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        Daily Chat >> Funnies and Jokes >> Correct Australian Etiquette
        
(Message started by: Barry_T_Coles on Mar 11^th, 2007, 11:30pm)

Title: Correct Australian Etiquette
Post by Barry_T_Coles on Mar 11^th, 2007, 11:30pm

IN GENERAL

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at
them.

3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude
to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour
slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one
hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good
his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done
in private, using one's OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few
days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters
the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw
attention away from your jewellery.

DATING

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the
first date.

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the
dunny door two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back.
Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday."

If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

CINEMA ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop
in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered
out of place)

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a
cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky
appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the
occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your
gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo
bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's
impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.