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        New Message Board Archives >> Oct-Dec 2003 >> I now understand!
        
(Message started by: BuddyH on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:41am)
Title: I now understand!
Post by BuddyH on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:41am
I am married to Elaine, I think Elaine was the first to take the chance and go on a 3000 mile drive to met people who had clusters. I thought then she had lost her mind and was against her trip. Every time she went on a trip I worried. I would tell her you don’t know these people. You are nuts. Her answer was always, she knew them.
I have met a few of her cluster friends on a one to one base. I enjoyed the visits but still did not understand. Yesterday I went with my wife to Nancy’s.  I watched Nancy run up to the truck her face glowing with excitement and watching that same excited look on Elaine’s face. I watched as she met and hugged each person that arrived. Each one of them had that same excited look on their face. I listen as they all talked.  I heard the different stories. The more I listen the more I watched each of them and saw that glow in their eyes. I realized that you all need each other, that you all have a bond that is wonderful and unbreakable. I felt connected to these people as a supporter. I never thought I needed that connection until yesterday.
For four long years I have not understood, why my wife worked so hard on O.U.C.H., why each one of you mean so much to her.  The people I have met I could not walk away from. I see now that the work she has sat at this computer and done and the phone calls and the chats are much more important to her than I could of thought. Elaine is not only devoted to helping herself but all of you to. I think each one of you learn from each other how to deal with the pain. It kills you that you can’t take the pain from each other. I saw my wife’s face and others when Chuck and Mike were being hit. I saw sadness; I watched the fear in my wife’s eyes. I felt her hand as she took mine and I knew how bad she wanted to help and how helpless she felt.
A Cluster to me was my wife waking in the middle of the night screaming to the top of her voice, me watching her cry and think she was going to die because the pain was too bad to live. Me feeling lost cause I couldn’t stop it. Until yesterday I realized not only was my wife not alone but neither was I.  I know now why all of you are important to Elaine. Now it’s important to me also. I want to get to know each of you and if I can help please let me. I will help anyway I can. I will back my wife and give her more time to do what ever she can to help. I will also be more understanding on her trips, because I will now be with her. If you support someone and you have never been to any of the gatherings, and you don’t understand their need for each other and what the important
Of  O.U.C.H. means, then go to one. It will touch your heart and you will realize not only does your husband or wife need these people but you as a supporter need them also.

Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Edna on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:52am
WOW buddy, seems you met a great group of ppl at nancy's. Glad you have met them and just wanted to let you know that you are a TRUE supporter of more than just Elaine!!!!!!!!!

Your post proves that to us all here.

So glad you had the experience you did with your visit!

hugs to ya,
EDNA
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Patrick_A on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:54am
Awesome Post Buddy, It gave me that feeling that just vibrates down the back!
Your wife is one heckuva lady, and you are a reason for that!
I am soooo looking forward to the Nashville Convention!
Next time, Me, You and Elaine gonna get drunk and Party hard in Nashville!
Gosh, I cant wait for that!

Patrick who feels blessed to have met so many wonderful people!

Thanks Buddy, Elaine, Nancy, Barb, Mikey, Deb, Deb 2, Ernie, Chuck, Brian

Patrick  ;;D
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Mastifflvr28 on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:55am
Buddy,
I agree with Edna, you are more of a supporter then JUST to Elaine!
Can't wait to meet you in Nashville!!!!
Glad ya'll had a great time,
Mast
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Roxy on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:07am
ahhhh Buddy.....wish you and E could come to New Orleans on the 10th!!

Just reading your post made me miss all my clusterbuddies.....the convention just seems too far away now........ :(.

Did E say the words...."Will this help?", in that slow southern drawl while ya'll were at Nancy's?  LOLOLOLOL
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Prense on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:09am
It doesn't get anymore sincere than that...thanks Buddy!

Chris
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Patrick_A on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:10am
No Roxy, Elaine didnt say that. But Buddy did get a "Head Job" from that "Frizzy Bitch" Toby!

Bwahahahaha, Patrick  [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by KingOfPain on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:05pm
What comes to mind is WOW!

Thanks for the great post.

Thank you Buddy, for being there for
Lady Elaine.

Looking forward to meeting you in Nashville.

http://www.deephousepage.com/smilies/driving.gif




KingOfPain/Steve # ?
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Elaine on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:35pm
Buddy your post means a lot to me. Thanks for going. I am glad you understand now. . I enjoyed you being with me. Now I am going to have to put you to work LOL! I love you and without you I couldn't make it day to day.
Does this mean we can go to more of the meetings????
Blinking eyes at ya here.

Buddy is right Supporters your important and you belong go to the meetinging and get to know us. We need your help as much as we clusterheads need each other.

Patrick when I read Buddy your post his repley as "Hell yea wish the convention was tomorrow !"
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by taraann on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:50pm
Wow Awesome Post Buddy!!!!!!  You sound like an incredible husband AND supporter!  Thanks for sharing all of that with us, very very touching.
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by DJ on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:52pm
An absolutely beautiful post Buddy!  THANK YOU!

