your time killing yourself.I'm learning.keep fighting!!!!!!!! >:( :) |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on Jun 23rd, 2002, 8:28pm Good for you Chalo (pretty name by the way) sorry I didnt respond to this earlier thought it was a done deal I know alot of people here smoke and they dont need ME telling them how bad it is... I used to smoke and I quit for my kids too... Now Im facing skin cancer and I have to now watch out for the sun and alot of other things I enjoy... because I want to be there for my kid... I guess I'm on a little pity party because I feel like I always have to be the responsible one and it gets to me after a while... ok Im done thanks for your responses. Dave is now back up to his two pack a day habit so no need to even bother talking about it... Ree |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Margi on Jun 24th, 2002, 4:55pm BIG hugs for you, Ree. :-* Sorry you've got a bumpy road to travel right now, girl. You might be just a tiny little person in real life, lady, but I've seen your powerhouse of strength here time and time again. I have every faith that you'll sail through this latest hurdle with your usual ease and grace. Don't forget where to lean if you need to rest along the way, ok? Hugs |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on Jun 25th, 2002, 9:23pm thanks Margi it means alot to hear you say so... You my friend are a rock... thanks love me |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by jonny on Jul 1st, 2002, 3:57pm Anyone in this thread got a light?.....LOL .............................jonny |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on Jul 1st, 2002, 6:55pm jonny...You and Dave can smoke yourself silly when we come to your house in a few weeks... Your house is part of Daves truck route when he does the Weymouth hits... he takes the right at the light on your street to the post office instead of left ... too funny.... I cant believe you just spotted this post, it is so old... Ive given up on him quitting just upped the insurance and working out so I look good when he goes............ maybe a plan for the princess in your life too... dont pick on me....... ill just tell ya toBe Quiet jonny |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Margi on Jul 2nd, 2002, 8:58am "upped the insurance and start working out so you can look good when he goes...." Ree......you totally crack me up. I like the way you think, my friend!! ROFLMAO!!! |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Candy on Jul 2nd, 2002, 11:09am Anyone who's looking for inspiration to quit and the dumbass reasons like feeling good, watching your kids grow, smelling nice and so on just won't cut it? Move to Ontario - we just hit $7.00 a pack - minimum. Seriously, what a ridiculous addiction. I have a life full of reasons to quit, but now I'm thinking this would be a good time because the patch is actually cheaper than the butts now. What a moron! Oh well, if it gets me going and I'm successful, I guess it really doesn't matter what the reason is. Ree, keep your chin up, hon. Every experience is a lesson, so what are you learning? Besides how it feels to actually want to strangle someone, I mean! |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by echo on Jul 2nd, 2002, 12:09pm They just added another 50 cent per pack tax in Kansas. Puts us at $5 +. Time to quit. I could use that extra stress in my life. Need to be careful not to get addicted to doughnuts (aka. cop engery biscuits) |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Margi on Jul 2nd, 2002, 12:22pm we got all y'all beat out here in Alberta, Canada. We're paying a minimum of $9.50 a pack here right now. And 70-80% of that price is tax. That's incentive enough to quit - just to piss off the government!! :P |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on Oct 27th, 2002, 9:57pm OK HERE WE ARE. WHATS THIS ABOUT 6 MONTHS SINCE THAT LAST POST ON HIS RETURN TO SMOKING??? HES ON ZYBAN... NOT MY IDEA BECAUSE IM NOT COUNTING ON HIM QUITTING ANYMORE. WELL THE MEDICATION WORKS SO IF ANY OF YOU GUYS OUT THERE GET THE URGE TO REALLY QUIT IT TOOK ABOUT 10 DAYS TO GET INTO HIS SYSTEM. GET ON ZYBAN NOT WELBUTRIN (BEEN THERE DONE THAT) IM SURE IM TALKING TOO SOON HE SNUCK A COUPLE WITH DRINKS LAST NIGHT HECK IF HE SMOKES JUST ONE PACK A DAY ILL BE HAPPY... HE IS SO MELLO TOO... WE WILL SOON SEE I GUESS... NOT COUNTING ON IT BUT WE WILL SEE... REE |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by BonnieW on Oct 28th, 2002, 6:24pm Great news Ree - I'll say a prayer that it works! Warren tried the Zyban but couldn't handle the way it made him feel, but at least he was at the point of wanting to quit. Then, when he used the patch he was able to quit. Lots of guys he knows lately around his age having heart attackes too - another motivation to quit. I just pray that when the next CH cycle hits he will not not start again. Tell Dave to hang in there!! And best wishes to you too. |
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Title: Re: Here's one thats bound to get feed back... Post by Ree on Oct 28th, 2002, 9:10pm thanks Bonnie at this point Im not counting on it I know that sounds mean but hes gone back all 750 times he has tried before... keepin my fingers crossed for his heart too... love me |
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