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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> Why Me?
        
(Message started by: stuey on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:14am)

Title: Why Me?
Post by stuey on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:14am

I will probably make some people gag with this post but I will post anyway. I asked a few weeks back for prayers and vibes for my 15 year old cousin. Thanks for all who did. Unfortunately she is getting worse, stroking with transient ischemic attacks, wetting the bed, slurring worse, forgetting more, not using her right side, etc. From what I understand there is no getting better for this young lady. She will eventually end up a vegetable and they can maintain her with tubes for years since her organs are healthy. After 3 months of the CH attacks I kept asking why me, why do I have this. I also seize in my sleep and it's not fun. But after thinking about it all this weekend and what this young girl is experiencing I now am saying why not me. She will never get to do any of the things I have done. While I never thought I could endure the CH attacks there are options for me, treatments for me. There are none for her. So my uncle is going to fill out DNR papers for her so she will suffer less if, and when it comes to that. So I am not feeling as sorry for myself as I did before. What she is dealing with along with her parents is beyond my comprehension. I thought that nothing could be worse than the pain of cluster headaches, but her struggle has proven me wrong. When my next cycle comes I believe I will bear it better next time. I seized last night and have a headache now, but still made it in to work, and can function. She cannot. I understand that everyone here is in pain and sometimes some of us feel like giving up, I have myself, but rather than asking why me I now am saying why not me, I can still dance. Later. Stuey

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by Donna on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:29am

Stuey......what happened to her? Is it a disease or did she have an accident?

Your post was a good one, like you.

More prayers on the way.

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by stuey on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:36am

Donna it was a surgery. Her pituitary had to be removed and her brain isn't getting the oxygen it needs. She wanted to be a surgeon when she grew up and is daddy's baby, always did what she was told, did well in school, didn't get caught up in so much kids her age are doing. She's just a good kid. I keep crying about it and my uncle told me not to ask why her, he's done that already, and this is what they have been dealt and it's just hard right now for me to accept that this is really happening to her. Stuey

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by taraann on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:59am

Stuey I am so sorry to hear about your cousin and the hearthache you and your family are enduring. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.... Excellent point to your post but sorry such a sad thing has to make us see how much better our lives are.

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by Donna on Aug 25^th, 2003, 9:00am

Stuey.......you have an IM.

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by suzy617 on Aug 25^th, 2003, 9:32am

Stuey, as you know from my emails, I understand the pain of this. It somehow makes your CH a little more bearable and yes I can still dance too.....

Suzy

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by 9erfan on Aug 25^th, 2003, 9:49am

Stuey,

I'm so sorry to hear this about your cousin. I can't imagine what your family is going through. Unfortunately, we will never get the answer to the "why" question in this lifetime. But we can really make ourselves crazy with trying to figure it out.

I understand exactly where you're coming from. I remember about a year ago right after I had come out of a terrible 3 week cluster attack. I was out with a girlfriend of mine for lunch and in the waiting area of the restaurant was this young teenager in a wheelchair who didn't have use of his hands or feet. This kid had the biggest smile on his face. I turned to my girlfriend and said "and I have the nerve to complain about my headaches". It totally put things in perspective.

Your family is in my prayers.
Virginia

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by stuey on Aug 25^th, 2003, 10:17am

My best friend from high school was dying in the hospital several years ago and was very angry and very nasty to me when I visited him. The next and last time I spoke to him he said that he was angry because he was dying and I had never enjoyed or embraced my own life and his was being taken away from him and he was right about me. It has taken me this long, this particular event to open my eyes to see that my life is a gift.

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by hopefull on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:11pm

God Bless You Stuey

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by OneEyeBlind on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:20pm

Stuey, thinking of you and your family. You have mail.

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by Charlie on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:31pm

Damn sorry to hear Stuey.

CH on top of all this :-/

Feel free to rant away. We'll listen.

Charlie

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by STABBINGPAIN on Aug 25^th, 2003, 8:35pm

I'm at a loss for words . My heart goes out to you stuey. I hope and pray for the best to you and your family. You never realize that life is a gift untill you come apon something like this. Its a major reality check for a lot us us out here . I'll put you in prayer .
Karen

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by stuey on Aug 26^th, 2003, 8:13am

Thank you all for taking the time to read the post. I cannot imagine what it is like to have a child you love and have hopes and aspirations for and for them to become ill suddenly like she did. I think my uncle was prepared if she would have passed but he wasn't prepared if she didn't pass and would be here but not being able to function. I thank you all again for hearing me. Peace. Stuey

Title: Re: Why Me?
Post by Cooked Brain on Aug 26^th, 2003, 12:21pm

sorry to read about your cousin stuey, can't imagine what it must be like.

CH is accepted as the worst pain, the struggle to find treatment may take long as well, but still most of us have a chance and most of us do find relief. It is in no comparison to not being able to function without hope of getting better. Wish you and your brother's family a lot of strength and all the best, if there is left any...

The headache will not kill us, many other things will...

wish you all PF lifes