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Title: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 6th, 2003, 11:08am Bad news yesterday... Most or some of you know that I married into 3 children and since have had 2 of my own. When we married the kids were 2, 4, & 6. The youngest of the 3 older is now 14. She has been giving us hell since she was 12 +... Run-a-way, drugs, you name it. She has been in lock up facilaties, observation facilitites and now she is in a wilderness program and has been there the required amount if time. To date she done very well there, and will "graduate with honors"! My wife has to go down there for her gradutation from this wilderness boot camp thing, she is leaving today. We got a call yesterday and told us that we cannot bring her home, we have to drop her off to a center and she will be placed in a protor home, becuse she says that there is abuse in the home. They won't tell anything more than that... They told us there will be an investigation. I don't think that she has been spanked/swatted since she was maybe 10. She did get her mouth slapped on 2 different occasions we she told me to f*&^ off. Once in church and the other here at home. She has already run us ragged with all of her other antics, but this one is a bit much. With everything that is going on right now I don't know how much more stress I can handle... I'll take a CH over this... I know that will go away at some point... Athos |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by echo on Feb 6th, 2003, 11:21am Sorry to read you are going through this. Be prepared to have the investigators look up your a s s es with two flashlights to ascertain what is reality. Hang tough |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by suzy617 on Feb 6th, 2003, 11:41am Wow Athos, so sorry to hear about this. I was never charged with abuse for my son but because he was playing hookie from school, the child protection bureau was notified and they wanted to charge me with neglect. It was horrible, they checked drs files to see if he was ever abused, they came to my house to see if i had food in my closets and all because my punk son was leaving every morn and i went off to work, i had no clue. Turns out though that everything was dropped, son got shipped off to dads house and everything turned out for the best. I am sure that they will find these accusals to be unfounded and eventually be ok for you. Yea I know what you mean by rather having a CH anyday over that. Teemagers can drive you insane at times.. Good luck to you, my friend, suzy |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 6th, 2003, 11:47am Thanks Ya.. life is hell right now at our house... not knowing... is the worst part. You ask them and they say we can't tell you right now. I thought if you were being accused of something you at least have the right to know what why and where, Right? Innocent before proven guilty... or is that not the case anymore... -Athos |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by cootie on Feb 6th, 2003, 12:05pm That has happen'd to some freinds of ours.....they had adopted 3 kids all brothers 'n sisters when they were practically babies.....they wanted to adopt but this family came up and they didn't want to break them up. These kids gave them a real run for there money as they got older......they got into all sorts of trouble in all sorts of ways and the parents tried to be a bit strict knowing they had came from a trouble home where both parents were not responsible at all ever. They got into a hassle with the one older girl over use of the phone ect and it went from there. They got into alot of couseling and they got on the subject of abuse with this girl. They asked her questions trying to figure out where her anger came from and reason she was so much trouble. It's almost as if it puts ideas in these kids heads or they hear from others what to do ta get back at parents (I am "NOT" blameing the counselers what so ever....paleeze !!)....they asked questions with extensive counseling if she felt threaten'd or had ever been touched by her step dad...or hurt....and she took it from there. Probly convinced herself things were wrong. He used to wake her up in the morning and touch her like a light shake most of us are familiar with....nothing bad at all.....that's the one they tried to get him for as the sexual abuse case part....the girl got "alot" of attention once the subject changed to this......The father was basically GUILTY till proven inocent. I felt so bad for him...I think sum of the kids thrive on the attention (and excitement) they suddenly get and apparently need with this type of turn around. They brought up all disipline measures they had taken also......they went thru hell with this girl. The case was of course fineally dropped....there was nothing goin on wrong in that family. I feel bad you have to go thru this. Good luck to you....I've heard of several cases so similar to yours......it is sad. Your probly the one that will wear the scars of all this thru life...the kids grow up and go on. (in cases where nothing happen'd I mean) Myself I'd be done with the kid if they did that to me....my daughter gave us alot of grief as it was....once we got her moved out it took some stress off us but we did try to help her with rent ect a while. I was taught to respect my parents.....and I did ! Pam |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 6th, 2003, 1:31pm I don't know what to think, or feel.... Other than hurt.... betrayed