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        New Message Board Archives >> Jan-Mar 2003 >> I swore at GOD today!!! :(
        
(Message started by: sfdaw23 on Jan 21^st, 2003, 12:48pm)

Title: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by sfdaw23 on Jan 21^st, 2003, 12:48pm

I did the most horrible thing today during a CH. After about an hour I actually started calling GOD an not a very nice person. I Asked him "what kind of F'ing GOD treats people this way?" screaming "what sick twisted freak of a GOD are you?" and continued with "you're not a good GOD your an EVIL GOD... how could you let me go through this pain."

and just then it stopped. and i felt so bad for saying everything that i just said.

I am sure that I am not the only one that has ever done this but I still fee bad for doing it.

Just for some background I am a 5 year semi-cronic who has been practically fixed with a combo of sansert and verapamil. However, just this last time I went to get my refill on my sansert, walgreens tells me the company that makes sansert no longer makes it. DAMN IT.....

So now my doctor is trying topamax and so far it is not working. he has me only taking 25mg twice a day but I have read that people are taking up to 100-300mg a day so I am going to be discussing this with him. however in the meantime I have to suffer. I was doing so good that I had forgotten how bad these things actually were. I had to relearn all the things that I am sensitive to. foods, drinks, etc... man this sucks.

I cant beleive that they stopped making sansert... does anyone know why????

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Mark C on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:18pm

sfdaw23....Welcome,
hell yeah I have had some serious conversations with my manufacturer.....and I have also suffered good ole southern baptist guilt afterward. I think he understands.....no creator would hold what is said during an attack against you. But why is a valid question. I have had Topamax at 200mg a day. I had some pretty strange side effects and the pain continued. Preventives have not been sucessful for me, yet. I must rely on the Triptans to survive.

I hate to see a good, cheap, effective drug go off the market......Pfzier, Glaxo, etc might lose a dollar.
Funny how the only drug that has ever come close to relieving a CH attack for me, Imitrex injection, is $65.00 a dose.

Dr Goadsby says........
"However, in this era of a cost-conscious NHS, some practitioners are reluctant to prescribe this relatively expensive drug. We feel that, given the devastating morbidity associated with this excruciating pain syndrome, it is unethical to withhold treatment for cost reasons."
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/library/general/management_of_ch.htm

PFDAN's
Mark

http://www.aaa-clipart.com/data/anim2/welcome/an13.gif

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Karla on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:20pm

sfdaw23,
I sent you a pm (private message) please watch for it.

Karla

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by LTBullitt on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:28pm

Was that the Old Testament god or the newer kinder version? It may make a difference in your case in "the end."

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Lenny on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:32pm

Dont feel bad,i cuss at him several times a week ;D,i think we all do.BTW - you are much too polite ( tell him how you really feel ;D ;D ).On the serious side,i took topomax with verapamil and got no releif whatsoever,as a matter of fact,the topomax made me a complete zombie( could not function at work )and the attacks kept on coming :'(,i was so bad that if i had a debate with drywall,the drywall would win.Have you tried lithium with verapamil?Its the only combo.that tames the beast for me :D.I am chronic and there is another chronic clusterheade by the name of Jonny who will swear by this comb. of lithium and verapamil.If you have not tried this,speak to your doc.and please let us know how you are doing.Jonny i hope you dont mind me using your name here( please dont sue me LOL ).
PFDAN to all,
Lenny

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Ted on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:32pm

Nothing to worry about. God pisses in my Cheerios and I bitch and swear at God all the time.
See you down there. Wear a T-shirt.

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by JDH on Jan 21^st, 2003, 1:36pm

sfdaw,
I think we've all been there. Whatever you say when you're in that kind of pain is understandable.
Ask your Dr about oxygen therapy. I've had great success with it.
PFDAN's to you.

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by cootie on Jan 21^st, 2003, 2:21pm

sfdaw23......lotta cussin goes on round here to.....it's to a lesser god.....it's ok....and hello to you. Ted.....are you back now....Pam

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Elaine on Jan 21^st, 2003, 2:24pm

Hi I know how easy it is to get upset from the pain and want to yell at someone or something...why we yell at God is beside be. We who love God and know him know its not him that is giving us this pain its the Devil himself. We should yell at the devil. I say Devil damn LOL! I think God does the god things like he bless the hands and minds of the drugest and scientist that work to find something to help fight the old devil. I think he let us here.

You will be OK you found the right place and you now have support and tools to use against this devil! Read Read read and post and come to chat. There is hope now :-)!

God does forgive ;-)!!!! Anit he wonderful !

