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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> Anybody miss me?
        
(Message started by: Carl_D on Jul 15^th, 2003, 3:07pm)

Title: Anybody miss me?
Post by Carl_D on Jul 15^th, 2003, 3:07pm

Hello guys and gals...been a long time.
Things have gone crazy for me, but what's new? Well, for me the cluster attacks have been brutal, the CPH is through the roof, Panic Attacks have been abundant, and they can't explain the constant ache in the back of my head 24/7. Drives me absolutely mad sometimes, and have been a slave to Tramadol, Zomig, Vicodin, Amitriptyline, Zyprexa and Flexeril. Back in early January I fell down a flight of stairs and messed myself up real good, and now my middle finger on my guitar fretting hand won't bend all the way back, and that alone threw me into a heavy depression. I am Fresh out of the hospital after my second overdose this year; the first time is kind of a strange story. Late January I went into yet another agonizing Cluster attack and said "I don't wanna do this anymore" and proceeded to swallow almost every pill I had in the house. What is strange is I live alone and both doors were locked, and nobody should have found me for a few days. Somehow somebody called an ambulance, was in a 4 day coma and when I came to, I felt like I had been ran over by a Mack truck and couldn't swallow. But yeah, that was my latest suicide fiasco.
Still dealing with the CH's and the CPH's, but I have been fortunate to work with three different bands; "Act of God" is our studio band, "Izzy Bigg" is a rapper, and "Bonemotor" is a covers band gigging steady. I suffered a major setback on my book last year, but have been rebuilding my notes and should be done with the book itself by the end of the year at the latest. Went through a period of writers block, and due to the ex roomie from HELL, I lost 4 1/2 chapters from "Snapped" and all of my notes, not to mention my notes and 2 chapters of "The Vigilante Code".
That threw me into a serious hard depression. Been through alot of setbacks the last couple of years, and as a result I am not online at my apartment right now. Hell, I lived without power for a couple of months. Now I know what it's like to live in the "Dark Ages". Anyway, will spare you the rest and just say the CH's are intense, but most of you chronics out there know what I am talking about. I've just had to cope, bite my lip and deal with it. I am going to a pain management clinic Friday under recommendation of my Doctor. I am also getting glasses Thursday and wonder if maybe that will ease my head, and the constant ache may be the result of strained eyes. But who knows? Certainly not I. I have been off of the Vicodin for a month now, and the damn Tramadol...lets just say the side effects are so nasty, you have to be in pain to take. Even with that I weigh which is worse: the pain or the Tramadol...oh, and the itching, sweating, dizziness, kidney infection and urinary tract infection. Now I have neuropathy in the lower region of my right hand. In short, sucks to be me. :P
I've missed the CHMB, and have been on Elaines chatroom site occasionally, but not very often. Will try to catch up on here and hopefully talk with some old fellow CH buds who also brave the violent headstorm. Oh, went to the Doc today and he gave me "Relpax", and new type of triptan for aborting CH attacks. The Zomig doesn't work for me like it used to, so I basically just ride out the attacks. The big blessing is they aren't as frequent as they used to be. I remember the weeks of having 7-10 attacks a day. That was too hardcore. Now I just feel like I have been blasted in the head with a baseball bat. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee. I wonder what will befall me next, but not anxious to find out. C'ya guys.

Peace,
Carl D

P.S. - my new email address is
freek1970@hotmail.com

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by stuey on Jul 15^th, 2003, 3:29pm

Carl I don't know you but I think I just cried tears when I read what you just wrote, so I will send you thoughts of joy, peace and love in your life. I thought about the suicide attempt and am so thankful someone found you in time for you have more to do while here. I can think of better ways of getting away from it all and I hope for you that means a palm filled beach or going to see the Rockies, or something you have wanted to do but put off. So I take the Relpax and it works as long as I take it soon enough. I don't know what else to say right now except I pray that things get better for you and you find your way. Stuey

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by cootie on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:21pm

Dude I think possibly (I'm no expert by a long shot) suma them meds were givein ya somea them side effects...that Amitriptyline has some nasty side effects dependin on the person.....made me so dizzy I couldn't stand up.....vicoden will make ya overheat and get sweaty and have shadow headaches......kind of a vicious cycle in a way. I think ya need ta start over with the meds and find what works one at a time. Be glad ya came outa that coma half way normal.....could you imagine layin there in a veggie state unable to communicate or not be able to care for yourself......a fate worse then death. So be cool and hang in there.....hopein that pain management works for ya or can get ya headed in the right direction. Wishin you PF days ahead and a happy life.....music is cool.....stick with it and yer book !! Pam that wants people to chill out on overdosein

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by cathy on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:26pm

Hi Carl, not sure if we've met or not, but hope your gonna stick around this time...Cootie has a point, maybe your getting side effects from all the meds your on... ???.....hope things get better for you!

