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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
        
(Message started by: Danielle on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:11pm)

Title: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by Danielle on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:11pm

I found this as I was tidying up my junk-drawer the other day and thought you guys might like to see it.

Above my left brow there lies an evil Demon who has claimed that side of my face as it's personal domain. It's reign of terror began 4 years ago; suddenly, inexplicably. None can tell me why it came nor when, or even if, it will ever return to the hell that spawned it. I only know that within me it thrives, and I am naught but an imprisoned host.

Oh yes, there are times when the Demon sleeps and to the world, I appear to conduct my life with a modicum of normalcy. But both the Demon and I know that this is merely an illusion. We both recognize who governs this body and dictates it's choices. Even in slumber, the Demon has power. I can feel it as a shadow; ever-present; somehow watching, waiting and then without warning, striking!

Razor-sharp talons scraping and piercing from behind my eye until it will no longer abide the light and is left bleeding endless tears. Laughing hideously, it's anger reaches out fiery tendrils, searing offensive paths throughout every cavity within my head. Nothing is spared as the intimate dance of pain begins. I reach for the weapon at hand and strike blindly, praying that the thin metal rod will find it's mark swiftly and send the Demon back to sleep.... And then I can do nothing but surrender and abandon myself to it's merciless embrace.

The agony of it's touch overwhelms me, the world goes black and I am consumed with the struggle to remain calm. It is near impossible and I want to scream and scream and scream, until my mind no longer comprehends the torture it is being forced to witness. I silently beg for mercy or for death, I do not care which. I swear I cannot go on, I cannot bear this even one more time. And still, there is that small voice which is a long-forgotten me, that soothes and promises I will make it through. To just hold on a little while longer, the Demon will sleep soon. But I can feel the panic rising, threatening to engulf and devour me; and so I rock even harder. I am so hot, my skin is burning, I am burning...breathe, breathe, dear God, just keep breathing, but all that can be heard is the whimpering of a small child who is lost in the dark; so utterly alone and terrified beyond imagination....and then, I begin to feel it.....a faint twinge at first but steadily growing in strength and then... yes... at last it comes, the sweet surcease of my torment.

As the Demon slowly relaxes it's grip, tears of gratitude may now pour freely from both of my eyes. Shuddering in my relief and exhausted to the very core of my being, I lie down, allowing time for my breathing to return to normal, and to offer my body rest in compensation for the trauma that has been inflicted upon it. It has been the ordeal that it always is, this encounter with the Demon. I have made it through one more time which amazes me as much now as it did the very first time it happened. There will be more battles to come, perhaps another in as little as a few hours. But at this particular moment, I care only that this one is thankfully over and I have survived....

.......and if I am truly lucky, my Master will take pity on me and sleep awhile yet.

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by ozzman on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:19pm

Yeah what you said.... ;D

Wow :o Pretty powerful stuff, eloquent and touching. Thank for sharing with us like that.

Ozzy

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by Roxy on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:21pm

Awsome.....thanks,

Tracey

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by echo on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:22pm

Yep! That's it. Thanks for sharing.

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by Karla on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:42pm

What wonderful wording. You put it so well.

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by Danielle on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:57pm

Thank you all for your kind words....it is an incredible feeling to have another person read this and understand exactly what I am talking about, I'm genuinely grateful for that. No funny looks, no raised eyebrows, no patronizing "yes, I get headaches too and know how debilitating they can be" statements, ya know?

Title: Re: Thought I would share this, sorry it's so long
Post by Opus on Jul 16^th, 2003, 7:07pm

You discribe the beast pretty well.

Opus/Paul