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Title: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:29pm The front door got locked. Some have found an open window and came inside. Are we supposed to be here? Or should we wait until the front door gets unlocked? :-/ |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by John Michael Smith on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:33pm I don't really know. If we're not, I'm sure the powers that be will inform us. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Jonny on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:33pm I didnt climb through any window. ;) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by starlight on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:35pm Was wondering the same thing--isn't too hard to get on but if I try the normal route it says "STOP THE BULLSHIT!"--I guess maybe it is OK to be here as long as we take a moment to consider that. I am only guessing. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by andrewjb on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:38pm on 04/22/08 at 18:29:05, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
this bothered me too, :-/. andrew. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Melissa on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:45pm Well, I belong here and I didn't do anything not to be. B$, feeling guilty?? LOL |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:47pm on 04/22/08 at 18:45:29, Melissa wrote:
[smiley=JAW_DROP.gif] |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by starlight on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:53pm Maybe a few rounds of "Cum Ba Yah" are in order? |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Melissa on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:55pm on 04/22/08 at 18:47:08, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
wut?? wut i do? |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Kevin_M on Apr 22nd, 2008, 6:56pm I was remanded to an 8 hour "respectful message board" seminar and assigned 30 hours of community service picking up bullshit to get back in. It's only a shaving cut in the mugshot, I'm not Scarface. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by starlight on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:02pm Kevin, That sounds intense--I was thinking maybe a few light-hearted campfire songs...we could all join cyber hands...and...sing...them... |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by George_J on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:12pm Try this: Go to: http://www.clusterheadaches.com Scroll down to the bottom of the page and hit "Enter". When the next page comes up with the links to the left, hit "message board". And the MB comes up. That's about as "front door" as it gets, and it works. So yeah....I think we're okay. ;) Best, George |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Kevin_M on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:34pm I'm not allowed to associate with the "old gang" anymore, I wouldn't talk under a bright light with the good cop/bad cop so did some time. Bad cop: Spill it, you're in on it AREN'T YOU. Good cop: He's just a small time punk, what could he know. Nah, he's worthless. Bad cop: You hear things, you're here everyday! Talk! Ok, ok. Well, there were a lot of great spring pictures posted and smilies but I said I hadn't seen a robin yet and... Bad cop: STFU!!!!!! Good cop: I told you he's worthless. Just book'em for loitering and uttering... like a stump. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:47pm on 04/22/08 at 19:12:29, George_J wrote:
When i do that i get the Stop the bullshit page. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by George_J on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:49pm Kevin, Kevin, Kevin... Sometimes the tough nuts like you are referred to as "Tonks"--'cause that's the sound their head makes when you hit it with a flashlight. Not that that would make much of an impression on a clusterhead. ;) George |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by starlight on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:54pm B$-- I get that too--I just tried it--still getting the disciplinary message. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Racer1_NC on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:56pm Cleared cache, deleted cookies, etc......warning message is still at the front door. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by vietvet2tours on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:57pm Aren't we here? potter |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by George_J on Apr 22nd, 2008, 7:57pm on 04/22/08 at 19:12:29, George_J wrote:
Well, I just tried it again, and it works like a charm. No "bullshit" message at all. I dunno. George |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by starlight on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:00pm Maybe he went through the 6000 names and only left the message on certain people's entryways...just kidding...I think my schizophrenia's acting up again. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Kirk on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:03pm All I did, was click on my bookmark for the message board and was logged in automatically. I wasn't aware of anyone being locked out until Chris mentioned it. I just figured it was a Microsoft thing. Guess I was wrong. [smiley=smokin.gif] |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by brewcrew on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:07pm on 04/22/08 at 20:03:35, Kirk wrote:
Never pass up a chance to take a shot at Mr. Gates! ;;D |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:09pm on 04/22/08 at 19:57:13, vietvet2tours wrote:
Aint nuthin get past you, bro. Good eyes |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Kevin_M on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:10pm on 04/22/08 at 19:49:57, George_J wrote:
