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        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> Good and Bad supporters
        
(Message started by: Mastifflvr28 on Mar 10^th, 2002, 10:28am)

Title: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 10^th, 2002, 10:28am

Hi,
I don't have a "painless" supporter at home. I have a painless husband (well, he's a pain in MY ass) but he's not really a supporter. Although 4 years ago I scared the shit out of him and the next year he helped me get my oxygen, finally.
But from MY standpoint, I can't say that a "painless" supporter is the best supporter. When I need support once a year, I come here and find my friends that have gone through the experience. They are my support, and a lot of them are "painless" supporters too. But I can't devide them up and say one is better then the other...
Jayne last year was my biggest support. She called me up and yelled at me that my verapamil dosage was "fucking stupid" and convinced me to up my verapamil. THAT helped me tremendously last year.
All the gang is HSG chat has been the greatest support for me last year too. It was the first year that I found chat...and I haven't left yet. I've been in remission over a year now, and whilst I'm not in cycle, I support.
So...from MY standpoint, I can't say that a painless person is a better supporter.
Because there are Great supporters, and BAD supporters :)

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Margi on Mar 10^th, 2002, 12:13pm

I agree there are some bad supporters out there, Michelle. Hopefully, a venue like this will continue to help educate them as to how to help a clusterhead cope.
But, as I said to you in my note, I can't agree with your terminology of 'painless supporter'. It's kind of an oxymoron in my books. Because we do feel pain.
The whole reasoning behind starting a supporters groups was for the folks who DON'T feel cluster pain, but need help understanding it. I don't see why that is so wrong and why, all of a sudden, it's becoming an 'us and them' arena here. Maybe DJ was wrong in trying to give us supporters our own rooms to vent about the challenges we face. It's obviously causing certain sufferers some sort of upset.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 10^th, 2002, 12:25pm

So, I guess I'm just a little confused then...I'm not sure if I'm a sufferer and don't belong in here...or if I'm a supporter too...and CAN post in here?
Seriously, is this painless (NOT painless) supporters arena only?
Thinking about it...I think it really is.
Ok, that's ok, no biggy.
You can move my thread to general if you want.
Just wanted to make a point that supporters come in all shapes and sizes.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Ted on Mar 10^th, 2002, 12:36pm

Nahhh. It wasn't wrong at all for him to get this board going for you supporters who don't get cluster headaches but live with it everyday and suffer in your own way from it. Day in and day out of living with a clusterhead and also being a true supporter (and not just someone living with one and not being a supporter) shows a much more inbred compassion of a person, often, then if the compassion and support was born from the actual pain. I think supporters who live with the clusterhead have a lot more weighing on their shoulders and hearts then those of us who do it through e-mails and calls. I truly admire those who actually do it (and do it from their hearts and not an ulterior motive) with whom they live with.
I hope this isn't becoming an "us" and "them" arena. If it does, I'm joining the "thems." :)
I think DJ made another great decision in choosing Margi as the moderator.
Hey Monique. Congratulations on the award.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by nancyc on Mar 10^th, 2002, 12:50pm

It looks like this thread has been totally misunderstood...Mastiff, i have known you for a long time on the mb and I dont feel your intention was to question wheither or not there should be a supporter's corner....that does not sound like your style. I know what it is like not to have a supporter in my home also...wish i did sometimes...and i have a few supporters who do not have chs and alot that do....and I would not be able to tell you who helps me the most....love is love. I know we all appreciate any support we can get with the beast... At any rate, I read your post several times before posting and hope others will do the same.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 10^th, 2002, 12:58pm

Thanks Nance,
I guess MY main problem is this area IS the supporters corner ONLY. For reals, it says so in the description.
Which is just fine. Margi or DJ can move this thread to the General section, cause basically it's just my opinion anyways. They can even delete it for all I care :)
And I agree, I could not say that clusterheads or NON are the biggest support. We all support each other here on the MB and that's where I get my support from :D

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Ted on Mar 10^th, 2002, 1:29pm

Hi Nancy and Mastiff. Maybe this will help to clear up any confusuion you may be encountering. I didn't see the word "only" in the description of this page (it says "Don't have cluster's yourself but care for someone who does? Share experiences with other "clusterhead" supporters here...") but I did see this in a post from Margi to everyone about the supporter board (some things are edited out because they may add additional confusion as they are refering to a situation encountered on the support board a while back):

"Before anyone gets the wrong idea
« on: Feb 18th, 2002, 2:20pm »
This forum is here for all of us, just like the rest of the board. But, just like the funnies board, there is a main topic in this room, and that is supporters and how we cope.

All are welcome to post and read, supporters AND sufferers alike... It could get ugly in here at times, sometimes supporters hit the wall, too. But that's ok, that's exactly why this room is here...

...I guess the biggest reason for posting is that I've gotten mail from some sufferers who are timid to post here, thinking they are not welcome in here, or worried they said the wrong things... EVERYONE is welcome here. We're all family, for Heaven's sake!! Without our sufferers, our supporters would be pretty lost, let me tell you."

