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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> Tedlines
        
(Message started by: Ted on Jul 15^th, 2003, 2:27pm)

Title: Tedlines
Post by Ted on Jul 15^th, 2003, 2:27pm

OK. Really it's NL's Headlines again (and for those who don't remember, Susan Smith is the woman who several years ago went on national TV to plead for the kidnappers of her kids to return them. And it was later found out she really put them in her car and rolled it into the lake, drowning them:

Scientists discover oldest planet in the universe; "Either that, or somebody pointed our telescope at Florida," says astronomer

British scientists planning to build half-mile long microscope; "With the help of science, and the grace of God, we will see an Englishman's penis," says researcher

The aircraft carrier USS Reagan enters into service; promptly wanders off to sea

Susan Smith places personal ad online seeking pen pals; Requirements include "you should be over 6', height and weight proportional, and must be good with kid-killers"

Ex-Air Force Academy commanders testify that they didn't ignore sexual assault cases; "I always paid very close attention to the victim's stories, often going so far as to masturbate later that evening while reviewing their testimony," states General

US starts new offensive against Iraqi insurgents; "Operation Same Old Shit, 4th New Name" expected to achieve complete peace in region

US Department of Agriculture employees used their Federal Credit Cards for lingerie, brothels and strippers; "it all comes under the heading of 'meat inspection,'" explains supervisor

Bush vows to "be active" in Liberia; "I'll probably at least run for a couple miles when I get there," states the First Jogger

Stonehenge may be a massive ancient depiction of female genitalia; "Oh yeah, then where are the teeth?" wonders hard-line Freudian

Marvel Comics drops plans for Princess Di comic book; Begins work on Iranian wonder-twins graphic novel

Tom Cruise reveals he struggled with Dyslexia; "even today, when I read the word 'God,' my mind interprets it as 'a freakish, mafia-esque cult founded by a science fiction writer that believes we are all aliens trapped inside a web of human illusions"

Reporter finds dead celebrities making more money now than when alive; film fan states, “Can someone please make Madonna ‘richer’, before she makes another movie?”

Hailed for success against caviar smuggling, Russian cat killed by suspected hit-man, owner mourns, “They were serious enough to put nine contracts on him.”

Solar-powered automobile race begins in Chicago; Dick Dastardly and Muttley fall into last place after plan to blot out sun with giant mechanical umbrella backfires

2002 safest year ever for airlines; "It was a pretty good year for tall buildings too," adds government analyst

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by cathy on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:07pm

on 07/15/03 at 14:27:13, Ted wrote:

OK. Really it's NL's Headlines
British scientists planning to build half-mile long microscope; "With the help of science, and the grace of God, we will see an Englishman's penis," says researcher

LMAO.... it's a lie... ;D

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by CathiP on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:11pm

cATHY- DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WES WAS ORIGINALLY FROM AFRICA?????? ;D
mISS DUB G... ;)

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by cathy on Jul 15^th, 2003, 4:16pm

Yes I do believe I did.... ;D

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 15^th, 2003, 5:18pm

Britons learn to cook something besides boiled meat.

NOW, THERE'S A HEADLINE !!!!!

LindaH

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by jonny on Jul 15^th, 2003, 5:25pm

on 07/15/03 at 17:18:57, Linda_Howell wrote:

Britons learn to cook something besides boiled meat.
NOW, THERE'S A HEADLINE !!!!!

Way to funny, Linda....ROTFFLMMFAO ;D

..............................jonny

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by CathiP on Jul 15^th, 2003, 11:34pm

Correction Linda.....
In Fluff's case-and in her defense.....I understand she NEVER boils her meat......in fact, she doesn't even cook....in fact, she doesn't know where the kitchen is.....oh, ummm, except that's where she keeps the whipped cream......... :o :o
Just trying to help, Fluff! Trying to help! ;)
You're welcome.... ;)
Cathi ;D

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by cathy on Jul 16^th, 2003, 1:47am

Linda....here's a better headline

Americans try there hand at humour....and fail :-/
Jonny never mind boiled meat, your dead meat now! ;D

Cathy

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by jonny on Jul 16^th, 2003, 2:00am

Its "Their" not "there".....Bitch....LOL ;D

............................jonny

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by Charlie on Jul 16^th, 2003, 5:12am

Moving right along in this vein..........

Your & you're are different animals.

The rest of you won't find "definately" or "noone, " either. This drives me nuts (admittedly a short trip) but I have no life

PITA Charlie

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by Ree on Jul 17^th, 2003, 8:52am

TED LINES..........I LOVE IT.... HEHEHEHE REE

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by aprilbee on Jul 17^th, 2003, 9:02am

FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY :D

Title: Re: Tedlines
Post by cathy on Jul 17^th, 2003, 9:50am

Ted how do they know it's the oldest planet if they've only just discovered it, maybe there's an older one waiting to be discovered...

oh and btw...bastad, I knew it was their, just wanted to see if you did....lol :-*

Cathy

Title: deadlines
Post by rumplestiltskin on Jul 17^th, 2003, 9:57am

reads like Vonnegut.......thanks Ted