Mine was more of a hollow ringing, like a tuning fork. It helped tune an old banjo from the lost and found that nobody claimed to give to a retired ex-cop doing night duty as a watchman. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Langa on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:12pm I was going through withdrawal... If this shows DJ anything is that we can't live without this site... :) Langa |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Mosaicwench on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:13pm Go to: http://www.clusterheadaches.com Scroll down to the bottom of the page and hit "Enter". When the next page comes up with the links to the left, hit "message board". And the MB comes up. That's about as "front door" as it gets, and it works. Doesn't work for me. I had to use: http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:25pm Yes...we are here Potter, but dang it I want my links to the left and no matter which person I listen to I can't get them. I feel half dressed without my links. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by tanner on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:27pm on 04/22/08 at 20:25:36, Linda_Howell wrote:
Which half? ::)....... :-* |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Gator on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:27pm Same here. I opened the browser without going to any webpages. Cleared cache, cookies, history and form data. Closed the browser window. Then re-opened and tried to navigate from home page to message board. After doing this, with Firefox, IE and Opera I still get the warning message. The only way in for me is using the direct link. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Gator on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:29pm Linda, go through the home page to the point just before you click on message board in the links to the left. Then open a new tab and come here via direct link. You'll have everything, just in two separate tabs. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by vietvet2tours on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:30pm I'm a backdoor sorta guy. Potter |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by brewcrew on Apr 22nd, 2008, 8:59pm on 04/22/08 at 20:30:22, vietvet2tours wrote:
I knew it! ;;D |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Annette on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:00pm Well I am here, and as SuperDoc I dont care if I have to climb in through the window or sneak in through the backdoor. 8) If Santa Claus doesnt have a problem entering people's houses through the chimney, why should we ? ;) Edited to add: Just make sure we leave some pressies for the owners of the house by clicking the Paypal button, then we can help ourselves to the cookies and milk. :) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Lizzie2 on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:05pm Hmmm now I have an automatic bookmark in my browser for http://www.clusterheadaches.com/wwwboard/index.html Starting this morning I was able to get on the board just by clicking on my usual bookmark bar - I have Safari browser. It's the same look as always - links on the left and all. Then I read the instructions George posted and tried it just to see what would happen, and I was able to get in without a problem. Maybe Kirk is right afterall - Mac is letting me in somehow without problems once DJ lifted the one message from last night. Hugz, Carrie :) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Lizzie2 on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:21pm Aw $hit - that was workiing fine for me until I reloaded the board to read any updates and suddenly it went wonky and gave me that Stop page! So then I went back in my history and found the cgi-bin and went with that straight to the general board. I, too, am starting to wonder if we are supposed to be here yet! Hugz, Carrie :) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by CostaRicaKris on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:27pm I didn't do anything wrong. Well, regarding this anyway, but I do feel a bit sneaky. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by George_J on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:38pm Still working fine. Again, I dunno. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by MinxKittten on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:38pm Does anybody know what happened???? i missed any nasty post that caused all this. on other forums that post on, when someone acts up, moderator, locks the post, and bans the offender or something like that. musta been pretty bad....for the 2 day reprimand??? i'm bummed that it came to that :-/ |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Charlie on Apr 22nd, 2008, 10:51pm I got the message yesterday for several hours. I didn't have to sneak in since last night. Damn. I missed out on all the skirmishes too. Rats. >:( Charlie http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/group hug.gif |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Mrs Deej on Apr 23rd, 2008, 12:24am on 04/22/08 at 22:27:05, CostaRicaKris wrote:
And for the most part everyone else didn't either. HOWEVER, the "situation" of which everyone thinks the board went down, is not the only reason. We understand that this place is a sanctuary, if you will, for many, and taking it down means closing the doors to a "safe" place, for that we are truely sorry. However, there are times, when needed, that you step back and observe the community and the actions that are taking place, no matter who it involves. I have never seen more fellowship then I have witnessed here, however, when someone or a situation is thrown under the bus many people turn the blind eye and walk the other way until it's too late. Think about why you are here, why you want to know the people here, and why this board was put up. TO HELP OTHERS!! (I think these words have been spoken before...) Should the board have been taken down, maybe, maybe not, but noone here is to make that call except one. Should there be arguments on a board where there is suffering, no. Should someone step in and stop it all, yes. The one person that controls the lights in this place isn't the only person that can step in without making rifts. Having a little pride and protection for not only your "safe" place but for the people here is EVERYONES responsibility...that's what family is about. When you see something that isn't right, take a moment and re-evaluate the situation, don't be the kid who turns around when there is a fight in the hall. Everyone talks about grabbing that oar...we all use the same oar. Much love and respect... :-* I will have DJ look into the problem that some are having with the "front door", I too, saw the same problem. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Annette on Apr 23rd, 2008, 12:46am on 04/23/08 at 00:24:28, Mrs Deej wrote:
You are so gentle Steph, " turn the blind eye and walk the other way " ? Some jumped in and reversed the bus over a couple more times ! Most however, does not want to get involved and for that I do understand. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by LeLimey on Apr 23rd, 2008, 3:07am Steph you and DJ did nothing wrong. The doors NEEDED to be shut no matter what the cost because as you said, if people don't realise the importance of this place then they start to take it for granted. Whilst I missed "home" dreadfully I have to say I for one was glad you took the action you did and I hope people sat up and took notice. "Home" might be a place we can be safe but it's also somewhere we shouldn't come into with filthy boots on and traipse muck and swill everywhere. Thanks to you and DJ for all you do. Helen |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Paul98 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 5:01am I had said my peace but things had progressed to the point that words fell on deaf ears so the reminder DJ put up was a good thing. Helping others is what this place is all about to me. Having a little fun is part of it too. ;) -P. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by LeLimey on Apr 23rd, 2008, 5:34am on 04/23/08 at 05:01:06, Paul98 wrote:
Bingo. humph.. said something nice to Paul so it's time to kick the cat - AGAIN! |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Tara Ann on Apr 23rd, 2008, 6:33am I'm just so glad to have a place called home and family again! I hope this doesn't happen again... It was definately a wake up and smell the coffee lesson! We all need eachother and also need to respect eachother. Plus we need to always remember that we are all different people, in lots of different degrees. Lots of times we need to remember the old "agree to disagree". I have appreciated DJ's work to create this haven since the day I found it and I can't thank him enough. I love ya'll and I would miss all my ch fam terribly if I lost this place to go. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Argonaut on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:30am Before I post, let me make it clear that I am simply stating an opinion on how I felt about the decision to close the board. I'm not intending to start a fight or make personal attacks because I appreciate all the work that goes into this site. That being said, while I understand it is important to reinforce the value of this board as a resource, I don't think it was fair to penalise all members due to a minority were taking CH.com for granted and forgetting its purpose as a support board. In my opinion, closing threads and banning the trouble-makers would send out an equally clear message, as well as specifically targeting those responsible. Anyways, that's just my 2c on the matter. Hopefully this board won't shut again soon ;;D |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by seasonalboomer on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:37am on 04/23/08 at 07:30:19, Argonaut wrote:
My 2 cents.... I think Deej should have shut it down for a week. What was happening the day before was a friggin travesty and you can say all you want about the cycllical nature of the flare ups, there were new lows reached that day and Deej's action was right on and probably not enough to make the point. Everyone can either choose to treat this sandbox as children would or as cat's would - their choice........ Still disgusted by last week. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by CostaRicaKris on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:46am Thanks Steph - I understand what you are saying. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by John Michael Smith on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:53am on 04/23/08 at 03:07:49, LeLimey wrote:
I know they didn't. I am a little more miffed by the fact that those steps had to be taken. I don't know all of the details, nor do I care to know them. But I am not happy at all. Glad its back up and running though. I'm not a huge fan of the social aspect, but the resources and help that are here, should never, not be available to people who NEED them. The message on the front door was very clear and hopefully it sank in for every one. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Annette on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:57am on 04/23/08 at 07:30:19, Argonaut wrote:
I sincerely thank DJ and Steph for closing down the board as a way to inform everyone what sort of conduct is allowed here. DJ had closed many threads before and trouble makers when banned can simply come back registered under a different name if they so wish. Steph said it very well, if we consider this place home then we ALL have the responsibility to help clean up any mud and spills. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BarbaraD on Apr 23rd, 2008, 9:06am Ok, now I'm over the withdrawal.... Don't know what happened, but DJ is the "last" word on everything that happens on this board and I respect whatever he decides. And I do agree with him that we need to think over why we're here -- to help and support each other. We may not always agree, but we need to leave personalities out of things (with a few exceptions like Helen and Jonny and maybe Chewy ;) ) and get back to the original meaning of the board. B$ is fine but we don't need to bash anyone. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Rosybabe on Apr 23rd, 2008, 9:14am I missed you all!! :( |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by AussieBrian on Apr 23rd, 2008, 9:22am on 04/23/08 at 07:37:17, seasonalboomer wrote:
