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        Daily Chat >> Funnies and Jokes >> Saint John Kerry
        
(Message started by: tanner on Jun 24th, 2006, 2:31pm)
Title: Saint John Kerry
Post by tanner on Jun 24th, 2006, 2:31pm
Cardinal Sermon for John Kerry

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D.C., Senator John Kerry's campaign manager visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that John Kerry would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Kerry a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No, I don't really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Kerry's views.

Kerry's manager then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and
now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Kerry as a saint"

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Kerry's manager promised, Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Senator Kerry's
presence is probably an honor to some, he is not my favorite person. Some of his views are contrary to those of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other views. John Kerry is a petty, self absorbed hypocrite and a nit-wit. John Kerry is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. John Kerry is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally witnessed. He turned on his buddies in Viet Nam. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal. He married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here, in Washington, and in Massachusetts. He simply isn't to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Kerry with, "But, when compared to Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint."




... now I want you all to know that I was going to post this to the General Board when I first recieved it so that more people would see it. My wife being the good person that she is told me that would be mean! I recieved it as a joke and that is the only way I should pass it along so she has probably saved me from some major flaming 8)
Title: Re: Saint John Kerry
Post by Jonny on Jun 25th, 2006, 12:58pm
http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/attachment.php?postid=2303203
Title: Re: Saint John Kerry
Post by JeffB on Jun 26th, 2006, 12:30pm
Err a, Kerry is no saint err a. He never drove off a bridge errr a,
Just ask my son Patrick, I should be a saint since my head is three times bigger than Barry Bonds....errr a ....Some one get me a drink and some wh..res to drown err a.  
Title: Re: Saint John Kerry
Post by zwibbs/Scott on Jun 26th, 2006, 12:55pm

on 06/26/06 at 12:30:19, JeffB wrote:
Err a, Kerry is no saint err a. He never drove off a bridge errr a,
Just ask my son Patrick, I should be a saint since my head is three times bigger than Barry Bonds....errr a ....Some one get me a drink and some wh..res to drown err a.  

                                                                                                                                                                                           Wait a minute here----Are you telling me that the good senator from Massachusetts is on steroids ?!?!?!
Title: Re: Saint John Kerry
Post by JeffB on Jun 26th, 2006, 1:57pm

on 06/26/06 at 12:55:16, zwibbs/Scott wrote:
                                                                                                                                                                                           Wait a minute here----Are you telling me that the good senator from Massachusetts is on steroids ?!?!?!


Err a, my liver has it's own zip code. Err a I thought that woman was a better swimmer.....err a I haven't seen my penis in 40 years...errr a can I please get some sleepers to eat, err a why do the people of this great state keep electing me?? Err Aa I banged Hillary in a drunken haze eer a she haas the biggest penis I ever saw! Errr a I can't wipe my own aass, I also pee vodka!
Title: Re: Saint John Kerry
Post by zwibbs/Scott on Jun 26th, 2006, 4:17pm

on 06/26/06 at 13:57:11, JeffB wrote:
Err a, my liver has it's own zip code. Err a I thought that woman was a better swimmer.....err a I haven't seen my penis in 40 years...errr a can I please get some sleepers to eat, err a why do the people of this great state keep electing me?? Err Aa I banged Hillary in a drunken haze eer a she haas the biggest penis I ever saw! Errr a I can't wipe my own aass, I also pee vodka!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            LOL !!!! I think he MUST have been drinking Chivas Regal !!!! Not Vodka !!!!


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