Sending you stick around vibes and PF vibes as well.

Cathy :)

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by TomM on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:45pm

Carl_D...a blast from beyond.

Welcome home.

Be well. Stay strong.

TomM

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 15^th, 2003, 5:44pm

Carl, of course I remember you and I HAVE missed you.

But right now, I'm speech-less. That's happened twice this month and I don't like it.

First, I'm so sorry about the set-back to your book. Every once and awile I kept thinking you'd find some way to give us all an update on it. I know how hard you've worked on it.

Second, I'm so glad for whoever it was that found you. Now don't do that again.

Third. I'm glad to hear you're off all those narcotics. Please stay that way. You have been missed my friend. Now keep us all informed. O.K.? Linda Howell

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by jonny on Jul 15^th, 2003, 6:12pm

Anyone know who the hell this low life is?

Man!!!, they will let anyone in this joint!!

Hahahahahahahahah, Carl you old friggin dog you ;D

Dont tell me that hand is so gone that I cant call you and hear you slam on that axe?....that would be a damn sin!

I been saving you a seat in the boat and even made you a mirror finish brass oar, you need to row extra hard for being gone so long.

Its good to see you back my brother, dont be such a fuckin stranger or ill look you up and drag you back kicking and screaming......LOL ;D

.....................................jonny

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Donna on Jul 15^th, 2003, 6:25pm

:D Carl D, you old son of a gun......of course we remember you!

You won't believe this, but when I got off work this am, I decided to post a missing persons on you this evening when I got up from sleeping. It's kind of wierd seeing a post from you this very day.

Sorry.......really sorry that you're still in such hell......glad that you're still involved with your music.

Also have been wondering about the first book. You will have done something good for a lot of people when it finally comes out.

Be good to yourself, will you?

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by cootie on Jul 15^th, 2003, 6:44pm

Hey what's the booksor book about....sounds purdy interesting.......and sounds like a goal to set to finish this other one. Pam that gets headaches when I read small print ;D

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Karla on Jul 15^th, 2003, 7:19pm

I sent you a pm please check it out. Missed ya, Karla

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Melissa on Jul 15^th, 2003, 7:34pm

Was wondering how you had been coping, glad to see you post Carl :)

Hugs~
mel

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Margi on Jul 15^th, 2003, 7:53pm

Carl Daniels!

Welcome home, kiddo. I'm so sorry to hear of your bumpy ride. But I'm so glad you've kept hanging on and that you're still with us to tell about it.

You've sure been missed around here, I wished you a happy birthday this year on 4/20, same as Ree, I hope you felt the good wishes going your way?

Please do try to keep connected with us ok? Remember the old ch.com saying? When you feel like you're running out of rope: TELL US!!! We've got an endless supply here!!

Hugs

p.s. we need your kickass 'tude around here, boy - stick around this time!!

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by ShariRae on Jul 15^th, 2003, 8:17pm

Carl...Good to see you back..so sorry you have had a rough ride...sending good thoughts your way...
Shari

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by don on Jul 15^th, 2003, 9:52pm

Miss you? Didn't you post just yesterday ?

Izzy bigg ? I've heard that before but its ussually more like "OMG izzy bigg" ;D

Good to see ya again Carl !

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Jul 16^th, 2003, 12:16am

WOW Carl,
I was just thinkin bout you the other day.
I've been following your story for 3 years plus now.
Hope you get a break soon bro,
take care, check in once in a while.
Mast

Title: I do...
Post by Georgia on Jul 16^th, 2003, 9:27am

The epitome of bittersweet.....pure sweetness to hear from you - pure bitterness to hear your pain.

Of course you are remembered - and missed - very much. You've been away from home for much too long. Your room is just as you left it. Take your boots off baby and stay a while.

I think of you often...and I think of the promise you made me...and I pray that you remember, and that you keep your promise, to me and to your niece.