Let's carve that in stone. Good onya, Deej. B. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by mc_ashes on Apr 23rd, 2008, 9:41am Something I wrote (email) to another member when I found the door shut... It expresses the importance of this place to me. "I'm concerned about the CH.com message board shutdown, do you have any indication of when it will come back? ... [cut speculation as to why] ... I'd hate to see such a valuable resource go away because of that kind of thing, at the same time I recognize the value of giving everyone a time-out to think about the purpose of the site. If it makes a difference to anyone (leadership of CH.com) you have my permission to forward this to whomever to let them know that, as a representative newbie who still has a lot to learn about the condition that bears down on all of us who gather at CH.com, I view CH.com as a highly valued one-of-a-kind resource, and on some levels more valuable than what the medical profession has to offer. Here's the way it works for me, I learn from CH.com those things that I lobby for at the medical professionals office, and thereby I am able to influence the course of my treatment for Cluster Headaches. CH.com has given me back some control over the demon and how he's battled. This is highly important to me and something I thought was out of reach before I found CH.com. I'll bet a lot of other folks feel the same way newbies and old timers." The exchange/knowledge here is something I can't afford to lose... it's donation time. ;) Mark |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by deltadarlin on Apr 23rd, 2008, 9:45am Believe it or not, Annette, it's relatively easy to ban people (unless they are on dial-up and that still can be done~carries somewhat of a risk though). Maybe what would work even better is *shunning*! The Amish have used it for years and it works perfectly well. When a post is put up that someone finds offensive, ignore it, don't post on it, don't respond, yada yada yada. When that particular poster posts again, even if it's a non-offensive post, that poster is ignored by the community. Otherwise, we need a *report to moderator* button. Yes, we are adults, but we are also human. Given that, people do/say/post stupid sh!t without thinking of the potential problems/consequences that could occur. THINK before you post, pause before you hit send! And always keep in mind, if you wouldn't say it to a person if you were standing face to face with them, you damned sure don't need to post it. I'm reposting this from the Canon forum and this is good. I don't think I am the only one to notice that disagreements online can erupt spectacularly, conflicts are a fact of life on the net whether it's in a chatroom or on a forum such as this, disagreements and hurt feelings can strike almost without warning, and become personal and heated with seemingly little or no provocation. Many times I have found myself in discussions with friends about why this might happen. Advancing theories to try to gain an understanding of what might trigger such powerful reactions. I still occasionally find myself surprised at the way flame wars can grow out of hand merely because someone has read a thread or comment in a totally different way to me, and if I am the writer of the said piece I am amazed at the way in which motivations and meanings can be twisted so far away from my intent as to be almost laughable. Yet to the person flaming or objecting my comments are indeed very real to them, and have provoked a visceral reaction. There are a number of reasons to explain why conflict may be heightened online. One is the absence of visual and auditory cues. When we talk to someone in person, we see their facial expressions, their body language, and hear their tone of voice. Someone can say the exact same thing in a number of different ways, and that usually effects how we respond to their remarks. Calling someone a prick for example can be either a fond amused comment to a friend or a gross insult, face to face it is far easier to determine which of those meanings the word holds since one could assume a smile and fond chuckle, perhaps even an accompanying touch of the hand would clearly show no offence was intended. In online communications, we have no visual or auditory cues to help us to decipher the intent, meaning, and tone of the messenger. All we have are the words on a computer screen, and how we hear those words in our head. While people who know each other have a better chance at accurately understanding each other's meaning and intentions, even they can have arguments online that they would not have in-person. The truth is, how we read text, often says more about ourselves than it does about the message or the messenger. All of our communications, online and in real-time, are filled with projections. We perceive the world through our expectations, needs, desires, fantasies, and feelings, and we project those onto other people. For example, if we expect people to be critical of us, we perceive other people's communication as being critical - it sounds critical to us even though it may not be. We do the same thing online; in fact we are more likely to project when we are online precisely because we don't have the visual or auditory cues to guide us in our interpretations. How we "hear" an email or post is how we hear it in our own heads, which may or may not reflect the tone or attitude of the sender. The onus is upon the writer to try to be explicit in their choice of words and expressions to clearly communicate their tone for that posting. Using emoticons and <action> type text structures can often help to identify the writer's emotions and set the tone of the message. Conflict can be heightened online by what is known as the "disinhibition effect", a phenomenon that psychologist, Dr. John Suler, has written extensively about. Suler writes, "It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." It's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes. Or they show unusual acts of kindness and generosity. On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language and harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats." (Suler, 2002) Suler explains that the disinihibition effect is caused by or heightened by the following features of online communication: a ) anonymity - no one knows who you are on the net, and so you are free to say whatever you want without anyone knowing it's you who said it. b ) invisibility - you don't have to worry about how you physically look or sound to other people when you say something. You don't have to worry about how others look or sound when you say something to them. "Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express." (Suler, 2002) c ) delayed reactions - you can say anything you think and feel without censorship at any time, including in the middle of the night when you're most tired and upset, leave immediately without waiting for a response, and possibly never return - in the extreme this can feel to someone like an emotional "hit and run". d ) the perception that the interaction is happening in your head - with the absence of visual and auditory cues you may feel as though the interaction is occurring in your head. Everyone thinks all kinds of things about other people in their minds that they would never say to someone's face - online, you can say things you'd otherwise only think. e ) neutralizing of status - in face-to-face interactions, you may be intimidated to say something to someone because of their job, authority, gender, or race. Because this is not visible to you online, you feel freer to say what ever you want to anyone. f ) your own personality style may be heightened online - for example, if your communication style tends to be reactive or angry, you may be more reactive or angry online. I think anyone who has participated in an online forum will know of examples; people reading the same set of posts in very different ways and responding from how they interpreted the writers meaning even when they have been advised that their interpretation was not what the writer intended. I myself have been as guilty of this as anyone, however, in my own writings I do try thru the usage of a *laugh* or *wink* for example to clearly show my mood and tone when writing the post concerned. Those <actions> are as much a part of my meaning as the words contained in the article itself. So how can we try to function online in forums like this or the chatrooms we visit knowing that not everyone is going to either understand or abide to these standards? One of the ways I handle it, is to not always respond straight away, very often I will read something and have a very powerful reaction, at those times, I tend to walk away, give it some space and time before I respond. I may even ignore the main content of the article and focus upon the tone or certain phrases used and ask the writer to clarify for me his/her intentions with the way the post was written. If I have had an extreme reaction I might well write my response there and then, but on notepad rather directly in the forum. I will save it, sleep on it, reread it, see if I still feel the same and only then will I post it. Sometimes, my first reaction to a post is a lot about how I'm feeling at the time. Reading it later, and sometimes a few times, can bring a new perspective. A friend once told me it helped her to read the post again but with different "voices" for example the comic shop geek from the Simpson's, to see if it could have been written with a different tone in mind than the one I initially heard. This one has been very effective for me *chuckles* Discussing both the original post and my reaction to it with someone else can also help, not only could they read and interpret it very differently to me, they will be able to tell me what kind of reaction my reply triggered for them. Another useful thing to remember is that you do not always have to respond! You may be too upset to respond in the way that you would like, or it may not be worthy of a response. If the post is accusatory or inflammatory and the person's style tends to be aggressive or bullying, the best strategy is probably to ignore them, since a response would no doubt only provoke another response from them which would no doubt be even more inflammatory. You don't lose face by choosing to ignore posts. It's always worth trying to remember people are human, they may have had a bad day, written their post without really concentrating, it doesn't mean they have a right to take it out on you or on others, however, if the person isn't normally known for posting in that style, it might be worth, giving them a chance to modify it, before you respond to it. Try to stick to using "I" or in other words own your own stuff; make sure you speak for yourself and not for others, don't assume that you can know with any degree of accuracy how someone else thinks or feels about the issues. I certainly don't like being told what I meant by my post, because 99.9% of the time, that is NOT what I meant or felt at all. I have no objection to someone asking me, but don't TELL me. At the same time I will add that it is more than acceptable for you to tell me how you felt on reading my post, or my tone was heard by you. That gives me an opportunity to try to clarify things for you. I choose my words carefully and thoughtfully, particularly when I'm upset, often the person I am replying to may not read my post for some time, and they may not have an opportunity to respond to my remarks straight away, yet others will have been reading and commenting about them in their absence. I can still be real and honest while being selective, if my remarks are intended to sting, then I am usually pretty good in expressing that. This is also very much about taking responsibility for my own actions and words, if I want to wound, then I have to understand that there could well be a response, and am I seeking that and capable of handling that? Whilst in the main I have addressed conflicts on a forum many of the techniques I find useful do make the transition to chatrooms, very often I will simply log out during a chat fight and go back when I am calmer and ask the person directly what they meant by their remarks, at other times, rather than get into the name calling instant finger flying