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        New Message Board Archives >> Jul-Sep 2003 >> I need help
        
(Message started by: juvy on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 2:47am)

Title: I need help
Post by juvy on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 2:47am

Hello everyone,

I know i havn't posted in awhile and i do apologize. The new job keeps me busy.

I need a little advice because i know most of you have been at a point at one time or another when life just doesn't seem worth living.

A very special person in my life has tried to kill himself. This is the second time in 6 months. He's having problems in his relationship and she has decided she can't handle it any more. He feels life isn't worth living without her. He refuses to come home to his family and seek help for his depression. He thinks if he gets a better job and becomes more succesful that she'll come back. I'm really worried about him and wonder if any of you have any ideas on how I can make him see that killing himself isn't the solution to his problems. And that if he really loves her, he wouldn't hurt her by ending his own life.

any suggestions or advise would be greatly appreciated. I've lost so many people this year and i don't know if i can stand losing someone so special again.

thanks for reading.
Juvy

Title: Re: I need help
Post by klp on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 4:28am

if this person has told you they may try again then yes thier is something you can do. when person is a harm to themselves or others do to a psychiatric condition you can have them whats called 302'd. basically against their will you can have them committed to a psych ward for 72 hours till their evaluated by a professional and a judge heres the case. Its not easy all the time but its worth saving a life.krista

Title: Re: I need help
Post by Ride_the_Lightning on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 7:13am

If i may ad dmy opinion, while 302'ing somoene might save their life, having somoene who is not a criminal comitted anywhere for any amount of time is simpoly not done...the help needs to come from his ex....she needs to give him the attention he needsa and gradualy break off the relationship...another solution would be making him reaslise that she is not the right person for him and put him on a "i'll get over her"trip...take him out let him meet new people...that is just my opinion, in no wayt am i saying that is the best solution for this particular person, its just how i would deal with it....it really all depends on the back round of the situation really

Title: Re: I need help
Post by SommelierCH on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 8:23am

Juvy,

There are no right answers on this subject. You asked for help, so I am going to throw out some thoughts. I know nothing about your friend, except what was in your post, so I am only going with my feelings. The suicide of my old buddy last week, and the suicide watch call-ins/on-calls (not for a long time, yea!) for another good friend (non CH), make me too close to this subject, but if we don’t share, we will never learn.

Again, I want to say that I am just talking out my a$$, just my opinions. I have no training.

If someone has attempted suicide twice, and is still alive, I think that they are calling out for help, as opposed to ending their life. That’s the good news. Now, how do you help him?

Quote:

any ideas on how I can make him see that killing himself isn't the solution to his problems. And that if he really loves her, he wouldn't hurt her by ending his own life.

Well, if he is suicidal because of unrequited love, stop referring to that love as his reason for staying alive. At this point, it sounds like all he’s trying to do, is to hurt her, by hurting himself. He’s lost perspective. If you want to help him, take him out of that perspective. Get his mind off of her. Buy him a hooker, give him hang gliding lessons, go skydiving with the guy. Most of all, I think that you should stop using the woman’s name when you talk about her, with your friend. Help him get some distance and compartmentalization, by making her an abstraction.

If you used the letter “x”, instead of this woman’s name when talking to your friend, you might help him to step out of his role as “boyfriend”, and see “x”, more objectively. Such as, you saying: “I just feel uncomfortable, saying her name, so from now on, she is “x” to me”. Many pains can be taken out on an “x”, allowing some catharsis, but moving into a “faceless catharsis”. Then the healing can begin.

I just calls ‘em, as I feels ‘em. And I felt this one. This is my offering, Juvy. I only want to heal.

David J.

Title: Re: I need help
Post by juvy on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 9:00am

Thanks for the advice, you've all given me a lot to think about. I don't know about 302ing him. to me it would feel like i'm locking him up but i'll think about it.

Title: Re: I need help
Post by katethecelt on Jul 2^nd, 2003, 11:43pm

Juvy,

David J. advice is sound. I would ammend that many ppl try to commit suicide more than once & are not necessarily just seeking attention.

