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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> my wife
        
(Message started by: samk on Sep 20^th, 2003, 1:33pm)

Title: my wife
Post by samk on Sep 20^th, 2003, 1:33pm

hi im sam tara ann husband she seams to be having a ruff day i dont no what todo to help her any sugestions from any one ty sam

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Margi on Sep 20^th, 2003, 1:38pm

Hi Sam,
If you mean that she's having attack after attack, there's not much you can do for her but bring her ice packs (if ice helps her), cold water, and give her some privacy.

Is that what you mean by her having a rough time?

Title: Re: my wife
Post by samk on Sep 20^th, 2003, 1:55pm

thankyou margi ya that what i meant by a ruff time

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Carla_Comiter on Sep 20^th, 2003, 2:04pm

Dear Sam,

Does she have her meds? Is there any prescription that needs refilled?

Provide her with dark, quiet, privacy--cancel any social plans if necessary. Give her as much time as she needs. Make sure she knows that you are in the marriage for better or worse, in sickness and in health (tell her later when she feels better.)

Pray.

Make sure she knows that you know that behavior like pacing, moaning, head banging, eye gouging, etc., is part of the CH syndrome and you do not consider her to be crazy or a freak if she does these things.

Keep in touch with us.

Kudos for asking.

Carla

Title: Re: my wife
Post by jonny on Sep 20^th, 2003, 2:24pm

Or turn all the lights on and blast heavy metal.....thats what works for me.

Ask your wife WHAT she needs and do it.

..................................jonny

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Cerberus on Sep 20^th, 2003, 2:34pm

What they said.....

PFDANFTA&F,

Ramon

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Tim_w on Sep 20^th, 2003, 2:55pm

Give her her space during the atack. >:(
And hold her tight after :-*
Hope She finds some pain free time soon!
Timw

Title: Re: my wife
Post by hopefull on Sep 20^th, 2003, 3:21pm

True, only she can tell you what she needs......be sure to listen.....and if she yells at you know it's the CH not her!

And ask when it's over next time what you can do ....

sometimes just being in the same room not saying anything just being there helps.....

or keeping the rest of the world out....
she'll let you know if you ask...

Good Luck to you both

Title: My husband
Post by Georgia on Sep 20^th, 2003, 3:42pm

My husband posted this a few months ago for a woman who was watching her husband suffer through attack after attack. I thought it might help you as well.

"I applaud yer efforts. They have been rewarded by bringin you here. You need to read all of the information at this site and the OUCH site. There is a way to manage his pain at these sites. He will have to decide the route(s).

Be patient! I do not say that lightly. Both my wife and I have Clusterheadaches. The "miracles" here take time. Give each new technique/substance time to work. You are looking for long range solutions for what may be a life long syndrome.

Clusters are not spectator sports. There will come a time when you just can't "do" anything...but let it run it's course. After listening to my Georgia wail and thrash in pain in the bathroom and she rounds the corner looking beaten and desperate crying hysterically "make it stop?".............words fail.....but I'm on..........I do neck rubs, ice packs, force her to get on and stay on the O2....hold her up as I force her to run in place.....not much talking....make sure she knows how many meds she has already taken....inside the Cluster, 5 minutes seems like an hour. When she's convinced her veins are popping out or her eye is bleeding or her head has caved or swollen twice it's size....I reassure her that they aren't.

You must stay calm in the knowledge that it will pass and will do no permanent damage. You must transcend the moment....for his sake.

You will find a lot of "alternative" medicines and techniques. Many will come with iron clad guarantees to work. I don't discourage trying any of them like some folks here. That which works for him....works for him....one of the supreme curses of CH is that it doesn't respond the same way to the same things for all sufferers. Again...be patient.

There are doctors that know CH and can help. Few doctors are trained in CH. I just went to a Neurologist for an injury unrelated to CH and when I questioned him about Clusters he confidently claimed to be treating some CHers and mentioned a number of drugs he uses which many people here have reported to be useless against them....even harmful. I pity his patients. "

Stay strong
Walk in the sunshine
den

Title: Re: my wife
Post by cathy on Sep 20^th, 2003, 3:47pm

Sam tell her we luv her and she is being sent vibes from all her family at clusterville....

PF vibes coming ...............