Hope this helps.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Margi on Mar 10^th, 2002, 2:36pm

My apologies to everyone concerned with this thread. Guess a six month visit from the Beast does take its toll on us after awhile (yes, even us painless folks) and sleep deprivation gets the better of me sometimes.
Mast, of COURSE you are welcome here. I've always considered you a friend, and I'm sorry you're not getting the help you need at home. Ted, thanks for what you said. As always, you're my rock.
There isn't a REAL Supporter of the Year Award. I just made that up to brighten a family's day for an entirely different reason. I see now that I should have worded it differently.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 10^th, 2002, 7:30pm

Thanks Margi and Ted,
I really didn't mean to be confrontational...I can't "do" confrontation.
I just wanted to throw in another point of view to ponder.
Sorry you and Mike are having such a rough time right now...
This whole board is support!! Notice how many new people are showing up and getting showers of supports? I'm proud of this whole board :)
Mast

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Monique on Mar 11^th, 2002, 9:59am

Hey Mast,

You know there are good supporter and bad ones. There are nice CHer's and really jackass CHer's. There are also good folks and crappy folks of all kinds.

Your always welcome here in the supporters corner. You've been a great supporter in and out of cycle to many. Unlike many that go out of cycle and desert the rest (I can be counted amoung those too, definately of that mind set, when out of cycle I don't want to think about CH at all) but your one of the ones that hangs out and offers whatever you can to whoever you can. That is very cool. Margi is one of those too. Has been here since the boards inception almost everyday without fail. So if there are any "real" awards to hand out there are too many folks on this board that are deserving....

At the moment Margi needs some support and she is too much of a tough cookie to ask for it, so lighten up folks and give back some of what you've gotten.

Thanks Ted for the Congrats.... I have it on my mantel with all my other awards........ very empty mantel really! :-[

have a good one.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Margi on Mar 11^th, 2002, 10:05am

S'ok, Monique - Mast is cool. I think the new format here has really thrown us all for a loop. It used to be that ch.com was just one big meeting room, where we could ALL see and hear what each other were saying. Now, it's just a big long hall, with a bunch of doors. All the doors are unlocked, but no one is really sure yet who belongs where, and we're not sure if we should be in this room or that room, or which conversations we're "allowed" to listen to anymore.
As for me needing support, naw - me fine. I'm a pretty tough old cookie, actually. When I feel like I'm hitting the wall, I'll just fill up Monique's mailbox. Good thing she's got large storage capacity!

K, onwards and upwards, gang. This is getting old.

:-*

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Monique on Mar 11^th, 2002, 10:28am

http://www3.sympatico.ca/Compunique/bull_stomp_sm_clr.gif

DON'T MESS WITH ME WOMAN!
LOL, it's over when I say it's over....... :P

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 11^th, 2002, 10:35am

Monique,
You are so funny.
Now I think we need to move this thread into funnies, BWAA HAAA HAAA.

Love it when things get back to Normal :D
Mast

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Monique on Mar 11^th, 2002, 10:52am

http://www3.sympatico.ca/Compunique/bananas_md_wht.gif
Mast tain't no normal round here!
But your sweet... so sweet your sticky.... HEY

SWEATY, ..... LEAKY,....... & ...... STICKY!!!!

EWWWWWWW........................

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Linda T on Mar 14^th, 2002, 9:21pm

As a sufferer - and a supporter - I make a trek to this message board a few times a day. I do read the posts in the supporter's corner, but have only posted here 1x.

With that said, I think that supporter's corner is a very, very, very important corner of this board. I know how I feel when I going thru an attack but I can only imagine what my husband is going through. I know he lays in bed waiting for me to finish the dance to make sure I'm alright.I usually leave the bedroom to hit the shower or go outside of his presence because, believe it or not, I'm still not comfortable doing the dance in front of him. I mean, really, we've only known each other for 21 years LOL.

Supporters need to vent, rant, rave, laugh, cry or whatever "dance" they need to do because I know your life goes on hold when the one you hold dear is going thru the cycle.

If not for the support of my husband (and my 4 year old son) I don't like to think about where I might (or might not) be.

Keep your chins up. We need you. You are our salvation!

Hope your's is a pf world.

Linda T.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Margi on Mar 15^th, 2002, 2:11pm

Thanks, Linda - what a nice post!!

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by HarleyDoggsWife on Jun 4^th, 2002, 3:22pm

Linda you are too kind, I know when the beast comes to my house things are put on hold and even when hubby is feeling his worst he takes the time to say hun, it will be over soon and we can get back to normal! So thank you linda for thinking of us! Its nice to know us supporters are being recognized(even though we will never understand the pain you go thru we will always be there for you!) kate

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by paul_b on Jun 19^th, 2002, 11:35pm

A good supporter does not take ownership of a CH's pain. It's not theirs to have. A good supporter does not placate.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by HarleyDoggsWife on Jun 20^th, 2002, 1:38am

??? I don't think anyone here is trying to take ownership of ones ch's, and its wrong to pacify or calm down the one who is having one? why is this? Its called helping ,caring, loving the person who is going thru such hell!!!!! if this wrong so be it, to you maybe but to my Hubby it helps(so he says)! To Each Their Own!

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by Candy on Jun 20^th, 2002, 1:54am

Okay you guys - we're all here for one reason, "painless" or "pained". We all need help. Paul, you know I realize what you're saying, and it's valid...however! I think we're being consumed by the knowledge that the pain consumes, yet underneath that is an individual, and each supporter knows his or hers. Indeed, "to each his own". I also believe that when a supporter seeks or grants his/herself a pat on the back, it's not so much placating as looking for reassurance that they are doing all they can for the person they love.
Remember, I'm new, so go easy on me if I'm way off track, and go easy on each other too - remember what we're really struggling with here.

Title: Re: Good and Bad supporters
Post by HarleyDoggsWife on Jun 20^th, 2002, 2:00am

:) Candi !!!!!!!!! Thank You Thank You!!!!! you said it so much better then I did!!!! See what happens when emotions get involved with typing!!!!! I come off as the po'ed wife (LOL) but thank you candi ! ;D