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Title: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Donna_D. on Mar 7th, 2004, 6:24pm I debated over posting this until I realized that if it were not for the family I have here I would not have been strong enough to make the decisions I have made in regards to my life. With that said, hang on to your hats because this one may throw you for a loop….but don’t worry, I think it is going to have a happy ending. ;) Some of you know, and most of you don’t know, that I have been having problems here at home. Marital problems to be exact. I left my husband 2 weeks before Christmas and due to unforeseen problems I had to return home for lack of a safe place for my kids and I to stay. In hindsight, that was a huge mistake, but I never claimed to be perfect. I WON’T make that mistake again! Well, as of yesterday at 2pm I have made the final decision to leave. Things have not been easy. There has been years of verbal abuse and just recently physical abuse. THE KIDS AND I ARE OK. Everything came to a head yesterday afternoon. I won’t bore you with the details I will just say that I have a few bumps and bruises and I am sore as heck all over, but all minor injuries. I had Dennis (my soon to be ex) taken to jail yesterday. Unfortunately, the responding officers would not take him for family violence because I chose to leave the scene (for safety's sake) and, although I was there before they left, they heard his side of the story and chose to act in a way which I am sure their superiors will be anxious to know about. In their opinion, HE looked the worse of the two of us (I am delighted to say I did get in a good punch or two…and he DESERVED it!). (Don’t worry, I have all legal matters under control and will be addressing any outstanding issues/complaints on Monday with the Sheriff’s Department and will be getting the appropriate restraining order in place once I relocate.) I did manage to get them to take him for warrants on outstanding traffic tickets so I have a window of 7-10 days in which to move. In the last 24 hours I have covered most of my bases and am happy to say that I feel EMPOWERED. I will be moving to be near my family in Dallas, probably in the Carrollton area where my boss lives. I will be getting an apartment for the kids and I and will be starting over from scratch. My boss is advancing me enough money to get the apartment and all the utilities turned on. I am leaving with our clothes, the computer, the kids toys and a few personal belongings. I do not want any reminders of my past life with him and I am sure most people can understand why. I will be keeping my job working from home and with any luck I will be back on my feet before the year is out. I have not told my family yet as I do not want to worry them. My father is in extremely poor health and my mother and siblings are all going through severe financial difficulties. I am going to move and THEN tell them what has happened. I do not want them to worry about me or feel bad in any way for not being able to help me in this move. I choose to tell this family (CH.com) because I am going to need all the emotional support and prayers you have to offer. I have found a new inner strength and my family here is primarily responsible for bringing about this change in me. I thank each and every one of you. You may not know it, but you all have special places in my heart. There have been a few people here who have made huge differences in my life. They have spent countless hours just listening, and not judging, making me smile when I didn’t want to, and offering sound advice and a shoulder to cry on when needed. To those folks I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Without you , things might have turned out a lot differently. I think I will save what I really want to write about you for Elaine’s Angel Stories. :) I look forward to keeping my involvement with OUCH as a “constant” thru all of this…in fact I think I need it to keep my focus. The next issue may be delayed by a week or so…but never fear…I will get it done! I know a few of you will wonder why I chose to post something so private in such a public forum. The simple answers are…I am sure that I am not the only person out there experiencing the same difficulties. If my public description of this ordeal, and the wonderful results following, encourages them to make a positive step in their lives then I can try to be an example and a source of strength for them as well. There should be no shame in being a victim and hiding it only makes it feel more like a "dirty little secret". And who better to help you deal with life’s adversities than a bunch of folks with really bad headaches! Lord knows this is a tough bunch who has been thru hell and back and lived to tell the tale. I love you all!! This is the first step down a long road…but I am hoping along the way I will find peace, happiness, joy, and love. All I ask is for your prayers and understanding. Donna D P.S. This is the most difficult post I have ever made. But it is also the one that has made me feel the strongest. Thanks for listening! |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by pubgirl on Mar 7th, 2004, 6:30pm Donna A brave and fantastic post. You are so right. If more people spoke out about domestic violence here, there would be more resources for the victims such as refuges. I have no idea the hell it must have been to go back. You have my prayers and best wishes. Just wish I were closer and could offer you and your kids something more concrete. Wendy |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by broomhilda on Mar 7th, 2004, 6:46pm Donna, what a brave an amazing act of empowerment you have done in taking the first step for yourself and your family and as well for sharing truly a painful oderdeal with all of us! You have now opened many doors for yourself and your children for the future and by sharing this story it shows you have incredible self esteem and will empower others in the same position to learn that there is a way out, although hard, there is light and life to be had outside the vicious cycle of violence. I wish for you peace, joy and happiness for you and your children, you will be in my prayers :)Take every step with pride and know you are not alone!!!! Donna if there is anything you need in terms of toys for your children, my son has many he has outgrown, pm me and I can arrange to send