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by sfdaw23 on Jan 21^st, 2003, 2:38pm

the only thing is, when i am floping around like a fish out of water and I cry to the lord " dear God, Why do you just sit there and watch me go through this? why do you just watch and let the devil give so much pain to one of your beloved creatures?"

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Ted on Jan 21^st, 2003, 3:08pm

Yup, I am, Pam. God's going to be hearing a lot of people swearing at him after I post this.

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by cootie on Jan 21^st, 2003, 3:18pm

None if it makes sense ta me.....why would a god let wars happen and disasters happen with so many painful horrific deaths.....I kinda think were on our own far as survival goes. Whadda critters 'n insects and other countries fer that matter think when we trash there enviroment.....even if they deserve it.....do they or would they think (if they could) god let them down...jus a thought. Sumdays I do too much thinkin....sum days not enuff. Pam

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Slammy on Jan 21^st, 2003, 3:22pm

Sumdays, cootie.... you scare the hell out of me! ;D

Slammy 8)

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Karla on Jan 21^st, 2003, 3:44pm

God made man to have relationships and to worship him. God is a gentleman. God will never force us to worship him, love him, serve him, or live by his rules. He gave us free will. He wants us to love him because he first loved us. The wars and problems in this world are a result of man trying to live by mans rules instead of by Gods rules.

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by LTBullitt on Jan 21^st, 2003, 3:49pm

I once got pictures of the Vigin Mary in my e-mail. REAL pictures.
pretty trippy stuff man

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by cootie on Jan 21^st, 2003, 4:15pm

slammy.....sum days I skeeer myself.....Pam ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Elaine on Jan 21^st, 2003, 4:41pm

Politics and Religion a subject that could be talked about for ever. But here we ask the question a lot Why would God let so much go on.

This site might help some understand. Then to it can bring up more questions.

http://www.hugsandhope.com/suffering.htm

Its good reading anyway!

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by GlendaB on Jan 21^st, 2003, 5:40pm

A BEAUTIFUL PRAYER

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped
child whole. God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! ,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as
He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY

May God Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but
to one person you just might be the world"

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by tgz23 on Jan 22^nd, 2003, 12:26am

Glenda, Love the prayer. PFDAN Tim

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by BobG on Jan 22^nd, 2003, 3:04am

Ditto to what Elaine and Karla said.

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by athos12 on Jan 22^nd, 2003, 4:04am

sfdwa23,

I used to be a sign language interpretor in college. I Substituted interpreting for a friend of mine for a girl named lisa. Lisa ended up with near fatal attraction syndrome for me. She called me up one night - through a relay operator- and told that she loved and that it was my fault. I did nothing to provoke it never dateded or antyhing, but she said it was easy for me to find friends and date and find a girl because I was hearing. It was hard for her because she was deaf.

I told her that I would not be her boyfriend out of pity sake because she was deaf. I told her that God gave us each a set of problems to deal with our own unique combination and recipie. I told I that her problems and hardships were her own and I could not handle her's. I would help her as a friend, interperet etc. I also told her that my problems and hardhips were my own and that she could probably not handle my set.

IF this life is a test then maybe my CCH is part of my life's recipie. I would like to think that it is a diminishing part.

Chisrt dealt with more pain and suffering than we will ever know. To bleed from every pour. Because of nature, freewill, and the human condition, God knows and has compssion for us, understands us better than we do.

I have been on the on a kip 10 many times wishing I were dead. I know one thing it has taught me compassion for others that I did not have before. It has taught me humility. Doesn't mean I want to keep them around by any means.

Maybe when I have learned what I have needed to I will be rid of them.... my grandfather had them till he was 50 and then they went away....

This is the one and only religious comment that you are likey to see coming from my fingertips....

Then again it maybe just damn unlucky neuro genetics!

Athos :P

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by suzy617 on Jan 22^nd, 2003, 6:34am

sfdaw, dont feel bad, I'm sure we all swear at God every once in awhile especially when that beast comes pounding at your door. dont worry, he understands...

Ted, good to see you back!

Cootie, your not scary...unless you really are and i'm just as scary not to notice it. ;)

Glenda, great prayer!

suzy

Title: Re: I swore at GOD today!!! :(
Post by Charlie on Jan 22^nd, 2003, 6:57am

Sorry this horror has you in its grip. The pain from this horror is more than one should have to bear. Humans have the capacity to reason and so far cluster headaches demonstrate a level of incompetence or just plain sloppy engineering. So.......

Curse, beat the walls, and scream. We've all been there.

Charlie