Your friend definitely needs professional help. Many companies have toll-free numbers (through employers) to talk to mental health professionals. The number would be on his insurance card or in his insurance benefits book. These calls, and those to suicide hot lines, can be done anonymously.

I hope you find the answers you need and your friend gets the help he deserves.

Kate

Title: Re: I need help
Post by judyw on Jul 3^rd, 2003, 12:27am

Sorry to see your post...suggestions have been good...I take it 302 is like Baker Act procedure...sometimes that is a better alternative than what they are offering themselves...an angry friend alive is better than the alternative...Does he have a religious affiliation you can contact, a doctor...there are many avenues available...the best would be to check into this by calling a local support number and getting guidance from there...I wish you luck and know that we are here to help in any way possible...143

Title: Re: I need help
Post by cathy on Jul 3^rd, 2003, 12:40am

I think David put it well...hope everything turns out okay for your friend. :-/

Cathy

Title: Re: I need help
Post by FrankF on Jul 3^rd, 2003, 12:45am

I'll tell you my story...

Six years ago my wife was in a terrible car crash. Coma for several weeks, permanent brain damage, over a year of rehab learning simple things we all take for granted (like how to eat, talk, brush her teeth, and get dressed). We sort of got passed that... so she came home.

We have four kids. She can't drive, or take the three oldest to or from school, or help them with their homework, doesn't remember what day it is half the time, doesn't remember what she said or did an hour ago... I don't know why I am telling you all of this so I'll stop... (it's kind of like cluster headaches... if you haven't lived it, you'd never understand).

I was never suicidal... never even thought about it. But I got so stressed out about three years ago, I asked my regular GP to put me on Zoloft 100mg/day to me help deal with major stress. No shrinks, no company paid "behavioral health benefits", no extra medical records to haunt me later.

I stayed on Zoloft for about two years... I quit about a year ago. It helped a lot while I adjusted to the idea that things are the way they are, I can't change it, and might as well get on with life.

Maybe your friend might try the same thing... see the GP and ask for some Paxil or Zoloft (or whatever)....

Title: Re: I need help
Post by Charlie on Jul 3^rd, 2003, 6:07am

Don't not leave him alone. If this is bi-polar, he needs to be monitored every day.

Bipolars lie all the time and hate taking drugs. You cannot trust them. We let down our guard and found drawers full of medicine she never took.

Sorry for being so blunt but I miss my cousin who is no longer with us.

Charlie

Title: Re: I need help
Post by kellya408 on Jul 3^rd, 2003, 9:56am

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Like others have said, I'm only offering my opinion and speaking out of my a$$, but here goes...
My aunt was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago, and my grandmother had her 302'd. Although my aunt just wanted to go home and hide, she ended up being evaluated and diagnosed with depression. They put her on meds, kept her for a few days to do group and individual counseling and eased her back into the real world, with doc appointments on a regular basis. Since then, they've discovered a few things that may have contributed to the depression that she may not have ever remembered had it not been for the therapy.
From very personal experience, I can relate to the feelings (as can everyone) of having someone you love not love you and not want to be with you. But I am positive when I say that from your post, there is most likely a bigger issue with your friend than losing a girlfriend. When my boyfriend (and best friend) broke up with me four years ago - In the few months following, I lost weight, hid in my room, and was just pretty anti-social. Then when I said I was over it, I told people I was looking for what I had with him. I had to realize that he didn't want to be with me, for whatever reasons (bad timing, whatever) and that didn't mean anything was wrong with me. I had to get almost cocky and repeat over and over that it was his loss too. I still miss him. I still hope to find a relationship similar in nature (the comfort level, laid back personalities - and a WONDERFUL understanding and support of CH).
Your friend needs (professional) help to find out why he feels his live is empty or he's worth less as a person because someone - one person- doesn't want to be in a relationship with him. He needs to find happiness in himself, and realize what a great person he is - how much he is loved and cared for by his friends and family - how his existence makes their world a better place.
Like I said when I started, I'm just talking out of my a$$ and offering my opinion for whatever its worth. Good luck .