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        Daily Chat >> Funnies and Jokes >> If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
        
(Message started by: tanner on Dec 15^th, 2006, 2:32pm)

Title: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
Post by tanner on Dec 15^th, 2006, 2:32pm

>If Santa actually answered his mail honestly.... Dear Santa I wud like
>a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
> yer Frend,
> BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
> How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and
>write?
> I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
>spell!
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> peace and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love,
> Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
> Love
> Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> frigid mom,who rides his ass constantly?
> It's time to give up that dream.
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
> Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love,
> Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay,I'll set you
> up with a Barbie.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
> your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
> riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
> Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
> toys?
> Your friend,
> Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,where I spend
> most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
> losing money at the craps table.
> Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> awake, like in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
> I'm skipping your house.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
> PLEASE could I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
> a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
> the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa

Title: Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
Post by E-Double on Dec 31^st, 2006, 10:38am

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
Post by TonyG1 on Dec 31^st, 2006, 8:41pm

These are great !! I really enjoyed the one about the boogeyman !! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: If Santa actually answered his mail honestly
Post by sandie99 on Jan 13^th, 2007, 6:41am

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]