Cathy

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Ree on Sep 20^th, 2003, 7:20pm

Tell her that all of her friends at CH.com are rooting for her. She is such a wonderful friend to so many of her and she really needs to know that we are here for her also. She probably could just use a little patience from all of her family and friends there near you. It isnt easy to go through these headaches and people find it hard to believe that you can actually be in that much pain. No one gets it except supports like you and I Sam. Ones that love their partner so much that you would cry out to strangers on the internet and do anything for some help.... Well we arent strangers here anymore. We are your family too... Give Tara a big hug and kiss from me......... love to you Ree

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Prense on Sep 20^th, 2003, 7:24pm

on 09/20/03 at 14:24:55, jonny wrote:

Ask your wife WHAT she needs and do it.

Absolutely! She holds the answer to that...only her.

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Charlie on Sep 21^st, 2003, 3:41am

Welcome. At least this is one place where everyone truly understands exactly what your wife is feeling. For me, dark, deathly quiet, and cool were my thing. I liked to sit at a kitchen chair for my contortions. I got so I didn't pace anyway but I doubt anyone would enjoy my antics.

Here are two helpful links:

The first is to a description of this disorder that does a wonderful job explaining to families, friends and employers what cluster headaches are and that they have little to do with what is thought of as a “headache.” The second is to a technique learned from a neurologist that works well for me and others.

http://www.ouch-uk.org/ch/note_colleagues.cfm

http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/

Let us know how you make out and stick around. You'll find some good ideas.

Charlie

Title: Re: my wife
Post by stevegeebe on Sep 21^st, 2003, 3:53am

Sam,

You're doing it.

My wife asks me if I need anything and leaves me alone. Could not ask for more.

Steve G

Title: Re: my wife
Post by samk on Sep 21^st, 2003, 11:15am

thank you everyone for your ideas and your caring. i am just so aggrivated with these headaches lately the doctor is no help. i hope everyone has a good day.

sam

Title: Re: my wife
Post by Prense on Sep 21^st, 2003, 11:21am

I have been aggrivated with docs, etc. for the past three years and aggrivated with the HAs for the past 10 years...finally I am making some progress. It will get better! It takes alot of determination from both of you, but there are dividends in the end.

Hang in there!
Chris

Title: Re: my wife
Post by TxBasslady on Sep 21^st, 2003, 11:30am

:)

Morning to you , Sam

Hope Tara is better today.
My husband is alot like you. Wants to do something, but is always at a loss as to what it is. Hang in there, sweetie.

BTW...awful nice of you to come here and post when things got tough. So much support and love here. And your wife is one that is here alot. She has given lots of support....I have read all the threads. You both are lucky to have each other.

Sending lotz of pf vibes to you and Tara ann....... 8)

Jean

Title: Re: my wife
Post by jonny on Sep 21^st, 2003, 11:45am

on 09/21/03 at 11:15:54, samk wrote:

i am just so aggrivated with these headaches lately

Just thank God or whoever that you dont have them, Sam.

Cause aggrivation would be the least of your worries.

..................................jonny

Title: Re: my wife
Post by CathiP on Sep 21^st, 2003, 12:16pm

Awwww, doggonit, Sam! Please let Tara know I miss her, and I look forward to her getting past this! it WILL pass, Sam.....
Seems I remember, she doesn't get to see her Neuro till Jan? Consider getting her in NOW, having her get hit, while waiting for the Neuro to "find a cancellation". If she is in his/her waiting room, getting hit, they just might accomodate you.
At the very least, I know a lot of us are sending vibes, and I KNOW you are taking excellent care of her as well as the kids.....keep yourself healthy, and ride this storm out with her.....again, it WILL pass....
So sorry you guys are going thru such tough times.....
Cathi

Title: Re: my wife
Post by taraann on Sep 21^st, 2003, 2:48pm

Awww I gotta go thank my hubby for posting here....I've been asking him to check out ch.com for awhile now (but he's not really into the net alot, mostly just plays cribbage online or talks to his buddies lol)

And of course thank you all for welcoming him so warmly and giving him advice, and for all the well wishes to me. And great advice you all gave (as always! :D)

I usually come online some in between attacks to get distracted but I was fighting a damn migraine and a nasty headcold too, I was soo naseous (yuck!). Couldn't stand looking at the pc screen (it hurt my head) I'm still having a tough time with the CH but the migraine seems to almost be gone (knock on wood) but I just wanted to check in here and see how everyone was doing.

I luv you you all too :-*

P.S. Hey Ree last I knew you and Dave were having a tough time with headpain.....are things better? I hope so!