etc.... |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Lori on Feb 6th, 2003, 1:37pm I am sorry to hear of your situation. My nephew just got sent to a juvenile corrections facility for 18 months. It makes you wonder what in the h@ll is going on with our kids these days! It's so sad when you love them and only try to help them and it sometimes just doesn't seem to help. The only thing I can think of to say is check out a website called strugglingteens.com You may have already tried everything, it may not help you at all. I don't know. Hang in there, it will hopefully all work out eventually. PFDAN |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by cootie on Feb 6th, 2003, 1:38pm It's prolly gonna be along haul for ya....mite even consider foster care for the girl from now on.....I know that sounds harse but 'yeah'....I agree enuff is enuff sometimes !! Not ta mention possibly the years more of metal anquish and trouble ya mite end up with in the future not ta mention I'd think a few bad feelin's and vibes with the resta the family after it all. Really sad...and the process ya gotta go thru ta solve all this is gonna suck.....good luck to ya.....it's gotta be hell fer ya !! Pam |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Donna on Feb 6th, 2003, 2:29pm I think I would be looking for some legal advice right about now. You WILL probably have to be proven innocent. Any system that can allow the Family Services Dept., or whatever they are called in your state, to receive a complaint from a stranger and pull crying little children out of your home without a question or a notice until they can prove you committed a cime, isn't going to listen much to what you have to say. They probably WILL investigate every aspect of your life. I too think that tough love is in order here, if you eventually have that choice. I would tell the child that she can either come to a home where she is loved, behave the way she knows she should. and things will be fine. Or she can continue as she is....and be gone. This is rough. Stand back and look at it before you move. Don't make any rash decisions. Things like this can really wear you down fast. Good luck. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Margi on Feb 6th, 2003, 3:06pm on 02/06/03 at 14:37:28, Jarvis wrote:
ya THINK? :o wow, Jarvis - glad to hear it finally did turn out ok for you. Scary that someone like that counsellor could so easily get into a position of authority. thanks for the heads-up. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Jarvis on Feb 6th, 2003, 3:07pm Athos sorry about that last post. Sure thats not one you wanted to hear. I suspect you wont have any real issues as your daughter has allready shown her character is flawed. Love is the best answer. I am sure she really is a good kid inside but when down people can be made to say anything. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 6th, 2003, 11:38pm Thanks Lori on the link for strugglingteens...... I registered already waiting for my approval.. Thanks again guys for all the support. --Athos |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Charlie on Feb 7th, 2003, 12:58am Sorry to hear this too: I'm pissed at these stories. There are way too many of them. As you say, sexless counselors and kids who are getting their jollies by getting even with adults they don't like. Granted this kind of shit happens but nothing at the level reported on cable news. It's too easy for the little twerps to do this. The counselors do more harm than good and often are the real destroyers of family. I don't know how to fix this but it's time the scale tipped back the other way a bit. Adults need a break too. George Carlin once said that he's sick of this too. Enough of everything: "for the children," it's just too easy to say and not a lot of people mean it anyway. Not everything has to be "for the children." Fire away kids. Mean old Charlie >:( |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by ave on Feb 7th, 2003, 3:39am Athos, I am so sorry for you. Yes, prepare for storms ahead. Big, bad storms. Counselors DO put ideas in kids mind, there is lit on that. Children who hate can unerringly find the thing that will hurt you most. There is one strange thing though, and I wonder the "counselors" have not found this out yet... A real abused child (and especially sexually abused) will often NOT tell and will even try to protect the rightly accused adult. A fake abused child will often heap on accusations that get more ludicrous as time goes on and will haul in more and more "abusers". I'll try and check out some info on this, if I can find it. But do, DO get legal representation a of NOW. My thoughts go out to you. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Brassbear on Feb 7th, 2003, 6:11am Athos, Sorry to hear the crap your going through. I'm afraid I've got bad news for you though, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better. I work at a Children's home which is full of kids like your daughter. Many of them seem to take delight in destroying those that care for them. The allegations have only just begun. Your right and so is Jarvis, there are a crap load of poorly trained counselors, psychs, etc. out there and they ALWAYS take the kids story as gospel. Where I work I would say 1 out of every 50 stories MIGHT have some truth to it. Working at the home has really embittered me towards children. The ones I've dealt with are manipulative, liars, theives, and drug abusers. And I can't tell you how many of them claim to be either Satanist or into witchcraft. Not