[smiley=thumb.gif]
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by nancyc on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:53pm
Buddy, as me, Deb and Chuck read your post this morning, we sat there with tears in our eyes...My first question was...how do you put a tear on the mb in reply to Buddy's post????   One valuable thing  that I learned at this gathering that will really stick with me as a sufferer...and that is the POWER of a supporter...After my son left home, I was alone except for Toby..as my family does not live in town...To experience the closeness and awesomeness of Buddy, Kim, Debbie and Barbara as supporters was a life changing experience for me...I have not felt this kind of love from anyone but a clusterhead and my family in a long time..Thank you Supporters for reminding me that you are there for US all!  I thank God for each of you...I feel truly blessed for having met and shared this weekend with you all...It is one thing to share with Supporters on this mb, but to be with them in person, is a real comfort..And to know they are there for each of us...not just their partners...that is the neatest feeling...They love us, guys!  .Buddy, I promise I am coming to see  you and Elaine really soon...that country air sounds good to me,bro!  :Dnancyc ps you missed my cheese eggs..yep, they really exist  ;;D
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by NotH20 on Nov 9th, 2003, 9:22pm
Our supporters already have their angel wings!  

Buddy - you're post was excellent - thank you very much.  I enjoy reading your words - you have a way of putting things down in writing and making EVERYONE that reads them to feel all warm and fuzzie inside.  Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see you again.

Supporters rock!!!!!

Mia
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Tim_w on Nov 9th, 2003, 9:22pm
Buddy
Glad to have you as a suporter!
I hope you know how lucky you are to have a lady like Elaine! and she is lucky to have a suporter like you!
already fill like I know you
hope to met you in Nashville!
Heres wishing some pf time for you and Elaine!
Timw Happy Pappy
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by TxBasslady on Nov 9th, 2003, 9:33pm
;)
Wow Buddy.........what a great post.    

Wish I could have been there to meet all you guys.     8)
Sounds like ya'll had a great time together.

You're a helluva supporter, Buddy, and I know that E means alot to you.  She is such a wonderful lady. Even thru her suffering, she is always here to support.

Thank you E, for the e-mail, and also for the card you sent to me.  I appreciate you more than you will ever know.  Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.

Wishing the best to you and Buddy......and thanks again, for sharing the post, Buddy.

Jean
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Woobie on Nov 10th, 2003, 10:23am
:'( :'( :'( :'(

WOW!!!!

I dont know what else to say - that was beautiful, man!


tina   :-*
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Mikey on Nov 10th, 2003, 11:40am
WOW Buddy, i'm at a complete loss of words....... :'( :'(
Thank God that Elaine has you!!

You were a very nice man to meet Buddy, and can't wait to see ya again!!

Mikey,  [smiley=me&mb.gif]
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by CathiP on Nov 10th, 2003, 11:54am
Buddy...your words really touched my heart. I have been here about a year and a half now. I was directed here by an old friend, by way of explanation of this affliction. I got sucked in, and I have made some great friendships while traveling this road. I wish I had been a part of the Cacalacky Conflagration....but I have been told I live on the wrong coast....I like to think I was the fly on the wall....and I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the bunch of you post your lil tidbit of that weekend.......(Mikey...anything YOU wanna tell?)
It's not easy, sitting, knowing a friend is in pain, and there is nothing that can be done. I realize I have no clue how hard it is to deal with Clusters....but I know humans, and I know that the contact, the comeraderie, the laughter between the pain must be a good thing.
To those I have met, and those I will meet in the future, I wish you all PF.......it is the very least you deserve.
Buddy, again, thank you for a wonderful, touching post....Elaine....he's a keeper...but I'll bet you know that!
Cathi
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Peppermint on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:20pm
Your heartfelt words Buddy are so touching to read.  So glad you shared your experience.  
Looks like you'll be traveling alot in the future... :)

Cathi, thanks for your post, its close to home.  

Love,
Pepper
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Tiannia on Nov 10th, 2003, 1:03pm
That was awesome Buddy. I still have not gotten my husband to even log on this site and read yet.  He does not think that it will help him at all to try and deal with me dealing this this damn aweful beast.  This last weekend we got into a huge fight because I had shut down pretty much emotionally, to try and make it so that my family (and especially him) did not have to deal with me being in pain. That really hurt him, but I was only trying to not cause him pain for not being able to help me.  I wish he would understand that there are people here, like you and others, who could maybe give him a place to vent and find ways to help.  This is new to us, and after everything else we have had to deal with, I know that both of us are still extremely anrgy that this has now happened, but he will not share that with me, because he thinks that it is protecting me.   :'(

Sorry for rambling, You are a very very special soul and those around you are very lucky.

Tiannia
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Mikey on Nov 10th, 2003, 2:24pm
Well Cathi, nothing that hasn't already been said, except for i'm glad that Chuck did'nt have that twinkle in his eye for me like Toby the dog did  [smiley=crackup.gif]Chuck had that twinkle for Brian!! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Toby gave Buddy a head job, and then fell in love with my arm!!...LMMFAO... [smiley=JAW_DROP.gif]

Mikey,  ;;D
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Margi on Nov 10th, 2003, 3:32pm
Aw, Buddy - I'm SO glad you've finally had a chance to experience what just can't be put into words.  The immediate commonality and comfort is amazing, isn't it?

