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        Daily Chat >> Funnies and Jokes >> Pearls of Wisdom
        
(Message started by: Redd on Oct 25^th, 2007, 6:42pm)

Title: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by Redd on Oct 25^th, 2007, 6:42pm

1. There are two sides to every divorce...Yours and meathead's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,"Thyroid problem?"

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. A sign In a Japanese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea'.

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect!

16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer

Brains'.

18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke

and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words... "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

26. Sex isn't everything, it's just way ahead of whatever's in second place.

Title: Re: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by Shedz on Oct 25^th, 2007, 6:44pm

;;D ;;D ;;D ;;D ;;D ;;D ;;D

Title: Re: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by phil_h on Oct 26^th, 2007, 7:18am

[smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif]

Title: Re: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by LeLimey on Oct 26^th, 2007, 6:14pm

on 10/25/07 at 18:42:05, Redd wrote:

1. There are two sides to every divorce...Yours and meathead's.

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

26. Sex isn't everything, it's just way ahead of whatever's in second place.

My favourites! ;;D

Title: Re: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by MR_FLOOR on Oct 26^th, 2007, 9:09pm

;;D ;;D ;;D

Title: Re: Pearls of Wisdom
Post by sandie99 on Nov 2^nd, 2007, 4:03am

;;D ;;D ;;D

My fave:

Quote:

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

I actually got a mug with that text last Christmas!

Sanna