reaction, I will sit and type out a detailed response and ignore the insults flying on screen. Handling conflict constructively is hard at the best times, and it can be even harder online. It can take a great deal of effort, care, and thoughtfulness to address differences, tensions, and conflicts online. Paradoxically, some of the same things that contribute to heightened conflict online can contribute to peaceful resolutions as well. The Internet is an ideal place to practice communication and conflict resolution skills. Just as the absence of visual and auditory cues, the anonymity, invisibility, delayed reactions, and neutralizing of status free us to say what ever negative thing we want, they can also free us to try new, and more positive communication styles and to take all the time we need to do that. As with any new technology, the Internet can be used to enhance our personal growth and relationships, or to alienate us from each other. It's our choice. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by superhawk2300 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:07am Steph, I hear what you are saying about "turning a blind eye" but my experiences here has led me to such a state. Before I left years ago I didn't turn the blind eye and helped out someone being ganged up on. All it got me was ganged up on, people siting me as a troll, people ripping on pcitures of my kids, and in the end someone accused me of being a potential FREEKIN PEDOPHILE, which is of course purposterous to anyone who has known me for even a few minutes. And the worst I have tried to do here is respectfully speak my mind. When being attacked by one of the several cliques here it can be daunting to get a word in edgewise without it being twisted around. Hell employers google people now and beleive it or not these messages show up in google search. I wonder how many job opportunites I missed because of the BS and liable on here. But people don't seem to care - it is about defending your clique and paying hommage to the self-proclaimed rulers. The bottom line to me is that there is a large percentage of people who are here for the BS and nothing more. Just look at the percentage of posts people place in this section as opposed to the ones that have to do this CH or treatment. Just look at the numebr of people who no longer actualy are sufferers (not had a CH in years or decades) that are very active here. Look at the number of members here and look at how many have stayed. That is a lot of people who have decided it is better to suffer CH alone than here, which is a travisty. I am not advocting a "dress code" so to speak, but when people here take up behavior here that would get them thrown out of a corner-biker bar in real life, it isn't "keeping it real" or whatever badge of courage they wear it as. It is keeping it real A-hole-ish. It isn't against the law to be an A-hole but places of business, even fast food resturants, do not cater to people behaving in such a manner. Why should this "family" except anything less? Expecting better than being an A-hole (even if that is whay you really are) isn't censorship or liberalism or PC or anything like that. Expecting people act to a level that a fast food chain would expect is bare minimum to keep my attention. The funny thing is the people who would have a problem with this "infrigement" are the ones who hold themselvs in the highest regard IMO. I don't know what caused the shutdown - I've been keeping to the actual CH thrads as much as possible and I must admit my attendence has begun to wane again already, which is too bad as I miss several people here and want to know several more better, but the wading through this BS is just to tireing and I have a wonderful life outside of here so the time trade off is a loser for me. Maybe all political / religious talk should be banned. I ran a football message board that was much like this. Eventually there were more posts on politics and religion than football. I then created a seperate website (not just a seperate area) for politics and the number of hits on the football site dropped to half, but those that were left could actually talk about football and it was much better. That said there are many wonderful people here and I consider myself lucky to have spoken with them. In short, "turning a blind eye" has allowed me to stay here and maintain contact with the people I want in my life. I value those people, I share with those people and I get to support those people (in messages and by sending care packages, send them work in the real world, etc) adn be supported by them. If I were to take up arms against injustice again I fear it would cost too much in time and energy and I would lose it all again. I guess it is all the way one looks at it. Peace to all that want it. I have nothing for those that don't. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Rosebuddy on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:08am I'm certainly glad the board is back! I did figure out, finally, how to get in without the "front door" being open, but not before I was feeling a little panicky. I am through with this cycle I think, and once again failed to get the oxygen! I was counting on this info being available next time, though, so I could go to see a neuro heavily armed! I guess I better print everything off in case my next cycle, if there is one, comes at another shut down. Anyway, glad you are all back and I hope there were no casualties. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by superhawk2300 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:12am Delta, Great stuff, all true. Can apply to everyday interactions as well. But until the people with intentions that are contrary to the stated purpose of this message board are dealt with we will alway find ourselves back in this same spot. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Paul98 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:15am on 04/23/08 at 05:34:15, LeLimey wrote:
Uh, Oh! A trouble maker!!! ::) :-* -P. (as I quietly tip-toes away from the keyboard un-noticed [smiley=grin2.gif]) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Lizzie2 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:42am Has anyone noticed that there have been a number of posts by either newbies or those who don't post often on this thread about the distress of having the board shut down? I notice daily at any given time there are sometimes 30 guests viewing the board. I suspect there are MANY people here who just read, but do not actively participate in discussions, who find this board a lifesaver as well. The rest of us loudmouths <grin> need to remember that this is a home for everyone. With the site having been temporarily shut down the other night, it hurt more than just those quarreling or whatever happened, since I never saw the thread or event in question. If someone is having a bad night of CH or new to the condition or simply needs a friend in a BIG way, we need to make sure this site is here for them. Therefore I urge all of you to think before you post, me included. It helps to reread what you write and imagine how others may perceive it. We are a wonderful family, and I love it here. But Deej is right - the fighting has to stop. Hugz, Carrie :) |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Sandy_C on Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:57am Deej and Steph. You absolutely did the right thing by closing the message boards. I wasn't here over the weekend, and didn't see what apparently was a major flame war. Frankly, I don't care who was involved, just know this. This place is NOT the place for this crap. Take it outside. That being said.... This place is like a championship basketball team with Deej as the coach. If a couple of his players get in a row, other teammates either take sides or walk away. Coach no longer has a team. The coach, if he wants to have his players work as a team again, has only one option. Nobody plays at all until they work together. I tried logging in on Monday and found DJ's message. I didn't try any back doors or windows, I waited. I tried again yesterday morning, coming right in the front door, and here I was. Yesterday afternoon, the front door was closed again, so I waited. This morning, I walked in the front door again. Should DJ decide to close it again, I again will wait. It's DJ's front door. If it's locked, I'll wait until he invites me in again. Sandy |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by George_J on Apr 23rd, 2008, 11:43am There is an old truism that any group consisting of more than seven people will inevitably break into factions. Whether or not seven is the critical number, those of us who spend significant time here will agree, I'm sure, that we're considerably more than the number required for factionalism to develop. It's a simple fact of human interaction, and no matter how strenuously we decry it, it will happen. Unity of purpose can galvanize larger numbers of people to unified action, but only for a limited time, and only for a limited purpose. It's not bad or good, it just is. Interacting with other people is like herding cats. That being said, it is possible to recognize that factionalism will develop, and make efforts to minimize its effects. A person can develop and maintain friendly relations with people across the spectrum, keeping the "golden rule" firmly in mind. And those friendly relationships develop over time--year by year, day by day, word by word. By listening and doing, consistently, a person increases the chance that he or she may be listened to during times of stress, when personal conflicts come to the forefront. Perhaps I have not always done this, and if so, mea culpa. I continue to learn. As an autonomous individual, I continue to fail to control what other people may say or do, despite my best efforts over many years. ;) The effects I can have are limited--but instead of contributing something said in anger to an inflammatory thread, it could be that I can call upon the friendships I've developed to send a timely PM to each of the persons involved in a controversy to suggest that perhaps a line is being crossed that might better be left alone. If I get wind that something is coming down the pike (and people do talk to me) I might suggest to the persons involved that they consider carefully before acting rashly. Sure--when tempers are hot, saying something like that can be like stepping into a chainsaw, but hey--it's between me and the other person, and it's not spread all over the board to add to the looming calamity. Bad stuff can develop very quickly. Sometimes I'm not here to see the train wreck, and sometimes (and I doubt that I'm the only one) I just ignore the ominous signs because I figure that it's a pissing match--but it's not my pissing match. In light of Steph's request that we help to keep our own house clean, I will make a greater effort to try to deflect the course of a developing fight, within the limits of what I can do. I'll try not to be the person who ignores the fight in the schoolyard. In practice and in fact, it's not much--but I will try. All the best, George |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by artonio7 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 1:05pm As Cluster headache sufferers... we have become fine tuned to every nuance, twitch, or subtle feeling that we experience prior to an attack... some of us can recognize a subtle difference in our breathing, the way our skin feels, even the way our eye blinks on the effected side prior to an attack. We have trained ourselves to pay very close attention to the signals our body is sending us... probably more-so in this group than in most others. That being said... if logic tells us that we are capable of that type of "AWARENESS" then it follows that we are also capable of recognizing when we are about to step over the line and allow the beast known as ego to engage in attacking someone on the board. We call CH a beast... we see it as a force separate from ourselves and we have learned how to do battle with him. Is it that much of a stretch to see our EGO's as something similar? For instance... if while in cycle with ch some of us know better than to have a piece of chocolate or would never consider having a beer because we know a KIP 10 will soon follow... this is simple cause and effect. Compare the pain of a KIP 10 with a flame war... it wreaks the same spiritual havoc and leaves those in it's wake reeling in pain. Starting a personal attack on anyone is like having a convention of ch sufferers and feeding them all the foods that trigger a Kip 10. When I feel the Ego beast starting to emerge I try to become aware of what is happening... and simply step away from the situation... and if physically removing myself is not an option... the next best thing is to not react. I can't say that I'm always successful but the effort has done much more good than harm. with warm regards, Tony |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 23rd, 2008, 1:10pm on 04/23/08 at 10:57:48, Sandy_C wrote:
Exactly, Sandy, thats exactly how i feel. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by sandie99 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 2:29pm I'm not going to lie: this is one of my lifelines. I'm grateful that it's still here. I already missed you all... Sanna |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by KingOfPain on Apr 23rd, 2008, 3:21pm on 04/23/08 at 10:07:56, superhawk2300 wrote:
I agree, it is a travesty & it negates the whole purpose of this site. My [smiley=twocents.gif] . |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by kcopelin on Apr 23rd, 2008, 4:22pm Is this a rhetorical question? I mean, we weren't suppossed to be here when the door was closed but now we are. I think. I missed the drama. Actually, my friends, I've had enough of the drama to last a life time. Henceforth, I'll stick to the Ch specific portions of this board, and if it gets shut down again because folks can't behave like civilized human beings, guess I'll go it alone. So whoever pissed in DJs cereal, shame on youse! kathy |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Karla on Apr 23rd, 2008, 4:41pm Oh I am so happy the locksmith came and let us back into our home!! Thanks DJ! Not sure what all happened but glad it was addressed and dealt with and that we are now allowed to play nice again. Boy I missed this place. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Melissa on Apr 23rd, 2008, 4:56pm Well, I guess I'm just a deviant... :-/ |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by superhawk2300 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 6:36pm I for one think the solution is simpler. I imagine the flame war was taken down by now, which seems reasonable. But my concious view is that is should be put up. In fact it should be made a sticky! Let everyone see what got everyone locked out and let them see it on a daily basis. Let those who were involved take "personal responsibility" (with that phrase in mind I hope no one involved was a republican!). Then when things start to get out of hand again someone just needs to point to the sticky and clear their throats - "a-hem". Let the issue take care of itself, not bury it so it can keep happening. Hidding and denying it happened won't help in my opinon. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 23rd, 2008, 6:41pm Quote:
OH HELL NO!!!!!!!! The majority of us who DID see it, and were sick to our stomach by it would protest in numbers. Bad enough to see it the first time. YUCK! |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by deltadarlin on Apr 23rd, 2008, 6:46pm on 04/23/08 at 18:41:48, Linda_Howell wrote:
Amen! |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by mezza on Apr 23rd, 2008, 6:57pm Superhawk- I have read your posts and I agree as well as admire your courage to address this! I too believe in transparency - :) Thanks- Kelly |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by deltadarlin on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:18pm on 04/23/08 at 18:36:48, superhawk2300 wrote:
I can understand your reasoning here, but let's *pretend* that *post* was libelous and could get someone sued or what if it were somebody posting really really bad medical information (could also get sued). You really can't do that and none of the message boards that I'm a admin/mod/member of would allow any type of post like that to stay up. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by PollyPocket on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:18pm Thanks DJ, for crankin up the carousel again. Now everyone stop bitch slapping the person next to you cuz their horsey went faster. We're all on the same ride. my [smiley=twocents.gif] |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by karma on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:30pm An apology from the two offenders would be a great way to put this thing to bed. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:40pm on 04/23/08 at 19:30:45, karma wrote:
I wouldn't hold your breath, sweetie. I think we'd have a better chance of playing pick-up sticks with our butt cheeks. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by Jonny on Apr 23rd, 2008, 7:49pm on 04/23/08 at 19:30:45, karma wrote:
Cool! Im sorry that someone posted that I was a predetor, that was stalking someone and I had restraning orders aginst me. All personal LIES!!!! Im most sorry that I took this to jihad here and had the place closed down, I should have took it to DJ to avoid all this mess. I do not take pesonal lies on a public board lightly! Im sorry for you alls inconvinence. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by artonio7 on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:01pm on 04/23/08 at 19:40:48, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
::) I think you are mistaken. with warm regards, Tony |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by chewy on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:02pm Sorry board was taken down folks. Especially to any newbies seeking help. There you have it. The end. |
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Title: Re: Are we supposed to be here? Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 23rd, 2008, 8:05pm on 04/23/08 at 20:01:52, artonio7 wrote:
Jedi mind trick, bro, and Jonny played right into my hands. http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/CEscobar/yoda.jpg Help you I can, hmmmm. |
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