VERY happy for you!!  

http://www.deephousepage.com/smilies/grouphug.gif  nuthin like clusterbuds, is there?
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by 9erfan on Nov 10th, 2003, 5:29pm
What a great post Buddy!

It sounds like you had a wonderful time this weekend.  You & Elaine are lucky to have one another.  I hope to meet you in Nashville.

Virginia
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Ree on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:00pm
 awwwwwwww Buddy... your post is so touching.  I am so glad Elaine has you.  I know that you are 99% of the reason that Elaine fights her illnesses like she does.  When we were at the convention in NY and she talked about you there was such a twinkle in her eye it was evident that the love that you guys have is so real...
 I came here for Dave as support for him and found such a family I couldnt stay away if I tried to, at this point... At first he didnt get it either... When we all came together at the convention, he realized that we were brought together by a force bigger than just the condition that got us here... As Margi says this commonality is part of it but I believe our Maker had a part in it all... If it is such a rare disorder after all only 1% of the population is supposed to have it... I think HE wanted us to all suffer together, to ease our pain... So we all found each other.  I know that sounds like a fairy tale but its what I believe.
 I am so glad you guys had a chance to get away and be with people that she loves so dearly and meet some new ones too... Looking forward to meeting you myself...  my fathers name is Buddy and so is my brother's...  thanks for the awesome post Elaine is lucky to have you... love Ree
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by pubgirl on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:02pm
Buddy
You lovely man.

Have you got a brother who is single and fancies emigrating?

Annie
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Prense on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:09pm
Careful...he might have a gun!   ;;D
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Just Deb on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:10pm
BIG hug, Buddy. Your post meant the world to me.
I hope one day my husband can experience what you have come to know.
Can't wait to see you guys again.
Just Deb
PS, Why Little Deb?
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by pubgirl on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:11pm
Then Annie won't have to "go get it"
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Cerberus on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:20pm
Whats in a name?.......................


    Buddy.  .........'nuff said ;)


Ramon
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by stevegeebe on Nov 10th, 2003, 9:02pm
Home Run Buddy.  Out of the Park.

Thanks Elaine.

When my wife gets home tomorrow, I'll show her your post.   It will clarify what some Supporters have a hard time understanding, and that, along with all the other strange stuff we do.  What an overload.

Sometimes the view ain't so bad...keep looking up.

Great post Buddy.

Steve G
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Just Deb on Nov 10th, 2003, 9:19pm
Steve,
I showed it to my other half.  Guess my expectations were too high.
Didn't seem to clarify anything :( :( :( :( :'( :'(
Hope you have better luck.
Deb
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by KimM on Nov 10th, 2003, 9:42pm
Can't quite find words worthy of a reply to such a wonderful post.  Yanked on my heart pretty hard there.
Thank you Buddy.  I really enjoyed meeting you, all of you.  I needed that!   :)

Kim
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Elaine on Nov 10th, 2003, 10:03pm
There is one draw back to your supporter coming here.
They want to use your computer  ::)
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by ClusterChuck on Nov 10th, 2003, 10:11pm
Elaine, sounds like you now have a Christmas present to buy!

Chuck

(Buddy, MAYBE "You're getting a Dell!")
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Tiannia on Nov 10th, 2003, 10:42pm
Thank you for the PM Buddy.  I REALLY Needed that.
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Big_Dan on Nov 10th, 2003, 11:49pm
Great post, Buddy....

That's something that can be printed and given to anyone that ever asks a clusterhead just WHY they go to meet other clusterpeople.

Thanks, Man.... You rock.



-Big Props
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by nancyc on Nov 11th, 2003, 12:09am
I crown Buddy as King Supporter In the SOUTHEAST REGION...and as Queen Supporters, it is a tie between Kim, Barb and Debbie (Ernie's wife)... ;;Dnancyc  PS...dont give up , Little Deb...also, you got mail.
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Callico_Kid on Nov 11th, 2003, 1:04am
Buddy,

Thanks!

jc
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by suzy617 on Nov 11th, 2003, 3:50am
Great post Buddy.  So glad you have experienced the awesome feeling of being together with a bunch of the peeps. My experience at the last convention was overwhelming to me and something I will never forget. While there, I saw for the first time others going thru the same thing I have gone thru for 22 years and realized I am not alone anymore. I also learned what the supporters have had to deal with, a very helpless and scary feeling.
I could never imagine traveling so far away to meet up with strangers and then feeling as if you knew them your whole life.  Just incredible.
I'm so glad Elaine and you have each other.

Suzy
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by thomas on Nov 11th, 2003, 10:47am
Gonna have to let my girlfriend read this - what a heartfelt, eye-opening post.  Sometimes we clusterheads loose sight of how our affliction really does affect those around us.  It's so great that Elaine has you to be her rock.
Title: Re: I now understand!
Post by Just Deb on Nov 11th, 2003, 1:18pm
Given it a bump back to the top where it belongs, along with our awesome Buddy!


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