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Title: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Little Deb on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:34pm Hello all you wonderful CH'rs! You know I usually send welcome notes to new people when I find them. I wanted to share an email I got today. Here goes..... "...sounds like a really fantabulous group ..." "....I am learning that less participation in the message board is best....too many respondents, who are generally pretty vulnerable folks, are wide open fair game for some barbed smart asses with too much time on their hands. Several times I got responses that were so off the charts bizarro that they either had to be pulling my leg or were on some really good meds at the time. Others were downright mean-spirited responses to other respondents....old history rearing its head, I guess. In any case, you probably won't see my name there much anymore...except when it's really urgent or related to your soiree! Too bad that a few bad eggs have to make it so difficult for those of us trying to share information to help others." I am only sharing this cause I it saddens me to see a new person have this view of us. They haven't gotten to know us yet, and may not come back. That really makes me sad. We ALL need each other, and each new person who comes to this site, ( a genuine CH'r) also needs us. You know the saying "you can't choose your family". Not everyone who comes to this site will have something worthwhile to contribute. They may say really stupid things. But they are HERE, and asking for or offering support. I hope this person who emailed me will stay. She seems to be very genuine, and interested in being part of the family, and in the long run, a very good supporter to all of us. She just fits. I hope she hasn't been scared away for good. feeling like I have lost a new family member...little deb :( |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:42pm WAH!!!.."Bizzaro...Mean spirited?" Must have been me ;;D ........................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by TomM on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:43pm Interesting point of view. Thanks for sharing this Lil Deb. TomM |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by brain_cramps on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:51pm LMAO!!! yep --- my money is on jonny ;;D |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Paigelle on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:52pm You are right we can't pick our family. We are stuck together and we are gonna laugh, cry, fight, but we are a family. That is proven everyday. Some people are very new to CH and even new to "surfing", so they are lost. Sometimes when newbies post they aren't sure what to say and sound kinda whacko themselves. But somehow we need to let them hear what kindness and support is offered here. We could save a life. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by TomM on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:54pm on 01/14/04 at 15:52:23, Paigelle wrote:
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by brain_cramps on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:55pm seriously tho --- i've been guilty of that in the past and am tryin to be nicer to the newcomers (even if they start another "left-handed or right-handed thread ;;D ) tryin to "mend my ways", grant |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by KingOfPain on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:58pm on 01/14/04 at 15:34:29, Little Deb wrote:
Ditto to that! Flame shields up Captain? [smiley=bigguns.gif] Make it so! Thanks Little Deb |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by CHmess on Jan 14th, 2004, 3:59pm She's right - you guys were all soooooooo great to me when I first got on here but I've watched some newbie's get really slammed on lately......... I know by now which ones are the "smarty pants" and when you guys are just blowin smoke - but I remember thinking sometimes - gosh I'm glad I didn't get replies like that - I probably would have crawled in a corner and cried....... But if you keep reading --- you can see that even the tough guys are there when you need them!!!!!!! ;;D |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Tiannia on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:01pm on 01/14/04 at 15:52:23, Paigelle wrote:
Yep, I know that there have been a few times that I have read the board and just taken what was said badly. I hurt and thus made what was said a hundred times sharper then it was probably mean. But after I decide, well I guess I wont come back to Clusterville. I always end up coming back and lurking for a while. Cause I cant but help and care about people here. I dont know if I will ever get to meet anyone face to face, but I'll be damned if I 'm gonna let anyone feel like they were abandonded. All of us, are so very strong willed, (I think we have to be to live with CH). That is the first thing that I think we need to make sure to say hi to a noob. That people are loud , rude, crass and harsh, but have a heart as big as the sun. Tiannia EDIT : Thanks KoP I needed to laugh... but you should change your name to King of Smilies..... [smiley=ohjez.gif] |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by thomas on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:17pm Thanks for lunch Deb.... Now some dessert. I don't think that for a moment being flippant or mean to newbies is at any time acceptable. That's all I have to say. You've got to hug them on the way in, give 'em lots o love and support, 'cause they ain't gettin' it anywhere else, you can bet on that. When they're strong enough, then you can joke and kid with them a little.. Most people that find this site for the FIRST time are in pain. We should ALL consider that fact. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:22pm on 01/14/04 at 16:17:50, thomas wrote:
Prehaps what this person saw was you and Don picking on me relentlessly...;;D .......................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by thomas on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:24pm on 01/14/04 at 16:22:30, jonny wrote:
But you're so damn easy jonny.......Besides you give as good as you get ma brutha. ;) |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Paigelle on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:29pm Oh poor Jonny! People pickin' on him. I will get 'em for ya Jonny! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:32pm on 01/14/04 at 16:29:16, Paigelle wrote:
Kill Don first...he called me a homo....LOL ;;D ...............jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by grumpett on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:33pm I can relate to how I felt at first and some times still feel like I am walking on thin ice. I feel like I am starting to get to know all of you and think you are all great and that we all DO share the same pain. I left and came back and am here to stay. But that was me and I think that WE ALL should be more patient with new comers, I am sure that is what DJ meant for this site. Anyway that was my 2 cents. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Paigelle on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:39pm on 01/14/04 at 16:32:48, jonny wrote:
That's it! Where the hell is Don? lol |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by CJohnson on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:42pm on 01/14/04 at 16:32:48, jonny wrote:
Not that theres anything wrong with that. PFDANs -Curtis |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 4:44pm on 01/14/04 at 16:42:08, CJohnson wrote:
Not at all!! ..................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by aprilbee on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:05pm I kind of teeter totter on this subject, I am an EXTREMELY shy person, even on a message board where no one can see me, but I OBSERVED and added 2 cents here and there when I first got here.... eventually realizing a lot of any "mean" thing said is in jest and not meant to hurt feelings... we all need to support and be supported, HOWEVER if its serious all of the time, this place would be no fun, and I think thats why most of us stick around so long, thats what being a family about, good and bad times! |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by fubar on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:20pm Gotta admit, it took me a while to figure out how to digest the crap that was slung my way when I first arrived here, but I stuck through it and I am eternally grateful for this, the only family that really understands me. There have been some ugly exchanges, but I learned to take it in stride. Some of us pat ourselves on the back, saying what thick skin we have because of the inordinate amounts of pain we endure, but it's surprising how thin-skinned people can be sometimes. The ones who stay and learn will know, this place rocks. -Shawn |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by amen on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:22pm I have to admit, I was flamed a few times myself, (yep, I started a left vs right thread when I was new) ::)but there are some of you guys out there who PM'd me some very supportive messages. You know who you are ::). I am assuming they do this alot when it looks as though someone might be getting flamed and thinking about leaving the board. Hopefully this person got some of these messages too. ::) My feeling is if they get these messages and still decide to leave, then it's thier choice. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, or grow thicker skin! there's my [smiley=twocents.gif] ! Andrea |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by henzey on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:25pm Well, I have to admit to being the newbie that started all this which will probably start some unexpected reactions...but I really appreciate Deb's efforts here. I was really also speaking up for some other Newbies who were clearly smarting and have truly gone away.....while I have still been participating, but more guardedly. The issue really is a couple of specific folks who like to make fun of people who have scary drug reactions or looking for guidance. It's true that you probably lose alot of newbies who never come back....but these types of responses will assure that they don't. Fortunately, I am a tough bird >:( as my husband points out, so I am not totally gone, but I definitely will be far more cautious about postings on the medications sites after yesterday. :-X |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by don on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:28pm Quote:
Yes. Yes he does. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:30pm on 01/14/04 at 17:25:32, henzey wrote:
I knew it wasnt me...I hardly ever go downstairs. ;;D .................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by BlueMeanie on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:35pm When I first arrived here. I thought the same thing. There was excellent e-mails and such that really cheered me up and made me feel alot better knowing others are out there that I can talk to. Reading some of the post totally shocked me as a newcomer. I was very leary about sticking around. It wasn't post against newbies so much. I think in general the majority of the post to newbies are sincere and not in bad taste. It's when you read the other post bashing & such. Most just in fun. As a newbie it's hard to understand though. You come here in pain and looking for something, but you're not sure what it is. You don't expect to see the bashing & joking around. It definately takes some getting used to. I agree most people get the info and head for the hills because of it. Suggestion: Split the categories in the general section. Have a WELCOME NEWBIE post & an OLD TIMER post. That way people who just arrive won't have to read through all the bullshit we have here until they feel comfortable joining in and reading CRAZY SHIT. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by thomas on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:38pm on 01/14/04 at 17:22:03, amen wrote:
Well, if it was me, I do apologize........ :) |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:43pm on 01/14/04 at 17:35:22, BlueMeanie wrote:
Bullshit?......Crazy shit? Dude, thats family.. Thats why on the welcome page DJ asks newbies to watch the board for awhile before posting.....I guess some skip that part. .........jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by thomas on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:47pm on 01/14/04 at 17:43:43, jonny wrote:
Yep...... |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by henzey on Jan 14th, 2004, 5:50pm Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, or grow thicker skin! I did get more than my share of really good feedback and comments and a great invitation to a helluva party...but definitely tracked several newbies who didn't get much of the good....and they are gone! First impressions are really important. Maybe there should be more of a warning about this....only those with thick skins can sign up....just kidding. I guess it's just going to happen that on a message board like this...you have 2 or 3 people who like to see if they get scare you off or get a rise out of you. But, I do think we all end up sometimes losing good folks every now and then....a price you pay for message boards. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by henzey on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:01pm "I knew it wasnt me...I hardly ever go downstairs."--Jonny Hey, Jonny, how do you know you weren't sleepwalking??? |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:05pm on 01/14/04 at 18:01:43, henzey wrote:
Cause where I live they strap you to the bed at night so that dont happen [smiley=oops.gif] ...................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hootchdom on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:06pm My two cents worth, found this site about 6 months ago and lurked for the first couple of weeks, mainly gaining knowledge about clusters. When I did get the nerve to post I also found some responses that I wasn’t expecting, I accepted them as constructive criticism or not knowing that individuals personality and was reading more into his/her response than I should. For every one that may have bent my nose in the wrong direction there were many more that helped out. I realize we all come from different walks of life and all have our own opinions and our own way of expressing them. In the six months I’ve been part of this site I can honestly say I have never personally witnessed any mean spiritedness towards any one. I just think sometimes it comes out the wrong way or is taken out of context. I know we are all here to help one another. If we weren’t no one would stick around. If something was said that offended you I’m sure it wasn’t it that individuals intent. But that’s just my opinion. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hootchdom on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:11pm hell........ jonny scares me more now that I've gotten to know him. ;;D........and I'm glad he stays upstairs because I'm usally down 8) |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:19pm on 01/14/04 at 18:11:45, hootchdom wrote:
It's my job as King to keep the peeps on their toes ....LMAO ;;D ..................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by BlueMeanie on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:22pm on 01/14/04 at 17:43:43, jonny wrote:
Hummmm..... Funny as Hell though. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by thomas on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:24pm on 01/14/04 at 18:22:01, BlueMeanie wrote:
Hey nice tat Bob. Can't wait till Nashville. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Tiannia on Jan 14th, 2004, 6:54pm on 01/14/04 at 18:11:45, hootchdom wrote:
You know I felt the same way, but once you realize that he is a long hairer tattoed biker... well then you just expect him to be .... well just jonny. ;;D jk sweetie. You are great and support so many people. Anyone who ever asks for help or vibes you are one of the ones that I know will always have posted. I just think of Jonny as the big brother that will give you crap about your hair but beat up anyone else that says the same thing. [smiley=bigguns.gif] Tiannia |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hopefull on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:09pm Think about it guys these people are in pain or desperate or both and they aren't looking for the joking and making sure they say everything just right ...I cried when I found this site but then I wished I hadn't it was the worst thing I've ever gone thru....because I didn't word it just right.....I was called a liar and want -a-be....sympathy junky...God knows why I stuck around....but taking a beating was better than being alone....then some reached out to me thanks you know who you are.....still not always comfortable...but like I said anythings better than feeling like your the only one...so please remember what it was like to find this sight...the relief, joy, maybe tears...and go easy on them ....They NEED us! |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:16pm on 01/14/04 at 19:09:01, hopefull wrote:
I guess there should not be a WELCOME page if no one is going to read it, right? DJ, made that page so newbies could get use to the people posting, to see who posts everyday, to see how the board works, to see just who is an ass and who aint, to see many things that one would not see just diving in.....some just want to dive in, our fault?.....Nope!! .........................jonny BTW:....I was one that just did the diving in thing....think anyone or anything was going to make me leave? |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hopefull on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:23pm ......sometimes the relief at finding it makes you run into the crowd just cause you found them and are so relieved you want to jump for joy.....and say I'm here...so some of us aren't perfect follow the rules type people....something tells me jonny your aren't either....can't you cut anyone else some slack? |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:31pm on 01/14/04 at 19:23:01, hopefull wrote:
Sure I can, but what I wont do is sit back and watch a "Left or right hand" thread started every ten days or a "Have you had head trauma" thread started every two weeks......Its in the welcome page to search the archives for stuff like this.....would you let someone in your house that blows off all you asked? Does anyone realise that everytime one of these SAME 45 reply threads start every week or so it cost DJ more money? If everybody wants to hit that paypal button down bottom ill shut up about the welcome page....until then im King!!! ......................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Little Deb on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:34pm Thank you everyone for your responses. And thank you especially Debbie, I think when I first found this site in fall 2002, I read the visitors page, and looked around a bit. Now that I look back at it, it does look familiar. But I did post a couple times in the beginning, and got flamed. I was scared to death to ever post again. And at that point, I forgot anything I may have read on the visitor's page. When I came back this time, I had no intentions of posting, ever. I just came to look around. I do have to bite my tongue sometimes. I try to accept that everyone's opinion has value. Even the one's we disagree with. Cause you have to have some bad, so you don't take the good for granted. Thanks again, everyone. May the force be with you!!.......little deb ;;D |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by stevegeebe on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:36pm Wait a minute. Hey newbies.... You type in Cluster Headache. You click on Clusterheadaches.com. You post and you are welcomed. You ask questions and you are helped. You get to know us and you become family. You go to places you never thought you would go to and meet other Clusterheads. You bond, you share, you laugh, you cry and maybe even get a tattoo. We make it through together. Thanks. Steve G |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:38pm on 01/14/04 at 19:36:25, stevegeebe wrote:
Thats just how it happened for me, Dude .............................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hopefull on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:47pm We all come from different molds thank God.....I don't know about you but I don't hand out rules before someone comes to my house ...yes I realise the web is different.......Your home is suppose to be welcoming and comfortable.....ever been in someones house where you were so uncomfortable you never want to go back....all I'm saying is have a little patience |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:52pm LMMFAO ;;D....Ever smoke in someones house that dont smoke? Ive been here 4 1/2 years.....I have hundreds of friends....most of them I had a problem with but have since helped them out more than you can even imagine. Why do you think im King? .............................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hopefull on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:55pm funny I didn't think you were...but we all call our selves something....Look Jonny I'm not out to start a fight just stating my opinion....thanks for the feed back we all need it :P |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 14th, 2004, 7:59pm Again...LMMFAO.....Youve been here long enough to know this is not a fight ;;D I respect your point of view, you may not think so but I do. ..................................jonny |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by hopefull on Jan 14th, 2004, 8:02pm I hear ya! |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Prense on Jan 14th, 2004, 8:27pm Quote:
Based on this, I gather that the killer post was this one?? Quote:
I went back and read all the posts that Henzey wrote, and every post following those. 24 total posts and all of a sudden we are "barbed smart asses" based on this? Give me a break... Many thanks to Little Deb for doing this! However, I feel there was no justification for this e-mail. Very disappointed... Chris |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by pubgirl on Jan 14th, 2004, 8:49pm Well I must be paranoid then, because I thought it was me on the 'sugar cure' thread where I was rude to a newbie. I'm honestly never rude to new people normally (just old ones ;;D), I try very hard to welcome and help and post useful advice where I have knowledge, but I was VERY tired at the time, and always see red when I read the word 'cure' on here. So I let rip a bit. Even if this isn't what henzey is referring to, I shouldn't have done it. Thanks Little Deb, this thread is a wake-up call and a good reminder. Sorry psychoal, will message you a sorry too. :-[ Wendy |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Kevin_M on Jan 14th, 2004, 9:11pm In his way, jonny can make point. Perhaps the WELCOME page might add: "On this day we sailed. Course WSW." -Chrisopher Columbus Heading somewhere without any previous experience, well, it could get rough making it. I read a little first, dived in and was soon at odds. By the end of the first day, I was embroiled in a new friendship with that person, ask Nancy. Hang in there, it's worth it. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by henzey on Jan 15th, 2004, 10:40am Well, as I said, I was not really talking about responses that I had gotten myself, which really were not so bad, so looking at my posts would not tell you much. I did read the message board for several days before ever even signing up and posting myself. In looking back through the archives for info on Topamax and similar drugs, I found other examples of these barbed comments. In many cases, the newbie targeted never responded again so we don't know if they just went away mad or just went away period. So, by the time I got a comment that looked just many of those, I was fairly prepared for it. However, given that I read a history of these over several days, it seemed to be important enough to at least mention this issue to an "old-timer" like Deb to see if this is something that she had observed over time or if I was just making too much of it. What I would say is this, I agree with Thomas that it just is not appropriate to be flippant with a Newbie, especially about medications or their mental state. We have NO idea how vulnerable they are when they first log in. Maybe one role I can play is to help others on the board watch out for other Newbies and help them feel like they have a safe place to be. As always, we have many different opinions about this issue.... |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Paigelle on Jan 15th, 2004, 11:27am on 01/14/04 at 18:05:07, jonny wrote:
We really don't let Jonny out much. He scares the people downstairs! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Big_Dan on Jan 15th, 2004, 12:26pm ... when I first came here, I don't remember ever getting flamed... but that's me... As far as "smart asses" or "mean-spirited" people... yeah.. I've had my run-in's with them... and I say "fuck 'em"... you can't please 'em all, and I'm not going to start trying to... ... as it stands now, I don't have a bad thing to say about anyone here... I may have in the past, but you gotta learn to get over that shit... who's got time for it?... Either huddle with those that comfort you, and get used to the ones that get to you... or move on... we're all sufferers here in one way or another... So to all those that think of some of the ones here as downright a.ssholes... pull that stick out of your ass and get used to it... we've all got work to do here, and you shouldn't let petty shit like that get to you anymore than I let it get to me... That's my thoughts... and I'm not giving you no God damned two cents for it either... -Big Stingy |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Paigelle on Jan 15th, 2004, 12:31pm on 01/15/04 at 12:26:23, Big_Dan wrote:
Um, sorry sir but you were suppose to drop your 2 cents in the bucket at the door. I will write you up an IOU. lol You actually made some great points in your post. |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Woobie on Jan 15th, 2004, 7:26pm on 01/15/04 at 12:26:23, Big_Dan wrote:
You're very wise for being only 23 yrs old! LOL Yo mama raised you right er sumthin! (cept for that whole jail thing........LMAO!) |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by Little Deb on Jan 15th, 2004, 7:35pm Well, Miss Henzy, I nominate you to be on the welcoming committee with the rest of us!! Thanks for offering!! the more the merrier.....little deb ;;D |
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Title: Re: food for thought...nothin' tasty.... Post by jonny on Jan 15th, 2004, 8:22pm on 01/15/04 at 19:35:35, Little Deb wrote:
Does that mean I cant beat'em up and the send them hundreds of dollars in cash or rebuilt regulators? Damn!!!, beat out by a newbie.....LMMFAO ;;D ..........................jonny |
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