Your post: after reading it, part of me wants to dry your tears, hold you, and tell you everything will be ok, that we are here for you. The other part of me wants to slap the m*th*rf**k**g shit out of you!! Two fucking suicide attempts?! God damn it, that pisses me off!! Don't you realize how much you offer to this world? Don't you realize how much you are LOVED and NEEDED. You are stronger than any headache. You are more than one finger - you are better than one fucking roommate from hell. I know you have a lot to deal with, and maybe you think you can take your own life - but can you do that to me? can you do that to your family there and here? can you punish the world by stopping your music and your writing? CAN YOU?! You are here for a reason and obviously you still need to be here - if your miracle ambulance didn't prove that to you, then what will?!

OK, I'm done with my rant now. Let's go back to drying your tears and letting you know that you are NEVER alone in this pain.

Carl - I don't want you to hurt and if there was anything I could do...you know I would. I just need you to ask.

Please be well and be strong and check your email.

Peace, love, and tears,
Georgia

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by forgetfulnot on Jul 16^th, 2003, 9:40am

Hey Carl, just when I was all settlled in and getting all depressed you have to come along and blow it for me ;D

I guess I don't have it so bad after all. ;)

Lee

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Ree on Jul 17^th, 2003, 8:49am

HEY CARL I THOUGHT OF YOU ON OUR BIRTHDAY... HOPE IT WAS GOOD FOR YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAVE BEEN USING YOUR CREATIVE JUICES AND WRITING LIKE A MANIAC............. REE

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by nancyc on Jul 17^th, 2003, 9:27am

Yes, bro, you have been missed...unfortunely when alot of clusterheads go missing in action, we dont know where they went...we need a rescue team around here...so sorry to hear all you have gone thru, my heart truly goes out to you...so glad you did not succeed in leaving us, bro...you are a very important part of this place...i have been waiting for a long time to finish reading your book too...you have so much talent...God bless and know you are loved here, bro...like Jonny says, grab a oar and start rowing again...smiles,nancyc

Title: Russian Roulette
Post by rumplestiltskin on Jul 17^th, 2003, 10:29am

Yes...and I'm pleased to hear that you "missed" too ...,unless of course that all was just another one of yer whiney ass fabricated pleas fer sympathy....

The "old board" Dennis O'C (Den) here. Somebody was bitchin about people not using their real names to sign in....so I changed mine to Rumplestiltskin just to piss em off.

Hey Carl... Georgia, the crazy bitch who posted earlier that "wants to slap the m*th*rf**k**g shit out of you!!", moved to Texas and I married her. It's all in the interest of science. We are doing studies on the CH abortive qualities of sexual perversions. It's cumin along quite nicely. You really need to hook up with some nice Clusterbabe here and share yer misery.

Everything is the same around here...just more of it. Jonny finally got that sex change. We couldn't be happier for him. He's all "man" now. The testoterone injections are makin him a bit testes...butt ....it sure beats those cry baby posts he was so famous for. I'm sure he'll be showin off his new equipment to all the lonely heart desperate Clusterchicks in his fan club at the cornvention this weakend.

Later
den

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by don on Jul 17^th, 2003, 11:14am

Quote:

share yer misery.

1/2 the first step and 1/2 the twelfth step............

"My life has become unmanagable, and I want to share it with YOU"!

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by TerryS on Jul 18^th, 2003, 6:58am

Hey there buddy I sure do.........Glad your still with us. You still playing the guitar? I'm finally off the Stadol and for good this time.

Love ya bro good hearing from you and God bless,

TerryS

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by NotH20 on Jul 18^th, 2003, 9:49am

Welcome back Carl - just always remember that you are not alone. Please keep us posted on your progresses..

Mia

Title: Re: Anybody miss me?
Post by Tessa on Jul 19^th, 2003, 9:16am

Carl, the pain in your neck, I had that last year during an episode of clusters! My muscles at the base of my brain and neck were so swollen from the tension of the cluster's, it was pushing my spinal cord out! I did a few rounds with a physical therapist and it helped, that and ICE!
About the amytriptaline! I agree with the other post that this is dangerous shit, and could have played a role in your attempted suicide! I've was on high doses of it for about 3 years, along with dliantin and verpapmil and whatever other cocktail the neurologist of the year decided might help. I was a walking zombie. By the way, she told me I had atypical facial pain, couldn't even diagnose the cluster's. We've all been there, feel like giving up, but please don't do that again! I have since found a good pain management doc who listens. Good luck with yours!