you anything even an ear to listen! Wishing you tons of luck and support along your way over the coming months!!!! Good job, keep up the fight!!!!! Andrea |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Kevin_M on Mar 7th, 2004, 6:49pm Donna, Your post was very hearfelt in it's poignancy. Your leaving was right and brave. I am sorry for the hardships it has caused you to make the right decision. I am so happy your boss has extended help for you. You will get through this. Your sharing was because we ARE your family and it presented awareness to us all. Thank you for thinking of possibly others in your same situation. Take care of yourself. Hope to hear from you again soon. Kevin. |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Melissa on Mar 7th, 2004, 7:01pm Donna, I won't go into details of my past, but let's just say, from a daughters standpoint, I know what you're going through. I also want to tell you, that I am so glad you're getting out of that situation and onto a much deserved better life!!! I'm here for you if you need me, just IM, email, or give me a call. (I'll PM you my phone number) Don't ever be too proud to take help from us, ok?? Clusterheads are THERE for each other, no matter if it's because of our HA's, or hell's that life can deal to us. Stay strong and stay determined!! I'm sending you some vibes of strength and peace Donna~~~~~ :)mel |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Jackie on Mar 7th, 2004, 7:13pm Donna, Bless your heart. You are a brave gal....I'm very proud of you. You've made a good decision for yourself and those beautiful children. I have a feeling that you're gonna do just fine. Hugs, Jacks 8) PS....please check your PMs |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Woobie on Mar 7th, 2004, 7:40pm YOU GO GIRL!!! Im sending you vibes and hugz!!! Tina :-* |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by 9erfan on Mar 7th, 2004, 7:54pm Donna, I can't imagine what you've gone through but my prayers go out to you & your children. I'm sure everything will work out for you and you will be even stronger than you already are when everything is settled. Take care of yourself. :) Virginia |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Cathi04 on Mar 7th, 2004, 9:09pm You KNOW how proud I am of you, right now. NO one ever deserves that kind of treatment. EVER You know how to find me-however I can help. Oh, so, proud......Cathi |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Rick_K on Mar 7th, 2004, 9:33pm Donna, you have a very big family here and we all send you our love and prayers. Debby and I are in North Dallas just a few minuites away from Carrollton, if you need anything just let us know. Please Donna don't be afraid to ask, we are here to help. Rick |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Mastifflvr28 on Mar 7th, 2004, 9:56pm Donna, I'm sorry you had to go through the CRAP to get to the good. Take care sweety, Mast |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by bobkip on Mar 7th, 2004, 9:56pm Way to go Donna. It's a hard thing to do but it's the right thing. Don't ever go back, EVER. Best wishes. Kip |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by cootie on Mar 7th, 2004, 9:58pm You made the rite decision for the "rest" of your life ! Always nice to know things about family....helps read between the lines ! Did you give him a lefty or a right hook Pam ? |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Renee on Mar 7th, 2004, 10:37pm DonnaD, STAY STRONG!! Don't wear down and go back. You and your children deserve SO much more! You've got my #'s, etc. and I, like Rick, are not very far from Carrollton. prayers and vibes to ya and keep in touch. let us know once you've got out of that place and got a restraining order. you did say you were getting a restraining order, correct? renee |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by catlind on Mar 7th, 2004, 11:32pm Make sure you take care of yourself Donna. Those beautiful little children of yours need thier Mommy. Be strong and know that you can make it through this :) Cat |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by TxBasslady on Mar 7th, 2004, 11:36pm Donna, If you need anything.........let us know. PF vibes, Jean |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by renny on Mar 8th, 2004, 1:03am Donna....You know where I am, re what we talked about last night...tried to call ALL DAY today, line constantly busy...guess its computer line....As of now have same days off....you know how to reach me girlfriend Karen |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Peppermint on Mar 8th, 2004, 1:24am Renny, she's again safe for the moment. thank goodness. Donna., you check in again tomorrow. SLEEP tonight. |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Callico_Kid on Mar 8th, 2004, 2:00am Donna, Usually I am working to help hold families together, but there comes a time one must leave. I am so proud of you that you did not temporize when you found it was time. A quote from the book "Letters to Phillip" that I use for premarital counselling (and have forgotten the author's name at the moment) says, " If all men that hit women were laid end to end it would be a good thing." Praying for you. Jerry |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by BarbaraD on Mar 8th, 2004, 4:32am Donna, Let me know where you are and you've got my number if you need anything. I know it was a tuff decision, but probably the right one - finally. Give the kids a hug for me and let me hear from you. You know how I worry.... Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by helpless23 on Mar 8th, 2004, 5:08am Donna, I can relate to what you're going through, because I've been there myself years ago with my 2 kids. It's hard to go, but you did the right thing for you AND the kids. It will be hard - but you've done the hardest thing - LEAVING ! I commend and applaud you. Most women don't realize until it's too late, and although I don't know you, you're right. It's like a family here (even for me) and I'm glad you could feel comfortable enough to post here. If you ever need to talk - please don't hesitate to drop me a line anytime. Huge hugs to you and Much Love, Toni |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Tim_w on Mar 8th, 2004, 6:31am Donna Wishing the best, hang tuff remember your a clusterhead you can do any thing! and you have one big loving family with you always! :-* I know what your going through is not eazy but you will find (THERE IS LIFE OUT THERE) Just found that out myself! If you need any thing just ask , or if you just need to talk!There is a lot of good listeners in this family beleive me I know I have used the hell out of them in the last 9 months ,cant thank them enough, gotta love em ;) Praying for ya Love Ya Tim W Happy Pappy |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by thomas on Mar 8th, 2004, 8:35am Donna, if there is anything I can do, you just let me know. I glad you have gotten yourself out of there. You will make it, I know. I have a shoulder here, if you need to lean on it. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Hirvimaki on Mar 8th, 2004, 8:41am Donna, You know I'm always here for ya. You just have to reach out. You are in my prayers (and Eveliina's prayers). Hugs to you, girl, Hirvimaki |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by echo on Mar 8th, 2004, 9:43am Sorry to read of the hell you and the kids have been going through. I'm gald you've taken the steps to remove yourself from the situation. I would imagine you are on quite and emotional rollercoaster right now. Reach out for help when you feel you might need it. You deserve a safe, happy, loving life. Hang in there. |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Annette_Emond on Mar 8th, 2004, 10:04am Donna, we haven't met, but I do know where you have come from. Now tear off that rear view mirror and drive straight ahead on your new road. As the days go by the smiles on your kids faces will tell you that you have absolutely done the right thing. Annette Emond |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Samantha_Smith on Mar 8th, 2004, 3:32pm I'll just echo what Tim_W said...."You're a clusterhead you can do anything!!!!" You go girrrrl! |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Lizzie2 on Mar 8th, 2004, 3:43pm Donna, You know that I love you and I will absolutely support you in any way that I can!!! You've been a great source of strength for me, and I can't thank you enough. I worry about you lots, and I am sooooooooooo glad that you got out of there...and left him in some bad shape, too!! He deserves it!! Just remember what I told you the other day, and I'm going to email you soon with the rest of the words to that song and also another one. You can do it!!!!! Lizzie :) |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Tiannia on Mar 8th, 2004, 4:00pm Donna, You have proven, most inportantly for yourself, that you are a very strong woman. No one can take that away from you. Other have said it and it is very very true. Leaving is the hardest thing that you can do, but you did it. And with the help of your boss and those here, you will make it. Do not ever believe that you cant. And if you even think about questioning it, look at this post. Print it out and keep it by your bed side to read whenever you need it. Clusterville is here for everyone. He are all very strong, because of our HA, but that does not mean that we are not able to handle other trials. Your kids need you. And they need to feel the warmth and security that only a mom can give them. You are teaching them that thier life is important and that you will always be there for them. That is such a wonderful thing and scary thing to do. If you ever need anything, please feel free to call me. I will alwyas be there to listen. Be proud of yourself. Sometimes our enemy is not only the beast. Tiannia |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by BobG on Mar 9th, 2004, 3:14pm Donna, Prayers being sent your way. You've done the best thing for yourself and the kids. Please be safe. Please remain strong. |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by BarbaraD on Mar 9th, 2004, 5:01pm And check in with "mom" [smiley=huh.gif] You know how I worry.... Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by kim on Mar 9th, 2004, 5:18pm Dear Donna (smile - you really are a dear ya know**) I am crying reading this post. I know how hard it was for you to come out of yourself and put this all down for all to see*** Being a mother, being married ............going through similar stuff.........it is truly overwhelming and such a private kind of pain. I know that the instinct is to cover for everyone and hold up the family.... and i know the devastation that can happen to your own soul..... Please accept my very best wishes for you and your family. I hope that you will all find strength, happiness and healing. It ain't easy my friend :) I send you a warm hand to hold, well wishes for safety and security for you and your children and all my best for a bright future for you all**** :) Lotsa love and support headed your way. Kim |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by Slammy on Mar 9th, 2004, 5:30pm on 03/07/04 at 18:24:08, Donna_D. wrote:
Donna, If posting it made you feel strong, wait till all the support comes in.....we are all with you! Thoughts and prayers are too! :-* Slammy 8) |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by jonny on Mar 9th, 2004, 5:50pm Be strong, Donna....We already know you put the boots to the fucker (So to speak)....If theres anything I can do I will, never be afraid to ask your family (Us) for help. Let me know if he dont honor the restraining order, I love flying and im due. ..............................jonny |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by thomas on Mar 9th, 2004, 5:57pm on 03/09/04 at 17:50:44, jonny wrote:
Ohhhhhh two can fly cheaper than one.......... ;) |
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Title: Re: Public announcement of a Private matter... Post by hdbngr on Mar 10th, 2004, 9:50am You go girl! Thoughts from Oriah Mountain Dreamer, An Indian Elder: It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed by fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine and your own, if you can dance with the wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning to be careful, realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty when the day is not pretty, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the ocean and shout "yes." It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what is needed for your loved ones. It doesn't interest me who you are and how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep, in the empty moments. |
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