the nice Wicca witchcraft either. Get yourself some legal counsel as soon as possible and hang tough. To end this with a positive note, Mary and I send best wishes, blessings and good vibes to you and yours. I hope this gets resolved quickly for you. Michael |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by suzy617 on Feb 7th, 2003, 7:26am I agree with Jarvis about some counselors. The caseworker that was assigned to my family, met us at the school and I just couldnt believe what I saw. Here was this 350lb woman with a denim mini skirt on, no stockings wearing sandles. she looked like the lowest form of life and I just had to say to her, Look I dont hit my kids, he played hookie, shouldnt you be going after the real abusers who hit their kids, dont feed them, really, really neglect them? She couldnt answer me. Luckily for me though, the school supported me 100% showing that I was in constant contact with them and the woman just kinda put her nose up in the air, like she was disappointed or something. Anyway, my son grew up, is doing great and I laugh everytime I see that stupid letter they sent me that they will keep me on record for 10 years and if the situation continues, they can still come after me. Well does that mean when my son is 25 and he doesnt want to go to school, they have the right to come and arrest me?? geez.... ::) I know my story was different then you guys but I saw what happened once you get sucked into the system. I wish you luck and hope this ends quickly for you. suzy |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by Riccardo on Feb 7th, 2003, 9:33am Athos, I'm really sorry. This thing is happened many times also in Italy, and I'm scared that my little daughter (8 y.o.) , in the future, could do a thing like this. Hope not, but ..... who knows? Best wishes, and a slap on the face of your daughter (WEB slaps don't hurt..... :() |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by NotH20 on Feb 7th, 2003, 10:06am Athos I'm so angry after reading all these horror stories >:( When are we, as parents, going to take over our homes again and stop allowing children to ruin not only the house, but our entire lives ??? I hear stories of social services coming in and ruining entire families - just at the accusation of a minor who is angry w/ their parents for not allowing them to do something. It's time for a good lawyer for you and your wife. It's time for your daughter to make a decision as to where her life is going - with her loving family or alone w/ total strangers feeding her a line of BS every time she turns around. At the age of 14 - she already knows how to play the system - she's seen it on tv and has discussed it I'm sure with many of her friends. Also at this age she is old enough to realize wrong decisions being made and to accept the consequences of those decisions. You have a REALLY rought road ahead of you Athos and for that I am truly sorry. Teenagers of today are totally different than when I was a teenager - I see it in my own daughters (13 & 14). Parenting is no piece of cake, that's for sure. You stand your ground and I wish you much success with this situation.... Mia |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by hdbngr on Feb 7th, 2003, 10:34am Athos: As if you needed one more thing on top of the constant headaches. Man, I'm sorry! I agree, the first thing you should do is get some good legal representation. I haven't had good experience with Counselors either, my most notable was at a headache clinic. We didn't need counseling, but one monthly session was required. She twisted things I said, things my husband said, then found subtle ways to use them against us. We were actually mad at each other because we thought the other spouse had said something bad! THEN we started comparing notes and realized the other person had never said it in the first place...once we confronted her, she started lying, saying she never said that, the other person was lying, and it went downhill, fast. She actually tried to sabotage our relationship, to justify the need for her services. When we tried, the clinic said it was her word against ours. Guess who they believed? Ethos, about your daughter...14 is a tough, tough age. She sounds like she has a lot of problems, and not necessarily because of anything you have done as parents. She still might turn out okay when she matures a little (lot). She doesn't know who she is and it sounds like the counsors have opened the door for her to create a tragic persona and give her the attention she is craving. Whatever you do, don't get angry and don't point fingers, even if you feel she is tearing up your life. She is trying to get a rise out of you. If you get angry, they will use it against you to prove their case, and possibly take your other darling children. You can be sad, but I would put it back in HER lap, and say you are sorry to hear she doesn't love you, and maybe it would be best if she lived somewhere else, because you and your wife just want whats best for her, and overall, you want her to be happy. That will jerk the rug right out from under her. Finally, let her know you love her. Foster homes are a nightmare, and many pose dangers that would screw her up forever. It may take awhile, but she will realize how good she has/had it. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 7th, 2003, 12:25pm Again... You guys great thanks for the support.... My wifes uncle is a good lawyer and I am sure will have no problem in supporting us... The tough problem right now is they won't tell me or my wife anything because it might "taint" the investigation! So here I sit in anxiety mode and sit and wonder.... --Athos |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 7th, 2003, 1:26pm jarvis, My wife has to get her from the wilderness prgram. My wife stayes the night with my daughter out there and then has to bring her back Sat/Sun and drop her off and then it all begins. So She has been in "State" custody for 2 + months now... and this just came up I guess. I will get a hold of the lawyer and I have a few friends in the system, see if they can provide me with any information. |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by ZAIRA on Feb 7th, 2003, 2:51pm Dear Athos, I think of you, I will pray for you so that you can overcome this bad times :'(...know that I will be whit you... Love, yr. friend fom Italy, Zaira :-* :'( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 8th, 2003, 2:15pm Zaira, Thanks.... We have struggled with the older 3 kids for some time... The JayDee the oldest is now 18... maybe growing up a bit. He and I have always had a distance between us. Jackie 16- is actually very sweet.. There are times that she gets in trouble, but nothing compared to other 2. Cami -14 you already know about the issues. With JayDee I think that it was that I replaced his dad... But his dad was the one that left. He was really hard on my wife, her ex. He was into drugs... alchohol.. While drunk he went joy riding on his motorcylce with is cousin and totaled the bike and left his cousin with the mental capcity of a 5 year old. He was in a group that was stealing furniture and other things. He never called or tried to get a hold of the kids... nothing, until his heart condition got real bad and then he decided that maybe he should spend some time with them... That was after we had been married for 8 years or so. He is dead now and that caused no small problem either. I did not like the idea of having him in the picture. No matter what I did, or even do.. I am the bad guy. My only solace right now are the 2 younger younger kids. I have a great relationship with them... Kira - 8 to her I am superman, she and I are very close. Connor - 5 gives the best hugs and constantly tells me how much he loves me. I love their mother very much as well... We have our times that are hard... Now is one of them. But hopefully that will work out too... Relational dynamics are very interesting.... Athos |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by jonny on Feb 8th, 2003, 2:24pm Your not the bad guy, Bro You are the good guy for stepping in and taking care of these kids, it will take time but all will know in time what you have done and sacraficed. Hang in there. You sir have my respect!!!! ................................jonny |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 8th, 2003, 2:37pm Jonny.... Thanks I appreciate that.... That means a lot. Athos.. P.S. is that true even if I don't do the dishes? ;D |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by jonny on Feb 8th, 2003, 2:59pm Wing the dishes out the damn widow when ever you feel the need.....LOL Bro, I walked into a fatherhood at 16, met a chick with a one year old and I did my best as a Dad for the next 11 years. To this day Jennifer calls me Dad when she calls. Sends me fathers day cards and Birthday presents. It was a shit storm back in the day but she now knows what I sacrificed being so young to raise her (keep in mind im chronic the whole time) ;D Today she has MS, they put her on Lithium and she didnt tolerate it.......she gave me all her Lithium....LOL ..................................jonny |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by athos12 on Feb 8th, 2003, 3:23pm they call me dad when talking to me...... but now to other people I am Ken not their dad.... |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by jonny on Feb 8th, 2003, 3:54pm Thats the way it goes when your not the Bio Dad, Bro. If they call you Dad you then you got something great, Now that my daughter (and she is to me) older she is not afraid to say what she wants and Dad is what she calls me. Im sorry it will take time, Bro.....Ive been through it but its sweet when you hear it everyday. ....................................jonny |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by catlind on Feb 8th, 2003, 8:11pm Athos, I'm so sorry they are putting you through this. I can only imagine the nightmare you are facing. What is terribly sad to me though, is when my ex used a closed fist and punched my oldest son, leavin a full inprint of the knuckles on his leg, the day care he was in at the time noticed and is required by law to report it. I went in and had a visit with social services they did nothing. The photographic proof and coroborating stories, adn they did nothing. Yet if you are innocent and have done nothing wrong, they investigate you as if you were a murderer There's just no logic to it if you ask me. Cat |
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Title: Re: & I thought Clusters were Bad!!!! Post by suzy617 on Feb 8th, 2003, 10:39pm Cat, That really sucks, I just get so pissed off that the system is so really f--ked up. They seem to go after whatever seems easier for them to win. Sometimes I think they dont even really care about the children, but only their job and what makes them look good. Sorry, I'm rambling but I just wonder how a total stranger can destroy a family depending mostly on their mood at the time...... ??? suzy |
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